Club - a Breddy Fanfic.

46)

It is late when Brett stumbles over the threshold of his house. This day that started with their difficult conversation has only been wonderful after. There had been several making out sessions, Eddy had played some pieces for him and they had eaten the ordered take-out cuddled together on the couch while watching a movie. It may sound very bourgeois, but Brett enjoyed every minute of it.
And now he has walked his way back under the light of the stars to his house he shares with his three mates. He kicks off his shoes, throws his coat in a corner and enters the half lit living room.

"Hey." He is greeted by Mason, who is sitting on the couch, a glass of liquor in his hand.

"Hey, bro. You alone?" Brett asks as he also gets something to drink.

"Yeah. Peter is out. Vincent has already gone to bed. He has to get up early tomorrow for his job of course."

"Ah, alright." Brett lets himself fall onto one of the chairs besides the couch and looks at the glass Mason is holding. He knits his eyebrows together in sudden worry. This is a whiskey glass. Mason is normally more a beer or wine kind of guy and only drinks stronger stuff if a situation asks for it.
"What are you drinking, mate?" Brett asks cautiously.

"Whiskey."

So he was right, indeed something way stronger.
"Oh? What's wrong then?" He can't hide the concern in his voice.

Mason snickers. "Why should anything be wrong when I fancy a whiskey?"

"Because you normally only drink that stuff when you are overthinking or when you need to forget stuff." Brett looks closely at him. Is something wrong?

"How have you been since yesterday?" Mason asks, clearly dodging the question.

Brett hesitates. Is it really just wanting something like this, or does he have a problem he doesn't want to talk about? He decides to play along for now.
"It went alright. Although... Not everything quite right per se."

Mason looks up surprised, questioning. Brett sighs. He's got to tell him. Of course Mason wants to know now. They have no secrets for each other.

"I got a panic attack during... you know...? So that was disappointing." He makes a face at him. "But we are working on it. You can't believe what a saint Eddy is. I think we will manage. Getting things better. God, I like that man so much!"

Mason looks at him with empathy. "Aw. That is not how you pictured your evening when you left us, huh?"

"Of course not! It's a fucking travesty, that's what it is. But I couldn't help it, couldn't stop it." Brett sighs again. "It was so intense. I shifted 180 degrees in a second, totally losing sight of the real world. Thank God Eddy got me out, but I was so exhausted after that I fell asleep." He has a bit of myalgia still because of all the muscles he tensed so hard during the attack. "When I woke up in the morning I was so scared that he would end the thing between us. But he didn't. Can't describe the relief that washed over me."

"Of course he wouldn't end it! It's Eddy we're talking about." Mason has a tremendous fate in Eddy. "And now? What are you going to do about it?"

"We made up a plan. At first we will go slowly, see what triggers we stumble upon and if we can annihilate them. Eddy is the one in control here. That's a big part of the plan. You know what a control freak I can be. So it's to see if I can give it to him without freaking out." Brett swallows. That's the most difficult part of the plan for him. "I'm so not looking forward to that aspect. It's kind of scary."

"I can imagine. Losing control is very scary."

What? It's tone and the way the sentence is spoken, the subtle changes in his voice clearly present, that makes Brett look at his friend closely. Something is really off. They are best friends, have been through so much stuff, so they can read each other better than average friends can. And now it is very clear to him that Mason has some troubles with losing control or something like that.
Mason looks at the window, consciously or subconsciously avoiding Brett's gaze.
"Mason? What is it? Tell me? Please?" He scoots a bit closer to his chair and puts a hand on his knee. "Listen mate, I told you what happened to me yesterday, although it was fucking embarrassing. Now it's your turn to fess up. What's bothering you?" Brett presses further.

Mason glances at him, sighs and speaks hesitatingly. "I don't know Brett. I'm feeling a bit weird lately."

Brett raises his eyebrows, wondering why, and nods so that Mason will continue.

"Ah fuck it. Brett... I need to ask you something." There is a slight tremolo audible in his voice and it looks like he might start crying.

Brett nods again. "Of course. Anything. Shoot."
It's so weird to see Mason like this. He hasn't seen him in this kind of state for a very long time. Mason's always the one that knows what to do. The stable rock everybody can build on. Never cries too. So what has shaken his foundation?

Mason looks down, obviously embarrassed to proceed. "Okay. A question then. I just need to know, okay? When did you know you swung both ways? You know, with women and men?"

This is a question Brett never expected to hear from him. He tries to hide his surprise, succeeding only partly. Mason looks serious, flustered even. Woah! Does he have a crush on someone? A man? Why did't he tell him sooner?
"Uhm. Well... it just happened? The first time I kissed a man I was drunk, so that was not really intentional. But I liked it." He thinks hard. How can he tell Mason how this works for him. "I did ask myself that question a lot of times when I was growing up. You know the 'why do I like both sexes'," he makes quotes with his hands to emphasise it, "but the only answer I ever found is that I just like certain people. When I like a person it doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man. It's basically the personality that does it for me, not the gender. At some point I just accepted it like it was."

Mason nods and says thoughtfully. "Yeah, you were always so free in that. You just kissed anyone you liked, making no big deal or secret out of it. Everybody knew that about you. And as your friends we just accepted it. Who didn't just went somewhere else. Did you ever had a coming out?"

"No, not really. I just went with the flow and it happened. I haven't told my parents straight up though, so they might be oblivious about this part of me still. Maybe my brother knows, but I've never discussed it with him. And for that matter, I never had a man that I wanted to bring home anyway, so it just didn't come up. All of my friends know, that's more important."

"But wouldn't your parents want to know? Don't you owe them to tell this about you?" Mason presses. He has always wondered why Brett never told them.

Brett's tone gets cold instantly. "They left me with her. Although I told them it was spinning out of control, that I needed help, they chose to believe her. So no, I don't think I owe them anything."
Look, he will be polite to them and play his part of eldest son during holidays, but he has not forgotten the devastation left when they rejected and him and left him struggling. He doesn't owe them anything. As if they ever supported him in life choices, such as becoming a professional violinist or moving to Sydney. Maybe they even think he had it coming or something like that? Who knows? But he doesn't want to talk about what his parents might or might not think, this is all just a diversion of the main problem at hand. Let's end this part of the conversation and go to the point that he can ask Mason the question that is burning on his lips. He quickly continues.
"But looking at things that you have to consider for a lover: I think that it's more who is sexually appealing to you. For me I can find that in both genders. Both bodies are different, but have nice assets to like and both can give you a lot of pleasure. Although I like women more easily than men."
And now finally the time has arrived that he can ask what he wants to know. He looks intensely at Mason and takes a deep breath.
"Why do you want to know all of a sudden? Who is your crush?"