Club - a Breddy Fanfic.

31) Kintsugi

Eddy doesn't have to think long about an answer. He has been thinking about it since he made the deal in Brett's bedroom a week ago. "I don't know how it is for you, but for me it's when we know we really choose for each other. That it will be only us, in a steady, loving relationship. That you will give your heart to me. That we promise to love and care for each other. That." He shrugs in a way to emphasize that what he said is the most logical thing in the world.

Brett ponders over his words. "And your heart? You only talk about mine. You don't think it's necessary that you will give yours to me too?"

Eddy lowers his head and looks up from under his eyelashes, all shy suddenly. "Isn't it obvious? You already have it. I really like you, Brett Yang. I like your humour, your looks, your voice. I like talking to you. Being with you." His eyes shine now lovingly at him, Brett knows he's honest. "And if we can't be together as lovers, I still want to be friends, because you really fun to be with you. As friends I'm willing to share you. But as lovers definitely not. I can be very jealous, you know. Of course I'm hoping you'll choose me. But you have to be certain you want me. And only me. I mean in a romantic way of course. If you decide not, you eventually have to give me my heart back." He smiles a wistful smile. "For me it's as simple as that. But we won't decide tonight." he says decisively, looking confident.

Oh God, why is Eddy always so good with words? Brett is annoyed with himself that he can't reply immediately with a heartfelt 'YES, only you', but he can't. Not yet. He needs to be certain, to know for sure, for both their sakes. Not that he doesn't realy like Eddy, but can he go 'steady'? What will happen? Is it possible to be someone like that again?

Eddy feels his discomfort. "Let's be friends first and let me flirt a bit with you. And maybe you'll be ready for me at some point in the not so distant future. I can be very persuasive, you know. And I can wait." He winks an eye, making it all lighter to digest.

Brett is grateful for it. He decides he needs to open up a bit to him. Eddy needs to know why he is hesitating, so that he won't start questioning himself. Because it's all what's inside him that makes everything difficult now, isn't it?
"Listen Eddy. I'm worried because you don't know everything about me. What if you don't like me when you do?" This is really something that has kept him awake last couple of days. If Eddy knew how fucked up he had been, and still is sometimes, he surely wouldn't want to be with him, now would he?

Eddy frowns at that. "You don't know everything about me too, right? What if you don't like me if you find out I... euh..." Eddy thinks hard. ".. talk in my sleep? Or that I forget and lose everything all the time, like keys, telephones, watches and so on. It's very annoying. Something like that." He shrugs. He is terrible with keys. Heck, he even forgot to bring his violin to a gig one time. He definitely won't say that just yet, totally embarrassed by it still. "That's what we are going to find out, no? Of course we will only know for sure we fit together with time. You never know what will happen when you start a relationship, but the basis should be good. And that's something we can decide now in these first get-togethers. If not, we don't have to try to make it work." Eddy reaches over and puts his hand on Brett's that is laying on the table. "But what is your main concern? What worries you most? Please tell me and get it off your chest. I feel something specifically is bothering you."

Brett ponders for a moment. Shall he tell and come clean? Eddy is right: The basis should be good. Better to tell and see what his reaction is then. He decides to take the leap.
"I might be good at casual sex, or so I thought." He eyes Eddy teasingly, remembering their conversation from a few moments ago. "But I'm not good at maintaining relationships. Especially the last one I had was very... difficult, to say the least. She messed with my head. Sometimes still is, although I haven't seen her in quite a while now, thank God." He slouches in his chair, casting his eyes down. God, this is hard. He doesn't like to feel this vulnerable. But it's Eddy, he needs to tell him. "Sometimes things come up suddenly, mostly when I don't expect it. And my reactions can be... weird. She... She... kinda broke me, I think." Brett doesn't want to think about what she did to him and how it effects him still, but it is something that is still there. "But also before her. I never had a long lasting relationship, because I've always put my music first place, over them. Lovers don't like that. These things are what worries me most." He looks up again to see what his words do to the receiver.

"Well, I totally understand the 'putting music first' thing." Eddy snickers "If we get together you would be dating a very driven classical musician, so I can only understand and admire your way of thinking. I would ditch you too for some important lesson, workshop or performance. In a heartbeat even, if it's something really good." Eddy shrugs. It has also cost him quite a few relationships. "And about your ex... I don't know what she did to you and what's left because of her, but I for sure know I'm not her. We can work it out together?"

"Yeah, maybe. It doesn't scare you?" Brett feels small asking.

"Not yet, no. And if it causes problems, it's something to get over." Eddy shrugs.

Brett can see that he means every word he says, but will he also think so lightly about it when he sees the impact those years are still having?

When Eddy continues, he watches Brett closely. "You are talking about being 'broken'. Mason also dropped this term one time." He pauses for a moment, searching for words. "Do you know the art of Kintsugi? It's a Japanese thing for as far as I know. When a bowl or cup is broken, they mend the broken areas with a special glue containing gold. The breakage will not be smoothened out, but treated more as a part of the history of that object, showing it got over the problem rather than that it's something that has to be disguised. And by doing so making it more beautiful in the process."

Eddy definitely has a way with words. Brett feels tears lurking in the corners of his eyes and swallow a few times in an attept to hide them. Eddy sees them anyway of course, but continues. "So that's how I'd like to look at your 'broken' parts. Let's see if we can fix them with gold, one breakage at the time?"

Brett blinks a few times quickly, willing the tears back down, only half succeeding. "Thank you Eddy. How do you always know what to say? Like now. But also before, like in the Club and with charades. You are so perceptive and sweet." he tells softly.

Eddy blushes. "Thanks. Only when I am with friends though. Normally I don't talk or just some gibberish. Now, let's eat!"

They talk about a lot more lighter subject, getting the carefree mood back again.
In the end they spent much more time eating and talking over dinner than expected, so they skip the idea of going to the movies. Although they're already full, they decide upon dessert, not wanting this evening to be over. It's delicious, but a bit hard to finish.
"Maybe next time we should order one serving with two spoons." Eddy tells Brett, looking from under his eyelashes, a smirk present on his face.

Brett almost chokes in a bite, not expecting the obvious flirt so suddenly, but gets himself together quickly. "Yes, that would be nice." he says back, with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye.
Wouldn't that be wonderful indeed?