Pointless
I have been through a lot of darkness in my life. I felt like my life was a total despair of darkness—not until Sylas became a picture of my life. He brought light into my world and showed me that there was hope for a brighter tomorrow. With his unwavering support and love, I was able to overcome the shadows of my past and embrace a new beginning.
Pero sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana para sa aming dalawa.
Kasabay nang pagpihit ko sa doorknob ang siyang tunog na mga nag sibagsagan mga gamit mula sa silid niya. Bumuhos ang mga masasagana kong mga luha. Naipit ang mga munti kong hikbi.
Sylas has never been this passive and aggressive. He has always been calm and gentle, but after that day, he became completely different. After learning he had HIV, that was the moment he turned into someone else. He started to lash out at those around him, including me. His once peaceful demeanor was replaced with anger and resentment, leaving his loved ones feeling helpless and confused, but I won't ever give up on him.
Mas lalong dumoble ang pintig ng aking puso nang magtagpo ang mga tingin naming dalawa.
''Huwag kang lalapit, Milagros,'' matigas niyang sinabi.
Pero hindi ako nagpatinag. Inignora ko ang kanyang sinabi pati na rin ang lamig sa kanyang boses. I swallowed hard and drifted my eyes toward the nurse. Tipid akong ngumiti sa kanya.
''Iwan mo muna kami,'' banayad kong sinabi at lumabas din agad ang nurse.
Pagkalapat ng pinto ay agad kong dinampot ang mga gamit na nagkalat sa lapag. Mariin kong kinagat ang ibabang labi ko nang madaplisan ng bubog ang aking daliri. Nasugatan iyon at may kaunting dugo.
''Anong ginagawa mo?! Hindi ba't sinabi ko na sayo ayaw na kitang makita pa?'' walang emosyon niyang sinabi sabay tingin sa natamo kong sugat. ''Tignan mo! Nasugatan ka pa! Bakit ba ang tigas ng ulo mo?! At bakit ba punta ka pa nang punta rito?! Tapos na tayo, Mila! Ayaw na kitang makita pa!'' pasigaw niyang sabi pa na siyang inignora ko lamang.
Nagpakawala ako ng isang malalim na paghinga bago ay tuluyan lumapit sa kanya. ''Wag,'' pigil niya sa akin.
''Hindi mo ba narinig ang sinabi ng Doctor? Meron akong HIV!''
''Sylas, h-hindi naman nakakahawa ang sakit mo... atsaka gagal—'' mabilis niyang pinutol kung ano man ang sasabihin ko.
''Umalis ka na.''
''Hindi kita kailangan, Milagros!''
''Naririnig mo ba ko, huh?! I told you to leave! Just leave!'' hindi ko na napigilan pa ang pagbugso ng aking mga luha.
''Sylas naman!'' frustrated kong sinabi.
''Wag ka naman ganyan! W-Wag mo naman akong itaboy... hindi ako aalis, dito lang ako! Dito lang ako hanggang sa gumaling ka... t-tapos magpapakasal tayong dalawa!'' nauutal kong wika.
I felt like my breath hitched the moment I saw him smirk without humor, as if what I said was pointless to him—that loving was totally pointless. His eyes held a glimmer of indifference, extinguishing any hope I had for a genuine connection. It was as if he had already decided that love was nothing more than a futile endeavor, leaving me questioning the purpose of my own emotions.
''Magpapakasal?''
''Mila, hindi kita mabibigyan ng anak! Kaya yan tanginang pagmamahal na yan! Wala ng saysay at katuturan pa yan! Isang malaking kahibangan lang kung mananatili ka sa akin at magpapakatanga!''
''Kaya umalis ka na lang!'' halos gumaralgal ang kanyang boses.
''Just leave, Mila. P-Please, just leave. There's no point in staying in my life.''
