Club - a Breddy Fanfic.

18) Club

The entrance of the Club dooms onto Eddy when he and his friends approach it.
The music is welcoming them already, but he doesn't register it. He's nervous and his hands shake softly. If he would have to play now, his bow would shake so much, you wouldn't be able to distinguish what piece he was trying to play. What will happen? Last time he and Brett had such a nice conversation together and he's made his intentions clear that he wants more from Brett than just one night. It went alright too. He was able to put his thoughts into words. He didn't chicken out like he normally does. But in the end he didn't get an answer. Brett was dragged away by that loud friend of his and didn't return. What would he have said if he had stayed? Would he have gone with him? He didn't seem against the idea, but he was definitely conflicted. What is holding him back? Is the thought of being with him not right? Or is it that he doesn't want to be bound to someone? Questions, questions.

Let's say it has been a long week till now.

Timo breaks his train of thought. "Eddy. You are not leaving without his telephone number! You hear me?!"

Eddy looks offended. "Sheesh! Okay, okay. I will ask when we talk again. I won't forget it this time, okay?"

Timo just glares. "If you forget it again, I consider it that the universe is telling you something. And you switch to Viola for the rest of the year."

"Bro! Come on! Don't jinx me like that!" Eddy shakes his head while putting his earplugs in.

But they bump each other on the shoulder and go in a straight line to the bar to get something to drink, already laughing again.

They are early for once. There are not that many people yet, but the room is starting to fill out very rapidly. Eddy is talking amicably with Luke, both wita beer in their hands, while Timo is already dancing. Luke joins him soon after, leaving Eddy behind. He has asked Eddy several times to join them of course, but he doesn't want to dance. His legs cannot be trusted, especially not now. And he has to be at his regular spot. He doesn't want to startle Brett to be somewhere else than he expects.

It's around 10 when Brett and his friends walk in. It's funny to watch them enter. The whole room seems to shift their attention to the group. Within a heartbeat they are the centre of the room, like they never left. How is it possible for four men to have this kind of effect?
But after 5 minutes Brett still hasn't yet looked at the bar once. This can't be a good omen now, is it? Eddy starts to get more anxious than he already was. He tries to relax. To be as open as possible, as easily approachable. So that when Brett does look, he might come to him again.

It takes another two songs even before Brett's gaze goes over to the bar. Of course they lock eyes within no time. Although he doesn't move, Brett also doesn't break contact and Eddy surely won't. They just look intensely at each other, the electric wire connecting almost visibly.

It lasts for almost 30 seconds, that extreme focus, standing still, not even blinking, existing in a world of their own. Then suddenly their line of sight is blocked by a girl walking into it. The contact is just lost for mere seconds, but when she moves out of the way, Brett is not focusing on him anymore, but on the girl who broke their contact. And he doesn't look back...

So that's it, isn't it? You don't want to see or talk to me then? You're not taking any action?
This looks like a very clear answer he's given.
Eddy has to swallow hard to keep the emerging tears down.
He averts his eyes to the ground, trying to even his breath, to get his head clear from spiralling.

Suddenly familiar feet are right next to him and a hand is on his back, giving support. Timo. He has seen everything, of course, and is obviously concerned.

"Hey Eddy. You okay?" he asks cautiously, searching for eye contact with his friend to check.

Eddy can't look up. Not now, or he'll start crying for real. That's not something you want to do in a place like this. "Nope. It's over. It was to be expected, but it still hurts like hell. I so hoped it would be different. That I would be different for him than all the others." His voice is shaky. Timo can hear the underlying tears.

"Who the hell does he think he is, ditching you like this?!" he asks angrily.

"You already warned me from the start. I didn't want to believe you. I'm sorry." He shakes his head sideways.

Timo gives him a quick hug. "No, don't be. I'm sorry to be right." He looks sympathetically at Eddy.

Eddy looks at the dance floor again. He needs to see, although he's afraid his heart will break even more. And of course the girl is all over Brett now, rubbing her butt against him, putting pressure on the spot Eddy would like to call his. And of course his hands are on her waist. She is cute, but not just that; also very pretty. She has big eyes, is short and slender, has long hair and has been confident enough to have approached him like that. To boldly dance with him. She's a real 'catch'. She's everything Eddy's not and never will be.

"Oh fuck." Eddy tugs Timo's arm for support. He physically crumbles: he feels his heart cramp together painfully, his breath quicken to the point of hyperventilating. He needs air. "Timo," his voice devastated and small, "I can't do this. I can't watch this. I'm out."

He then walks away quickly. To get his coat. To go outside to breath the fresh air. To go home. To go cry his eyes out until he blacks-out. To repeat that last part tomorrow morning. And the day after that. Until the pain will be less, making him numb. He faintly registers Timo swearing behind him while he's leaving, but that he doesn't follow him.
Eddy doesn't care. He needs out! Just away from here. Away from this hell.

Instead of following Eddy, Timo walks to Luke like the devil's on his tail. Luke is easy to find as always in his flashy shirt covered with multi coloured rainbows tonight.
The friends had already talked about a back-up plan if things went south tonight. They are not letting Eddy leave just by himself. It has been such a long time since he has been in love like this. They know this will be a heartbreak of a monstrous proportion. So they will not let him be alone until they know he is fine enough, and at least home in one piece. Luke gets a quick update from Timo and hurries after Eddy, leaving Timo behind.

While Luke impatiently waits for his coat at the cloakroom so that he can run outside and tackle Eddy as soon as possible, Timo is glaring at the dance floor, gritting his teeth.

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VNV Nation: Rubicon

Praying for myself.
These thoughts I try to hide.
I have faith in me and hope this will survive.
But it's tearing me apart.

I can't hear the words by which I guide.
So I must ask again who will carry me.

I will not deny that nothing can defend
from the helplessness that's cutting deep inside,
and I cannot prevent the thought that nothings real.
Seems I've waited years for this day to end.

The strength I need to feel, the pride inside of me,
Are not there behind the face staring back at me.
The anger and the pain of knowing where I am.
I have come so far and I cannot return.

Nothing I can do that I have not done.
No words I can say. No truth left that I can see.
So must I let this end so everything falls apart.
Before I live the life as I have always done.

Tell me what to do so I do nothing wrong.
Something I can hope for. Something real that I can see.
So nothing falls apart. So that it does not end.
I cannot return. I can't start again.