traded my life [TWD]

『9』

Shane throws a bag of iced vegetables on my lap.

"The hell do I need that for?" I ask.

"Your lip is busted," he says, pointing to my face.

"Yeah? Well her loud mouthed- jaw is broken."

"Hyejin-"

I let out a long sigh.

"I heard the truth. This 'Carrie' girl has been picking on you since you both got held back, right?"

 I shrug. "She's just being bitchy."

"Can I ask you a question?"

I eye him warily. Slowly, I nod.

"What the hell took you so long to do something about it?"

"Come again?"

"She's been a little shit to you for months. Why are you just now sticking up for yourself, huh?"

My brain short circuits. "Is this a test?"

"It's a question."

I toss the veggies on the table and lean forward. "You're dead serious?"

He wasn't mad that I finally snapped on Carrie? Beat her ass? Got suspended on my first day back to school?

"Dead serious," he repeats with a nod.

I sigh. If it was a test, I still needed to gain his trust. 

"My sister used to.." I cringe. "Hurt herself. One time, I walked in on her with a potato slicer in the bathroom and just.. I saw what she was doing."

Shane rests his elbows on the table and nods for me to continue.

"I asked her why and she said it made her feel.. something. Anything."

"Did you..?"

I huff an idea of a laugh. "I tried. I had something to try it with and I was alone.. Then, I thought about Jiwoo and.. I couldn't do it."

My feet shuffle nervously under the table.

"I couldn't hurt myself, so.. I figured that if I got on someone's nerves enough, maybe they'd do it for me. She did that."

"So, you just took these beatings at school.. because you wanted to feel something?"

"Something like that."

Shane gives a single, long nod- chin nearly touching his chest in the end. He knocks his knuckles against the table and stands.

"Ice on that," he says, pointing to my lip again.

I scoff and set the baggie on my lip.

"You got a busted lip, but.. you did the same to her.. plus, you broke her nose."

"I did?" I ask.

Shane half smiles. "Nose is damn near by her ear."

I snicker to myself.

"Chill for tonight. I'll order some pizza.. Me and you have plans tomorrow."

"Plans?"

"You'll see tomorrow."

--

"A gym?" I ask as Shane parks.

"You said you wanted to feel something.. In working out, if it hurts- you're probably doing it right. It's a good kind of pain."

He gets out of the car and I hurriedly follow him out. We walk to the doors together.

Last night, we sat on the couch, watched Men in Black, and stuffed ourselves with pizza as we argued about which alien would be easiest to beat in a fight.

It wasn't.. horrible. It was different from usual lonely nights. I almost wondered if he felt the same way, but decided I didn't care.

Shane buys us each a membership to the gym at the counter. Then, he leads me to the bigger room with all of the equipment.

"Is this why you said to wear sweatpants?" I figure out.

"Makes you sweat more. It's what you want," he explains.

I shrug and shed my jacket, tying it around my waist. It was Q's jacket and I could see Shane side eye the material.

"So, where do I start?" I ask. "Can I hit a punching bag like it's my bitch aunt's bitch face?"

"You always gotta call every one and everything 'bitch'?" he questions, taking off his shirt.

"Bitch has many meanings. You can say it with anger or affection- both sides of the spectrum and everything in between."

"Fair enough," he decides, motioning for me to stand by him. "We gonna stretch first."

"Seriously?"

"Stretch or have a torn muscle, kid."

I ponder if it was necessary before mirroring his actions to stretch.

--

For the remaining time of my suspension, I continued to lay low.

My thought process is that if I have super free time and don't do anything with it- Shane will finally back off.

While he was at work, he sent Bitchass-Bassett just to make sure I was still at the house and not getting into trouble.

I washed the dishes. I did Shane's laundry.

I even talked Lori into letting me go to the grocery store. She put me on a tight budget until she realized I really was only buying food to make for dinner because I was 'sick of fast food'.

I surprised Shane with a big dinner- half American and half Korean dishes.

My laughter was real when he tried kimchi for the first time in his life. Then, I spent the rest of the night making fun of his weak taste buds.

Shane brought some caution tape from work one day. He said I could 'play' with it because the printing was off. I reminded him I was fifteen and not five. Then, I decorated my room with the tape- wrapped it around the door and hung it like Christmas garland.

Shane thought it was funny.

Before these few weeks, I used to do anything in my power to make something entertaining happen. But, there was something cool about how those lighthearted moments seemed to happen naturally now. I'd laughed more within four weeks than I had in the past four years.

The only other person who made me feel so light was Q. And that was exactly why I had to keep up the facade until I could find Q again.

Shane was wrong. Q was special to me. And I was special to him.