The Love They Never Had: The Nam Mansion

Chapter 42: Goyo (Silence)

There was somebody with us in the water, and it was somebody who saved me and I think it was a girl. It made no sense but now that I was able to remember more of what happened, I could also remember hearing a girl's voice panicking next to me before running away. But I was in and out of consciousness from the shock of what happened and my arm really did hurt a lot. But even then, it found a way to attach itself to Yeon without much effort and she wasn't saying anything about it at all. In fact, even when the concubine tried to break us apart, I could feel Yeon holding onto me and trying to keep me warm despite her being in the water for longer than I was. She really did everything she could to treat me, especially when we were bought straight to the pharmacy and wouldn't let anyone else touch me. She even instructed the physicians about how to treat me and she put enough blankets on me to warm me up in mere minutes. But she wasn't taking me back to our home immediately, which made me think that she wanted to be left alone with me for a while and I had no idea why. Other than trying to protect me, she had become awfully quiet and could not look at me at all. But at least Dal left us alone while she put together all of the herbs she needed to treat my arm before tending to me personally. "Yeon?" "Why were you stuck? In the water? Do you have any idea how much you scared me? I thought I..." "You what?" "That I was going to loose you right there and then. That I would never see you again." I still wasn't going to talk about my brother or mother to anyone, so I just decided to keep my mouth shut about what I had experienced underwater and try to make sense of Yeon's anger that seemed to be brimming over the edge. "Are you really angry at me?" "Yes." "Why?" "Because I hate you." Well, I wasn't expecting her to say that. It really did throw me off a little bit and I was stunned into silence. What could I possibly say to her after that?
"Why do you hate me?" "I hate you for not telling me everything about my memories. I hate you for expecting me to start my life all over again when I can feel there is something missing..." "something missing? You live a better life than most lowborn!" "I did not ask for it! Any of it! I did no ask you for fine clothing, accessories, luxuries, none of it! I am walking around with a hole in my heart and I cannot remember why! I hate your father for locking me up in your home! I hate that you have to take such an elongated plan to free us! I hate that I constantly break Confucius rules but I cannot help because I have no idea what I'm doing! Why can't I stay out of trouble? Why am I so invested in your business? Why am I so fiercely protective over a man that I cannot remember! And why are you so good to me even if I have lost my memories of you! Why!"

It was in this moment that I realised that the naive and awkward little girl that I had grown up with was long gone from the day she hit her head and lost her memories. And the woman standing in front of who was practically dissolving into precious tears was something new, bold and she sill held an air of mystery to her that I could not get passed, not yet. But now was not the time to obsess over that yet, not until I helped her brother reunite with her. And she was suffering greatly, I saw that now. And I knew that like myself, nothing would dissuade her from her guesses and theories. Well well, it looked like I had more in common with her than her brother. How interesting. "What are you..." I had already been through so much recently, not to mention today and I didn't even have the strength to pacify myself, not to mention anyone else. So in the midst of my own built-up frustrations, which were being fuelled by hers, I completely forgot myself as I laid a single hand against her slim back and I pulled her in close to me. A woman's only lifeline in this world was her reputation, and right now I had Yeon's in mine as I broke h rules for once to get this close to her. "What are you doing! You..." "why? Do you think that you are the only one who can break the rules around here?" "You are the one who enforces the rules, so why are you..." "Listen to me Yeon and listen well. I am empty. I am tired. And I am not doing well at all. I am sorry that I cannot answer all of your questions, but there is a reason for that. And you are probably the only person that I haven't let down yet and I do not intend to. I want to promise you that I will never hurt you, so please stop pushing me off of the edge like everyone else around me is trying to. I can only take so much, do you understand me!" Time and time again I was made to be the bad person in front of everyone's eyes, but I was willing to do it for the Seo's. Even if it meant holding both of their lives in the palm of my hands. And if Yeon wanted an impeccable reputation, then she was going to have to learn to listen to me well and trust me.