Towering the Flames (SS#2) Under Major Revision

CHAPTER 22

"Matulog na lang nga tayo!" It feels like this is my first time to be irritated like this. Nakaiinis lang kasi ang mga katabi ko- kung papaano sila tumingin sa 'kin! Si Allysa ay hindi rin nagpatalo! Akala ko ay sasawayin niya sina Pearly at Johoney pero nakisali pa sa tawa!

A familiar documentary flashed in the television. Pinilit ko ang sarili na mag-focus pero ang mga mata ng mga kaibigan ko ay nasa sa 'kin pa rin.

"I don't get it. Bakit niyo rin kasi m-in-yday 'yon? Or, pwede rin naman na i-hide niyo kay Cal ang story," I whispered the last three words. "And please, don't put malice sa reply niya! Alam niyo naman na babaero 'yon, e'!"

"Of course, we know," sagot ni Allysa.

"See?" ako. "Hayst, kalimutan na lang nga natin-!"

'Di ako pinatapos ni Johoney, "ano'ng i-re-reply ko rito?"

Nakaka-badtrip na talaga ang mga 'to! Panay ngisi pa!

"Huwag mong reply-an. Hayaan mong mag-overthink. Bwahahah!" Pearly laughed like there's no tomorrow. "Don't tell me, Chels, balak mo siyang i-assure later at sabihing he's the only one-"

Hinagis ko sa kaniya ang unan na madali kong naabot. Todo ilag naman 'to at mas lalong lumalakas ang tawa. My mind is still filled up with random thoughts until the play ended. Wala akong naintindihan kaya muli ko 'tong p-in-lay. My friends have no comment of me doing so. 'Yon nga lang, 'di pa rin nila ako tinatantanan.

"It's science-related," komento ni Allysa sa pinapanood. Nang balingan ko siya ay nagpipigil pa rin 'to ng ngiti. "Why are you looking at me like that? Hindi ako tumatawa, ah?"

I crossed my arms around my chest. "Ewan ko sa 'yo. I thought you'd defend me against these two."

Mas lalo siyang tumawa. Minutes later, Pearly and Johoney drifted off into sleep while Allysa still wide awake. I played the documentary thrice but I feel nothing special. Sumikip ang dibdib ko knowing na ang hirap balikan ang bagay na minsan kong tinuring na mundo. Kung 'di lang ata nakabaling si Allysa sa 'kin ay kanina pa 'ata ako napaluha.

"Don't force yourself."

Napatingin ako sa kaniya. I know. I definitely know. Gusto kong sukuan ang bagay na minsan kong ginusto pero 'di ko naman kaya. And that's the issue here.

"But I am so proud of you because you're trying," she added. "You could have explored another hobby but here you are facing the thing you once loved before. And that's brave."

Malalim akong napabuntong-hininga sabay titig sa ceiling. "What if medical field isn't for me?"

"At bakit mo naman natanong 'yon? Since we were in JHS, you're really into science."

"Yes . . ." I bit my lip. "But, I guess, everything has changed."

"You know what, trial lang 'tong nangyayari sa 'yo ngayon. You should never question yourself like that, okay?"

Gusto ko pa sanang magsalita at sabihin lahat ng gusto kong i-share, pero naalala ko na siya mismo ay may hina-handle rin sa buhay, at ayaw kong dumagdag.

"Just try again. How will we know if we don't try, again?"

"By the way, nakaalis na ako sa group," I changed the topic soon as I remembered Cal. "Pumayag si Cal, pero naging pahirapan nga lang. But at least the war is finally over. Nakaka-exhaust din kasing makasali sa mundo nila . . . Nila ni Amethyst."

"If that gives you peace, then you have made the right choice."

"Thank you for giving me another chance, Allysa. Wala lang talaga akong lakas ng loob magbahagi ng ganitong info sa 'yo noon, e'." I tapped her right shoulder. "Let me do the right thing step by step."