The Love They Never Had: The Nam Mansion

Chapter 9: Eob (Karma)

The day of the banquet had arrived, and I already had everything set up on my own. My servant's abandoning me had just come on time to be honest since I was the one who was doing everything in my power to make them abandon me. I had been rather difficult on purpose ever since I had received the flowers and by now I had the entire household gossiping about what a conceited and arrogant lowborn I was. But I really didn't care about what anyone thought about me...apart from a single person. A single person who had been hiding from me ever since he indirectly shared his thoughts with me. But I held on well to my thoughts of lowering my expectations and I decided to carry out this task for him in exchange for the debt of saving my life. Who knows what would happen to our relationship once he got back from the war; he might continue to ignore me, he might indulge me for another game, who knows. I was trying my hardest not to get too attached to him and just leave him alone for his father's sake, but I was slowly beginning to realise that I had a very strong self of justice and it was beginning to rule every part of my being. And I knew that I would eventually end up causing some mayhem or another, so maybe it was best just to keep to myself after all.

"Yeonnie?" Why did the world always stand still for a moment or two whenever he called for me? Why did my heart beat this hard? Why did I always have to look away from him right before I faced him? What exactly was the nature to this 'friendship' of ours? Why was I already so confused and couldn't stay away, even if I wanted to? No, I had to fight this, so I chose not to look at him as we conversed briefly just as the whole household had descended into chaos for putting on his important banquet. "How are you? Yeon? Won't you even look at me?" "And what purpose do you have for me now? Shall I get rid of someone else for you? Or will you snap at me again?" "It isn't like that and you know it?" "How do I know it? You have been avoiding me as soon as you lost your purpose for me." "Is that what you think about me? That I just use and manipulate people?" "Why lie about it if it is in your nature? Your circumstances and your upbringing have no doubt at all have something to do with that so in all honesty, I cannot really blame you. I just feel rather disappointed that you would take advantage of my memory loss and make me do your bidding as if I am some sort of puppet on a set of strings." Before I could get another word in, he almost charged at me and caught me by the arm, dragged me inside my quarters and pinned me against the wall his hands so close to my waist that I longed to hold them, even in a moment like this.
"You...how dare you! You do not know me, you do not remember me, you do not know what I have been through and you dare to make judgments in front of me? Who are you? Who do you think you are?" "Why do you care?" "Excuse me?" "Why do you care so much about my judgments? My thoughts?" "You have had the entire world against you for so long, what is it all for?" "What? What are you..." "You give yourself to your country, you bleed for them, you have cause and you have a high sense of justice just like myself. So please, do not go down this path." "What the hell are you talking about?" "Do not follow your father's path or it will be the biggest mistake of your life."

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How? There was no conceivable way that she...no, that wasn't possible. There was no way that she could have figured me out that quickly. She...she didn't know what she was talking about. She was just a child, a mere child at 16 years of age. Even if she thought that she knew everything, that didn't mean that it was true. And just because she accompanied me a few times, it did not mean that she knew me. Nobody knew me; Seo Hwi had only seen the good in me, but even he was unaware of how rotten I really was, just like my father had always said I was. "Yeon...just stay here and get on with the housekeeping book, you are not allowed to read anything else..." "if you want to help the people of this country, then you must become a part of them. Do not become another nobleman man who says he wants good and still sets himself apart from the people. That will only make them distrust you more, no mater what you do for them." "And just how on earth would you know?" "Because I am one of them. Just because I do not remember what it is like to be a part of them, it does not mean that I am the noblewoman that you dress me up to be. I..." "You what?" "I feel unusual in these clothes, these shoes, this makeup, these gifts and with the attention that you give me." "Then give it all back to me and go on your way, let me see how you can live on your own."