The Love They Never Had: The Nam Mansion

Chapter 69: Bogoissda (Watching)

Why did everyone around me constantly misunderstand my relationship with Yeon? Why did everyone relate everything we have done, as it was for each other? I mean yes, I sometimes acted like a brand new person around her that even I could not recognise; selfish, arrogant and entitled, but even I didn't know why I was mean to her at times. Maybe...maybe it was from being silenced, neglected and abused all of the time that I discovered a new side to me that I had never witnessed before. And maybe she was the only one who could understand that, why else did she never fight me back or tell me off.
So I started watching her every chance I got. At first I remember that I convinced myself that it was because it was my duty to look out for her as her brother wasn't here to do it. But as time went by and I was continuously torn into different directions both in my professional and personal life she became a constant light in my dark and gloomy life. And nobody couldn't say that I hadn't tried with all of my might to push her away, I was even be mean to her a few times so she would get the hint but she was just so...resilient and still so happy go lucky despite everything she was going through that I just gave up. I made my way to her quarters as soon as I came home everyday to observe her, where she was either engrossed in a book as there was no other woman in our village who loved to read as much as her, or she was embroidering something that I couldn't identify without coming in closer to her. But as the years passed by her warm personality was not enough anymore. Things got complicated between Hwi, my father, the concubine and myself I suddenly after accidentally talking about my work to her in passing and she completely took me by surprise once again by not only comprehending my work, but actually coming up with intelligent solutions, I found myself wanting more from Yeon...to compensate for the neglect and mistreatment that I had endured my entire life.

I felt so selfish but the more I watched her I couldn't hep but notice how different I felt. I couldn't really describe it but as I had everyone try to tear me down every single day since my father snatched me from my mother Yeon's glowing presence alone made me feel like I was a man for the first time in my life. Despite her bold new changes she was still physically a frail woman in need of protection,...my protection. Originally I had felt bad about isolating her alongside me but recently I had come to appreciate it. In a slightly twisted way; I was the only person she could turn to, to rely on and to talk to. At first I had nobody for years in this place I had to call my home and now I had someone all to myself. She made me smile a lot more than I was used to in my lifetime, she made me laugh as her curiosity about everything grew, she made me feel intelligent as she had endless questions about everything and anything, especially in my world. But honestly, it was her constant trust in me and the fact that I couldn't help but notice that I saw myself in her eyes every time that she smiled that really got to me. I had already long forgotten about Hui-Jee at this point, but when I came home to the only person who genuinely cared for me and wanted to be around me I couldn't help but feel something bloom and rise up to my throat that always instantly curved my mouth into an assured smile that I could also indeed be loved and cared for just like everybody else instead of being torn down due to facts of my life that were out of my control. Legitimate or illegitimate; no child asked to born so why was was illegitimate ones like me were despised just forcing into existence?

And of course as I felt myself grow more into a man...then I did have to admit that on some level...Seo Yeon was most certainly not a little girl anymore. In fact, she was anything but. Whenever she had her days out I would look through her room as much as possible, and I could not deny the girls's growing sophistication or her matured intelligence. She gave herself homework from the books that she had read and she did it rather meticulously for a woman who had never been to school before. Her opinions and ideologies were completely different from those of my father and it actually gave me joy to not only read these essays, but to finally have someone around me that seemed to mostly agree with my opinions. I had actually began to use her ideologies in the palace to make my decisions and I had to admit that I was getting surprising results, in how to deal with both nobility and lowborn alike. And she had made a collection of rather impressive embroideries that could have actually have sold well in the market. She was a well rounded woman and I dare say that any man would be lucky to have her...