Club - a Breddy Fanfic.

119)

Eddy takes a deep breath and tightens his hug. Brett is holding him so lovingly. Will that change after he tells what happened? He has to tell him, of course. He takes another shaky breath. No more postponing the inevitable.
"I sucked." he whispers at Brett's shoulder and buries his head in the nook of Brett's neck. He can't watch Brett's face right now.

"What? How...?" Brett is clearly befuddled.

After a few seconds Eddy explains. "Had to play the Bach first. First note came with a shaky bow. I messed up." He sighs in defeat. "I didn't recover on time. The last excerpts were better, but even then I wasn't at my best. By far." He shivers as he thinks back how out of tune his Brahms was. To make matters worse he even messed up at the easy parts. He shakes his head. All that practice for what? To present himself as an amateur? To make Brett, who lobbied to get him this audition, look bad? He has failed both himself and Brett big time.

"I'm so sorry." Oh, how he hates that tremble in his voice. It's just like his shaky bow. Pathetic.

"Don't, Eddy." Brett soothes as he hugs him back tightly. "You did your best, okay? It didn't go like you wanted, but you did it anyway. That is good, right?"

"It wasn't enough." Eddy shakes his head again. "I'm not enough."
It's just a mere whisper, but he must be heard none the less, because suddenly Brett pushes him backwards roughly and shakes his shoulders.

"No! Eddy!" Brett scolds him. "Didn't we agree on seeing how it would go and that if it wouldn't work, you'd at least tried?" He turns Eddy's face with his hand to force him to look at him. "And you went. You played. Maybe not like you wanted, but these kinds of things happen. If you don't get in, so be it. Next time you will."

Eddy's eyes fill with tears. He blinks them away rapidly. Next time? To hell with next time. Surely Brett must know that an opening like this doesn't come along that often and even if it did, he would butcher it again. He hangs his head in defeat. Only now he notices his other friends. Great. More people to see how he failed.
"Timo? Mason? Why are you here?"

"We came to tell you to break a leg and that we're rooting for you." Timo says, not offended by Eddy's directness. "But we got stuck in traffic and got here a few minutes too late to actually tell you."

Eddy casts his eyes down. So many people have been bothered because of him. Brett has been practicing all weekend with him and they even couldn't go out. And now Timo and Mason, coming all the way here to support him. All for nothing. It's too much. A tear forms in the corner of his eye and rolls down his cheek. He swipes angrily at it.
"Sorry to let you down..."

Timo regards him soberly, shrugs, inhales deeply and makes a loud fart noise with his mouth, startling everybody and shattering the serious mood all at once. Count on Timo to lighten things up. Eddy is actually grateful for it.
"You know what I think?" Timo states. "I think we should get ourselves some serious bubble tea."

"That is a great idea!" Brett wraps an arm around Eddy's shoulders and kisses him on his cheek. "Come along, folks."

"Same as always?" Brett inquires as they walk into their regular Bubble Tea place.

"Yeah." Eddy says while he walks towards the table they have sat at a million times. Eddy glances over it. The table doesn't seem any different from the night he pulled Brett towards him for a flaming kiss. The same night that some random girl thought it necessary to force a kiss on Brett, which resulted in him telling Eddy that he wanted to be with him. That he even would give up clubbing if Eddy asked him to. But he chose the option that they would kiss standing in the centre of the dancefloor, so that it would be clear that Brett was his. It never happened, though. The last time he was at the Club he ran outside to throw up in a bin because of a girl's comment. Too tall, skinny, teeth... he can still her hear say it. She should have added 'untalented, pathetic, loser'. He slides between the table and the bench and takes a deep breath.

Mason slides opposite him.
"It's been a while since we were here together." Mason says, way to cheerfully for Eddy's mood.

Eddy looks up at him. Is he trying to cheer him up? Mason always wants to take care of everybody in their group of friends. Is he the same at work?
"Are you enjoying teaching?"

If Mason is surprised with this question, he doesn't show it. "Actually yes. I like my pupils. It's awesome to see their progress and know you had a hand in that."

Eddy nods. "U-huh." He himself liked that as well, when he used to teach back when he was at university. "But I'm not a very patient teacher myself. I can't handle a sloppy practice attitude."

"Can imagine that." Mason laughs brightly. "I'm more easy going with that. And face it: I don't have the instrument to be able to do something else easily. I'm no soloist material." he shrugs and takes up a coaster laying on the table. "Don't get me wrong. I think I'm good. Above average if I say so myself, but I'm no Midori in any universe." he chuckles and twists the coaster with his nimble fingers so it spins in circles for him. "If only an orchestra needed several pianist, right? But even so. I don't have to follow directions from a concert master or a conductor. I don't have to travel and sleep in crappy beds. I like to follow my own path. My own schedule. Play and teach what I want and were I want. It's a lot of freedom you guys don't have while playing in an orchestra setting."

Timo slides in besides Mason and pushes a bubble tea towards him. He looks curiously back and forth from Mason to Eddy to see what they are talking about. Mason eyes him in return.
"It's a bit like you guys." he continues. "I know you don't always like the things you have to play at weddings and such, but you can decide if you want those gigs. More than Brett can anyway." he nods towards Brett who approaches their table with two bubble teas in his hands.

"What can't I?" Brett asks curiously as he pushes Eddy's drink towards him.

"Decide what you want to play at work."

"Yeah. But it's epic most of the time, so I don't mind others deciding." Brett says casually as he slips beside Eddy, handing him his straw.
Eddy can actually hear the kick Brett receives from Mason under the table and doesn't miss the face Mason makes at Brett. Oh. Did Mason say all of this only to cheer him up or something?
Eddy sighs deeply and takes a quick sip of his drink.
The small tapioca pearls and the sweet liquid flowing through the straw don't offer him much comfort today.