Club - a Breddy Fanfic.

122) C'mere

"Do you know what you are saying?" Eddy whispers.
Brett takes a step forward, but Eddy stretches his arm out to stop him and staggers backwards.
"Brett, please," he says, and then he finally turns to look at him. He looks wretches and miserable. "Don't. I can't do this. Go home."

Daggers. Eddy's words feel like daggers thrown in his chest. He has been thinking about saying the L word for some time now, after all these years of closing off his heart to everyone and deliberately not searching for it. Despite all Brett's initial efforts to push him away, Eddy got himself engraved into his heart and soul before he noticed. And he has let him carve deeper until there was no denying it: this was love. He wanted to say it at the right moment, thinking up so many cheesy scenarios when he'd finally tell Eddy, that he got a toothache in advance due to the sweetness of it. But they made him cringe so hard that he didn't dare to follow through until now. Not in his wildest fantasies he would be telling him under these circumstances: Eddy breaking up with him. It's more like a nightmare.

"So all this meant nothing to you?" Brett bites and swallows hard to stop himself from breaking into tears on the spot. "'Us' was never anything real to you?"

Eddy snaps. "You are a complete idiot if you believe that!" he grits through his teeth, "When have I ever, since the first instant we met, pretended to be anything less than in love with you? Are you so fucking self-absorbed as to think this is about whether or not I love you, rather than that I'm... I'm...?" Eddy doesn't continue, seemingly lost for words. Brett doesn't dare to speak, doesn't move, doesn't breathe, his feet rooted to the spot, his mind working overtime to try and understand what Eddy is saying. What is going on in that thick head of his?
Brett waits while Eddy isn't looking at him, staring instead at a point on the ground somewhere, tugging at his own hair in exasperation. Suddenly he continues, his words directed at the plant on the ground in the corner but clearly meant for him.
"I never thought... I never thought this day would come." he says quietly, "I thought... I could have some part of you. But I never imagined you would really love me back."

Brett can't believe his ears. So Eddy loves him? Why is he doing this then?!
"Well," Brett says, "I do. I want you to be with me. And you can choose to be with me. But what do you want?"

"I want you-"

"Then fucking have me." Brett yells in agitation, interrupting him.

"- but I don't think it's possible." Eddy continues, crestfallen.

"What does that even mean?!"

"I don't want it!" Eddy practically shouts. His eyes are flashing, wet and angry and weirdly fearful. "Don't you see? I can love you and want you and still don't think it possible to be together."

"Why? What are you saying?" A tear rolls over Brett's eyelid. He swipes at it angrily. "Can't we figure out a way?"

Eddy stares at him silently and Brett can see the scales balancing in his head. He then shakes his head. "I don't think I can."

Brett takes a step back like he's been punched in the gut. He takes a few quick breaths.
"Fine." he finally says, his voice breaking. "You know what? I'll leave."

"Good."

"I'll leave," he says and he turns back and leans in, "as soon as you tell me to leave."
If he's getting his heart smashed to pieces today, he's sure as hell not going to make it easy.

Eddy looks up in bewilderment. "Brett!"

Brett is in Eddy's face now. "Tell me you're done with me. That you don't want me. I'll leave you alone. That's it. Just say it."

"Fuck you," Eddy voice is breaking. He gets a handful of Brett's shirt and Brett knows he's going to love this stubborn shithead forever.

"Tell me," he says, a ghost of a smile around his lips, "to leave."

For a long moment he's afraid that he'd gambled on the wrong thing, but then he feels before he registers that he's shoved backward into a wall and Eddy's mouth is on his, desperate and wild. He smiles as he opens up to it, pushing his tongue in Eddy's mouth, tugging at his hair with both hands. Eddy groans and Brett feels it in his spine. Does this mean they are not breaking up? Did Eddy change his mind?
They grapple along the wall until Eddy pushes them towards the bedroom, physically picks him up of the floor and staggers toward the bed. Brett bounces when his back hits the mattress, and Eddy stands over him for several breaths, staring. Brett would give anything to know what's going through that fucking head of his. He realizes, suddenly, that Eddy is crying. He swallows. That's the thing: he doesn't know. He doesn't know if this is supposed to be making up or a last time. If it were the latter, he couldn't go on with it, or so he hopes. He hopes with all his might.

"C'mere." He pulls Eddy against himself, envelopes him with his full body, chest against chest, arms around his torso, legs crossing legs, touching as much of him as possible and holding him tightly against him as if to ground him.

"Cry as much as you want, but never let me go." Brett kisses Eddy on his head. "Never let me go." A tear falls onto the dark strands as Brett leans his cheek on Eddy's hair. "Please. Never let me go."

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A/N: I want to give credit to Casey McQuiston,because part of this scene and some of the sentences in this chapter are taken from her 'Red, White& Royal Blue'. It's a really good novel that I would recommend to everyone.