Dinner
''How are you today, Mila?''
''I'm good... mabuti ang pakiramdam ko para sa araw na ito.''
''Mabuti kung ganun. So, uhm, based on my observation of you and our previous session, you might be suffering from borderline personality disorder and major depressive disorder. Usually borderline personality disorder co-occurs along with major depressive disorder.''
''When we say... borderline personality disorder, we mean a mental illness that makes it very hard for a person to control how they feel. This lack of emotional control can make people act on impulses more often and affect how they feel about themselves and how they relate to other people. People with borderline personality disorder often experience intense and unstable relationships, have a distorted sense of self-image, and may engage in self-harming behaviors or suicidal thoughts. Treatment for borderline personality disorder typically involves therapy, medication, and support from loved ones,'' pagpatuloy niya sa kanyang sinasabi habang ako ay nanatiling tahimik.
''But it's mainly treated using psychotherapy like... dialectical behavior therapy.''
''On the other hand, when we say dialectical behavior therapy, it is a type of therapy that is made to help people with BPD, Mila. And DBT is based on the idea that two important things may contribute to BPD: first, you are especially emotionally vulnerable. For example, even low levels of stress can make you feel very anxious. Second, you grew up in a place where your emotions were not taken seriously. For example, a parent may have told you that you had no right to feel sad or that you were being silly if you complained about feeling anxious or stressed.''
''At ang goal natin sa session na ito is to break this cycle by introducing two important concepts: One is validation... accepting your emotions as valid... that what you felt and the way you reacted to it are valid... Second is dialectics, where a school of philosophy says most things in life are rarely "black or white" and that it's important to be open to ideas and opinions that contradict your own...''
Kahit hindi niya ako kita ay tumango-tango ako sa kanyang sinabi. Marami pa siyang pinaliwanag sa akin tungkol dito. Tahimik lang akong nakikinig.
''Uhm, Mila. The ultimate goal of DBT is to help you "break free" from narrow, rigid ways of thinking about the world, your relationships, and your life that make you act in harmful and self-destructive ways.''
My therapy sessions lasted for six months. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and borderline personality disorder.
Nong una ay hindi naging madali sa akin ang lahat... ang hirap-hirap balikan para sa akin ang mga mapait kong alaala mula sa nakaraan... ang mga alaalang pilit kong tinatakbuhan. Pero sa huli ay nakaya ko... nagawa kong patawarin ang sarili ko. Nagawa kong maghilom mula sa sugat ng kahapon.
''Congratulations, Milagros! You may now stop taking medication and come here!''
''P-Po?! Talaga po?!''
''Oo, Mila. Magaling ka na. Congratulations! You're finally healed and have to stop coming to our session!''
Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin nakikita ang mukha niya, ang mukha ng aking therapist. He asked me to just call him Mister Stranger. and I addressed him as a completely stranger who helped me with my recovery.
During the process of my healing, I started by forgiving myself and accepting that I deserved to love and be happy. In my healing process, I learned how not to be harsh on myself. I also realized that self-care is crucial in the healing process and started prioritizing it, which helped me to become more compassionate towards myself.
