Club - a Breddy Fanfic.

109) Audition?

The game starts and the boys go flat out. Except for Eddy. He tries to get into it, but his mind keep going back to what Brett said involuntarily. You can audition... easier said than done! Because what does he have to play?! Who will watch? Who gets to decide whether he gets in yes or no? He blinks rapidly to get his emotions in check.
The game continues and Eddy tries to participate. But it's so hard to see the screen when he's going blind with worry. Surely he hasn't practiced enough. He won't be able to play anything significant. He won't even know the excerpts they a asking for. He'll suck and Brett will see him fail. Everyone there will know as well. Eddy's breath speeds up, dark spots appearing from out of nowhere. He has his wit enough to notice himself spiraling. He has to get out before the others will notice. Notice how pathetic he is. He has to leave the room.
He puts his controller down and gets up clumsily. He manages a "Gonna use the loo." as an excuse. He has to use the couch for stability when he walks around it towards the hallway. Just a few meters. He prays no one sees. Almost there. He strains to keep his vision in order.
He's almost at the door when someone stops him by placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Eddy? You alright?"
Shit. It's Brett. The last thing he wants is Brett to see him crumbling. Not again. Not about this. He tries to smile, act like it's nothing, but he just knows he's miserably failing this as well.
"Woah, Eddy."
He sees Brett's worried face as in a haze before him and he tries to get a grip.
"Come, sit down for a sec."
Eddy feels he's guided somewhere. Maybe not a bad idea to sit down, because if this takes any longer he'll black out for sure. Who is he kidding? He can't hold on any longer. He sinks to the floor.
"Eddy?" the voice speaking his name is coming from far.
He focuses on his breathing while telling his brain to slow the fuck down.
Because he knows he shouldn't freak out. He knows he's overreacting. But it's so difficult to not to.

"What happened?"
Fuck. Is that Timo?

"I dunno. He got up and then this."
Worried, barely perceptible words. They are talking about him. God. He's so pathetic. He shouldn't make them worry about him. But no matter how hard he tries, all he can see is stern faces of strangers telling him he's no good, why he even bothered to come with his zero talent and scratchy playing. They are right, though.
More illegible mumbling. He shakes his head, desperately trying the images to disappear.
Suddenly there is a heavy hand on his shoulder, followed by nails digging in hard, hurting him.

"Ouch!" Eddy jolts up and looks straight into the sober eyes of Timo. The pain has snapped him back to reality.

"Stop it." Timo says sternly. "Don't. Even. Think. About it." Every syllable is pressed. "Don't let the voices bring you down like that. Seriously."

Eddy swallows hard, fighting tears. He now notices the arms around his waist, the legs besides his own, the body against his. Brett is supporting him from the back, holding him lovingly. Tears are not to stop anymore and a big drop flows over the lid down his cheek.

"Hey, Sweetheart. What is happening?"
Eddy shakes his head. He isn't worth so much consideration when he's acting so stupidly. Because deep down he knows it's stupid.
"Breathe, love."
Tears follow each other, forming a small stream for everybody to see.
Can't he just sink into the floor? Away from the looks he's getting. Away from all the worried faces now pointing at him.
"It's okay." Brett nuzzles his nose into Eddy's hair, comforting.

"Is it because of you having to audition?" Of course Timo knows. He knows him all too well.
Eddy swallows and nods.

"I'm so sorry I dropped this bomb on you. I didn't realize you would be freaking out." Brett says quietly. Eddy lets his head hang. Why can't he act like a normal human being?

"When he got back from Europe, he tried to get into an orchestra." Timo tells the surrounding people. "But every time he got a rejection, his anxiety became worse. Until he couldn't play in front of a committee anymore. I needed work as well. So then we started our wedding/party ensemble." Timo rests a hand on Eddy's shoulder for a moment. This time without the bite of his nails. "Guess he never got over it."

"You surprised me with this. I didn't see it coming." Brett apologises.

Eddy shakes his head. "No. I'm just stupid."

Brett squeezes him hard. "No, you're not. And you know it."

The tears have stopped rolling over, but the balance is very fragile.
"I'm sorry to ruin the night." he whispers.

"Don't worry, mate." Mason voices everybody's opinion.

"Come. Let's get to my room." Brett gets up and reaches out for Eddy's hand.
Eddy takes it and lets him haul him up. Brett hugs him tight for a moment, giving him the support that he needs.
"Come." Brett repeats, guiding him softly towards his room.