Club - a Breddy Fanfic.

41) Cry

Trigger Warning: talk about sexual abuse

"Brett? What's wrong?" Eddy crawls slowly on hands and knees towards the crying man on the other side of the room and sits in front of him. Brett is curled up into a shivering ball, his arms wrapped around himself. Is it from the stress or is he cold? Should he get a blanket for him? But if he touches him, won't he make this worse?

"Brett? Love? What's wrong? Talk to me."

There is still no reaction, the sobbing continues. It's like Brett is in a world of his own. What should he do? How can he make this better?

After a minute he takes a deep breath.
"Brett? I'm going to touch you now, okay?" He puts his right hand on Brett's arm and waits for the reaction. A big shiver runs through Brett's body, the hairs on his arm standing up.

"It's me, Eddy. I won't hurt you. I will never hurt you. Come back to me?"

After a few seconds the shivering stops. That's a good sign, isn't it? Or is he now too afraid to move?

"Listen to me. I'm here. You're safe. When we are together, you'll always be safe. Okay?"
He softly squeezes Brett's hand.

Brett feels warmth on his arm. A voice from the distant, deep, warm, loving. Loving? And then a squeeze. Eddy? Is that Eddy? He feels like he's able to shake the worst of his nightmare. He opens his eyes into slits. Light. Oh, he's curled up. Naked too. He slowly lifts his head from his arms, tears are still streaming from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. Then he locks eyes with Eddy's. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, blinking to get the image in front of him in focus. Eddy! He finally begins to process where he is. He finally begins to process where he is. He looks around the room. He's in Eddy's bedroom. Oh God. What did he do?

Again a subtle squeeze in his arm. "Hi..." Eddy's voice sounds worried but lovingly.

Oh Eddy. Sweet, poor Eddy. He shouldn't have had to witness this. He surely will be freaked out, right?
"Sorry." Brett whispers, tears thick in his throat.

"What happened?" Eddy asks, without judgment. Supportive. Urging him to talk.

"I'm sorry." Brett repeats. He looks away, finally seeing the door he so desperately sought a few moments ago. He remembers the panic he was in, and as soon as he does, he feels it rising in him again and he starts breathing more quickly. He looks up again. Eddy. Their gaze locking once more. He exhales profoundly, willing his breath to steady. It gets him out of the downward spiral and his lungs fill with normal oxygen. He breaks eye contact and looks at the door. Oh, he so wants to leave. To run away. Hide. Crawl under a blanket to never reappear. Make the world go away.
But when he looks at Eddy again, he knows he owes this man some sort of explanation. He speaks softly.

"Uhm. Trigger. The shift triggered me. She... My ex. She did it like that. Force me. You know..." he looks longingly at the door again, but still proceeds. "She was bigger than me. Stronger. And she knew to play me so she could get her way." He swallows, not wanting the memories back. But he knows he has to tell Eddy. "In the beginning it was just small things. But in the end, she controlled everything. And I mean really everything. What I ate. Who I saw. What I said. How I breathed. And this. I mean having sex." He swallows. Does he really need to say? It's bad enough as it was. But this will not go away on its own. "She just got me hard, although I didn't want to, and... you know?" His eyes fill with tears again.

Eddy doesn't know, but he starting to get some insight into the peril Brett was in back then. He strokes Brett's arm to give him some grounding. He's afraid to speak to disturb the flow, so he just nods so Brett will continue.

"That's why I always want to be the one in control, be the top if you like. The flashback just now..." He swallows hard again when images from the past press themselves upon him. He shakes his head sideways to get them away. "I don't ever want to go back to being that helpless, that dominated. I worked hard to be able to have sex without much emotion. Just to do it to make my body feel good. To feel a bit normal again. And it seemed to work, until now." He looks at Eddy. Sweet, beautiful Eddy. "With you... It's totally different. I wanted more. I thought I was ready for this. Clearly I'm not." The tears now flow over his eyelids and a sob leaves his throat. He shakes his head again. "I need to go."

He loosens his arms to get his legs free, shifts and tries to get up.
But Eddy still has his hand on his arm, so jerks him back to the floor, causing him to topple over and crash into him. He's enveloped into a tight embrace.

"No, you don't." Eddy shakes his head, his eyes loving, with just a hint of concern.

Brett loves those eyes. He's so drawn into them every time they meet. It feels like slipping into a warm bath. He knows now that he has loved them from the first time they met. The electricity he felt back for the first time then and which is now so familiar, makes him feel like he belongs with this man.
What should he do. Run? Or stay? He wants both. He's so conflicted.

Eddy sees the emotions fly across his face. He shakes his head sideways.
"No you don't." he repeats his words and hugs him tightly again, rocking softly from side to side like Brett is a precious child need consoling.
"You can stay. I will let you go if you really must, but please stay with me. Please?" Eddy whispers in his ear, calmly, the timbre of his voice so comfortable, so inviting.

Is that possible? Is he allowed? Does he really want him to stay? Hearing Eddy telling him to stay only makes him want to cry more. Cry so hard on that shoulder of this lovely man, to will all the bad memories away. To heal.
It's as if Eddy's knows.

"It's really okay if you want to, you know. Cry. Cry all you want. Without any reservation." Eddy kisses his forehead. "But do it here. With me. I'm here for you. Don't leave me. Please."

He can't believe how sweet Eddy is. He lets out a shaky breath. What should he do? He looks into the loving brown eyes facing him. They're without judgement, only love and honesty in them.
He hesitates.
Then he surrenders, leans into the embrace more, wraps his arms around his lovers torso and starts to cry. Cry like he has never done before. Emptying the dark pit of sadness and fear that has been festering inside for so long. Clinging to the man he loves for dear life.

Minutes pass while Eddy softly strokes Brett's hair, letting him get rid of all the bad memories and negative emotions.
After what seems like forever, the waves of grief of what he has been through all those years ago and all the fear that came with it, become smaller. The tears stop flowing and his breath, although still a bit shaky, becomes more steady.

Eddy, still stroking his hair with one hand, tightens the hug with the other that's still wrapped around him.
"A bit better now?" He asks softly.

"Yeah. I think so." Brett answers wearily. Crying has cost him all his the rest of the energy he had. He's suddenly so very tired. He clings limply to Eddy.

Eddy manoeuvres himself so that he can get up.
With some effort he lifts Brett up and carries him to the bed.

"Come here my love. Sleep." He hums in his ear, putting him down on the bed and covering him with the blankets. He slides in beside him. Brett, half dazed with sleep, instinctively turns to him, and rests his head in the crook of his neck. He puts his arm around Eddy's waist as if he's always had done it like that and falls asleep.

Eddy looks down at the black messy hair and the tearstained cheeks on his chest and wonders.
What did this woman do to him? How long for? How much damage did she do? Where is she even? There are so many questions and no answers yet.

It takes him a long time to fall asleep, worrying what the next day will bring.