Proud
Lumipas ulit ang maraming taon, pero katulad ng dati ay wala pa rin akong naririnig na balita tungkol sa kaniya. Wala pa rin Sylas ang bumabalik.
Sa lumipas na maraming taon... hindi pa rin ako tumigil. I never stopped waiting for him. Palagi akong nakikibalita sa mga kaibigan niya. Nandito pa rin ako... naghihintay na bumalik siya. Pero paulit-ulit lang din ang mga salitang naririnig ko... hindi rin nila alam kung nasaan o kung anong balita kay Sylas.
No one knew about him after he vanished into thin air... No one has ever reached out to him since then. His last social media activity was years ago. No one knows whether he's still alive or whether he has been dead... Nobody knows where he is right now. Para bang naglaho na lang siya na parang isang malaking bula sa mga buhay namin.
Sa unang dalawang taon ay nahihirapan akong kayanin. Pakiramdam ko mas lalong dumilim ang mundong ginagalawan ko nang iwan niya ako. Pakiramdam ko lahat na lang ng minamahal ko ay iniiwan ako. At sa huli mag isa na naman ako.
After he left, I felt more miserable than before. I felt I was falling into the deepest hole, where nobody could save me from my downfall... I lost my hope. I lost my faith. Everything crumbled—my dreams, myself—and everything is drifting apart from me. I felt lost, more helpless than before.
Sinubukan kong tapusin ang sarili kong buhay... ang tuldukan lahat ng paghihirap ko.
I realized that whatever made your life hard will also be the reason for your success in the future, so do not take your life yet. Breathe and remember that every ending has a beautiful beginning—a new beginning where there's no reason for you to bleed, and sometimes we have to endure the pain for us to make it in the end.
And on every path you choose to walk, there is not always a straight road ahead; sometimes it's a bumpy road. You'll face a lot of obstacles before you'll be able to reach the finish line. Sometimes, you'll feel unhesitating to cross the obstacles, and that's okay because what you feel is valid. It's okay to feel terrified sometimes; it's okay to be slow sometimes; what's important is that you made it regardless. Remember that progress is not always linear and setbacks are a natural part of the journey. Keep pushing forward and celebrating every small victory along the way.
Life is not a competition; it's not a race to begin with. It's okay if everyone around you is already successful at your age while you're just breathing; that's fine. Being slow doesn't mean you won't make it like the others; your time will surely come. The success of others is not your loss. Comparing yourself to others only hinders your own progress and growth.
Dahil sa tulong ng mga kaibigan ko ay paunti-unti ay kinaya ko. Nakahanap ako ng permanenteng trabaho. Naging manager ako sa isang hotel.
''Mila, ayaw mo bang mag therapy?'' Tanong sa akin ni Ange.
''Para nang sa ganun tuluyan ka ng gumaling... nag aalala pa rin ako sa'yo hanggang ngayon... kahit sabihin mong okay ka na... hindi ko pa rin maiwasan hindi mag alala lalo't na madalas ikaw lang mag isa rito sa condo. At syempre dahil kaibigan kita... kung gusto mo, I can refer you to a therapist...''
''Kung gusto mo lang naman!''
Sa totoo niyan sumagi na rin sa isip ko ang bagay na 'yon.
I also wanted to heal, and I realized that burying my terrible past would not be enough for me to heal... I needed to face them. I have to. I must face my own demons for me to completely heal... I have to meet my 10-year-old self again. I need to forgive myself.
Hindi agad ako nakasagot sa kaniyang tanong. Mariin kong kinagat ang aking ibabang labi at yumuko. Tumagal ang tingin ko sa aking mga daliri. Isang malalim na buntong-hininga ang aking pinakawalan bago ko tuluyang sinagot ang aking kaibigan.
