Club - a Breddy Fanfic.

123) Please

Eddy sobs into Brett's shirt until it's all wet. Brett rubs his back in circles, holding him in a warm, reassuring, loving embrace. He puts a soft kiss on his head once in a while, giving him all the time to recuperate. Even though Eddy is beyond done with the tears, having shed so many in the past few days that it should be enough for a lifetime, he can't seem to stop. Everything he tries to think about makes him start over. How is it possible that such a wonderful person as Brett came into his life? Brett, who at first glance seemed so selfish and distant, but turned out to be such a loving and trustworthy person. Sexy, witty Brett who is lying next to him, holding him as close as he can while Eddy's tears and snot are running into his shirt, which he doesn't seem to not give a damn about. Why Brett still wants to be with him, he just can't understand. Eddy: the equivalent of 'bloody pathetic'. Because isn't he a gawky introvert, too tall to be cute or sexy and with his teeth askew as hell? And most of all: he will never be able to play alongside Brett because of his never failing anxiety. Let's face it: Brett can get someone so much better than him.
So why didn't he let him go when he had the chance? Why didn't he walk away? The thoughts rage through his head like a tornado, no sign of the calm in the eye of the storm in sight.
Brett never stops running his hand in the soothing circles along his back and arms for a seemingly endless amount of time. Then he takes a deep, shaky breath. The clouds clear up a bit and he can finally breathe somewhat normally again.

"Hey, sweetheart. Can you talk to me?" Brett asks softly, his sonorous voice filled with compassion. With love. It's so much more than he deserves. So naturally Eddy starts to cry again.
"Aww, love. Don't start again. Please."
Another circle and a soft squeeze.
"Is this about Monday? You feel bad about the audition?"
Well that's part of it, so Eddy nods. It's all he can manage while he fights back the tears.
"I can imagine you're feeling down about that. You practiced so hard and it didn't work out like you wanted. But I told you already: there will be other chances."

Eddy shakes his head sideways. "Not soon." he croaks.

"Maybe not very soon. But we never know what happens. I didn't see it coming that Indira would quit, for example. Maybe one of the others will as well?"

Eddy lifts his head and shoots a glance at him that makes it clear that he thinks otherwise. He finally finds his voice. "Even if that happens. I won't be able to get in."
The thought of losing again overtakes him and a sob escapes his lips. Luckily he can hold the rest inside so he won't start bawling again.
"I'm just not... good enough..." he hiccups softly. "Not good enough... to be by your side."
There. He's said it. He has been thinking about this over and over again for last couple of days. How can he take his place beside Brett when he is so often like this? So he has to come clean, because Brett has to know.

"What?!" Brett raises his voice, startling Eddy. "How can you say something like that?! You're an excellent violinist and you know it. Auditioning may be not your forte, but you'll manage. So don't give me that-" Suddenly Brett stills. His eyes become large as he lets the full meaning of Eddy's words sink in. "Wait a minute. That's it, isn't it?" as the realisation hits him. "You're not just talking about the orchestra anymore." He grabs Eddy's face and turns him so he has to look him in the eye.

A shiver of electricity pulls through Eddy while Brett searches his eyes. Eddy can hardly bear it, for Brett must be able to see into his soul. Suddenly Brett scrambles up, causing Eddy to slide off him onto the bed.
"Fuck, Eddy. You can't possibly think that you're not good enough for me!? Are you nuts?!"
Eddy tries to look away to anywhere but those dark brown eyes with the floating spot on the inside of the white, but Brett pushes him roughly on his back and straddles him, his knees on either side of his waist. He bends over, leaning on his hands, close to Eddy's ears.
"Eddy, sweetheart. You know what you do to me. You know that I want you. I've shown you so many times." He closes as if to kiss him, but his lips stop with barely inches between them. "I've just told you I love you. Something I promised myself never to say again, and here I am, meaning it a thousand percent." A soft peck lands on the corner of Eddy's mouth. "I want to be with you. I want you with me. I love you." Another soft kiss, but now on Eddy's trembling lips. "I love you! Only you!" Another kiss, but harder this time and Eddy suddenly notices that his lips taste salty, but this time it's not Eddy's tears that are causing it. "So, please let me love you. Please. Don't push me away. Never let me go."

Again that sentence. Of course he never wants to let Brett go, just like he never wants Brett to let him go. Is he really allowed? Does Brett really see a future together, even though he is so despicable?
"Never let me go." Brett whispers again close to his mouth. "Please."