dsmp songshots

is it just me?

𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖌𝖊𝖗/ 𝖈𝖔𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖙 𝖜𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘:
[underage drinking, alcohol, insomnia. mentions of the following: suicidal thoughts, self-harm, smoking, vomiting, sensory overload, alcohol abuse]

𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝖕𝖑𝖆𝖞𝖎𝖓𝖌:
is it just me? - emily burns
⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

♩✧･ﾟ♬✧･ﾟ♪: *✧♩･ﾟ:*

punz ignores the sounds surrounding him as he stares down aimlessly at his hands, picking away at the fake leather on the couch cushion where he's sat. he peels it off in tiny scratches, watching them flutter to the floor before kicking them under the couch to get lost in the dust.

if it wasn't for the fact that he knows this couch is being taken to the junkyard in a few days, he might feel bad about it, but he doesn't really care. the blond glances up as a shot is held up to him, distantly hearing someone announce, "last one!" as he takes it from whoever is passing it. he doesn't bother looking up at their face, or saying thank you, or smiling, choosing instead to quickly shot it back, relishing in the familiar burn as it travels down his throat. he poorly conceals a grimace, just about noting how sapnap laughs at him from the couch opposite.

punz forces a smile, like he often found himself doing now. it's almost painful to mimic the happy expression, and he knows his friends would never judge him for being upset, but he's embarrassed to still be upset months on, so he just pushes it away. it's easier to pretend than to accept the mistake and be forced to try and fix it.

the blond sees everyone else getting up from where they'd been scattered around in sapnap's lounge, taking the hint and raising up to his feet. he doesn't engage in conversation as the four of them filter out of the house, opting instead to fall behind slightly as his friends have fun.

it's embarrassing that punz truly believed that alcohol would serve as a distraction from the void feeling in his chest. he's stupid for ever thinking he'd finally feel okay again if he couldn't think straight. instead, he finds, he simply can't ignore the longing thoughts that plague his mind.

punz looks up when he realises how far dream and boomer's voice sound, surprised to see them almost at the end of the street. he glances to the side to find sapnap walking beside him, the ravenette looking down at his feet as they walk, kicking at stray rocks on the sidewalk. punz's gaze falls to the pavement too.

"i'm sorry," punz apologises with a sigh, having not even realised that sapnap was walking with him. "i'm killing the vibe, aren't i?"

"punz," sapnap speaks sternly, and punz looks up at the unexpected tone just to be met with a sympathetic expression. sapnap offers him a small, reassuring smile, "you're not ruining anything, okay? we get it, man, you don't have to pretend."

punz nods. as much as he appreciates the kind words, he can't help but ignore them. they don't 'get it'. they never will. "thanks."

"anytime," sapnap replies, lightly tapping punz's arm, in some weak attempt at being reassuring. punz smiles back.

they fall back into a comfortable silence, the only surrounding sounds being those coming from the idiots ahead of them.

eventually, they arrive at the big house, and punz pushes away the heavy feeling in his chest when he sees how excited sapnap looks. the ravenette had been counting down to this party for weeks now, and punz absolutely refused to ruin it for him even if it meant suppressing feelings that he should absolutely be coming to terms with.