traded my life [TWD]

『56』

I don't recall what happened from here to there.

One second I was facing the ghost of my past as Q stood there in a prison jumpsuit looking back at me.

The next, I'm standing outside on wobbly knees, crying into Rick's chest as he coaxes me through a panic attack.

Rick's shirt was my lifeline as I clawed at the material and sobbed in his arms.

"Why?" was all I could ask.

"I just found out, too," he whispered in my ear, rubbing my hair. "I'm so sorry."

"Why?" I ask again.

"He never was a good person. I always thought he would end up somewhere like this."

"Why?"

"I don't know how this happened to you, Hyejin."

I shakily inhale through my cries. "Why?"

Rick eases me back so he can cup my face in his hands. "Hyejin.."

"Why?" it was so broken as it fell from my lips. "Why him?"

Rick sighs and wipes my tears with his thumb. "What do you want me to do?"

My repetition stops and I quiver.

"Do you want me to go kill him?" he asks, blunt and ready.

I think about Lori's words. Rick is not a killer. I would never ask him to get his hands dirty just for the sake of my comfort.

Rick is a good man. He doesn't need that weight on his shoulders. The blood of someone's life on his conscience.

My hair sticks to my face as I shake my head, hiccuping a cry.

"Do you want me to throw him out?" he asks, nodding his head to the fences.

"That's a death sentence, too," I remind, voice hoarse and broken.

He hesitates the next question. I could tell he didn't want to come to the final resort. "Do you want us to leave?"

My bottom lip trembles.

Hershel could be on his deathbed. Lori was due to give birth any day now. I don't know if I could continue raising Woojin on the road. Carl deserved a safe home.

No matter how much I hated the thought of sleeping in a cell, I did it. I did it because it was safe.

We ran in circles ever since the farm fell. We couldn't afford to lose the prison as we made it safer. We already put so much work into it. We shed blood to make this place ours.

My chest swells as I crumble back into Rick's chest to continue crying.

We couldn't leave. It was too dangerous. We need this prison.

The fact that despite all of that, Rick still asked if I wanted to leave.. His loyalty went beyond anything else and I appreciated that. But, we both know that we can't just give this place up because Q is here.

"The other cell block.. once it's clear, we don't have to see them?" I ask.

"We'll never cross paths with them," Rick promises. "And if they try, I'll put a stop to it. One way or another."

I sniffle and take slow breaths. After a couple of minutes of gathering my bearings and kicking myself in the ass to stay strong, I pull away from Rick's hold.

"We don't have to cross paths," I agree.

Rick rubs the top of my head and leans in to press a gentle kiss to the crown of my head.

"Give me five minutes to get them to the next room, then you go straight through to our cell block. You won't see him at all."

I nod and fiddle with my fingers nervously. Rick leaves to go inside. I count the seconds that pass and fidget with my necklace. I pace around a bit. I kick a couple of rocks.

I count past 300 out of paranoia of Q lingering. Then, after I pass 500, I walk inside. Rick, Daryl, and T had already left with the prisoners. I walk through into our cell block.

"Is everything all right?" Maggie asks.

I knew my eyes must be swollen from crying. I was still shaking. I push aside all fear and nod to seem like I'm okay.

"I'm just gonna feed Woojin. Let me know if you need anything," I inform the group of women.

"Will do," Carol agrees.

I give one last glance to Hershel before retrieving Woojin from Beth. I carry him to my cell and sit on the bed. I hug the sweet baby boy to my chest and cry to myself, still shaking from memories of the past.

𝒶𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇 𝓇𝒶𝓂𝒷𝓁𝑒𝓈--

rick when a the sun is too bright on hyejin: