traded my life [TWD]

『120』

Okay, Hyejin. Get your shit together.

I pace a few steps back and forth on the porch as I wait for Daniel to come. I asked him to meet me outside after dinner. I had to figure this out.

I was a strong, independent, badass mother.

I can face one guy.. just one harmless guy.

Maybe that's what is so scary.. he's harmless.

How does that work?

All love is conditional. This wasn't love, it was.. something. But it wasn't love.

What the hell does he gain out of all this? Why hasn't he pushed me away?

I pushed him away. Hell, I was practically cutting the rope that kept us alive back when we were escaping the claimers.

I left him behind, expecting for him to betray me. Leave before you get left, I remind myself. That's how you protect yourself.

Shane left first. I left him this time before he could leave again..

I lean over the railing of the porch.

Okay, maybe it's not fair to compare some hot guy that my best friend thinks I should have sex with to my father.

"Fucking daddy issues," I complain to myself.

I wrap my arm around myself and twirl my hair with my other hand.

But.. Daniel wasn't like Shane.

I resume pacing.

Daniel was sweet. Caring. He was patient with me whilst still not pushing me into uncomfortable positions.

Shit. Daniel was more like Rick than Shane.

I pause my motions.

Again. Let's not compare the hot guy to your father, Hyejin.

I curse myself and once again start pacing, but before I could make a loop, the door opens and Daniel steps outside.

"You could've waited inside. It's cold out here," Daniel points out, shedding his jacket.

Before he could wrap it around me, I step back.

Memories of Q's jacket hit me. I still had it somewhere deep in my closet back in Shane and I'd house.

Daniel purses his lips and lays the jacket over the railing beside me. I question why he didn't just put it back on rather than suffer in the cold.

"So.. am I in timeout? Did I do something wrong?" He asks, voice playful.

I scoff and cross my arms, debating my words carefully.

"I'm not stupid.. I've been around the block a few times and I know attraction when I feel it," J start, already sounding stupid to myself.

Daniel smiles softly and rests his shoulder on the pole. "Yeah.. I kind of figured you had the hits for me after you called me hot."

"What?"

"You're hot," he recalls. "You said it back when we met."

'Wah, too bad you're an asshole. You're hot.'

My eyes widen as I remember the memory and I fly off the railing, punching him lightly in the shoulder. "You speak Korean!?"

"No. But, you do realize '섹시' is just 'sexy' with an accent, right?"

(trans. 섹시 - sexy, hot ["sek-si]")

I blink a few times, just watching him.

What the hell was I saying? What was I thinking.