I Don't Forgive You

14. Burns

"What do you mean Touya?" Hawks asked.

"Between you and Enji," Dabi sighed, "I don't want to know what happened. But I need to."

"Why?" Hawks looked up at Dabi, "why would you want to hear about it?"

"I don't want to Kei," Dabi walked into their bathroom, leaving Hawks sitting on the bed.

"Now you're just confusing me," Keigo shouted towards the bathroom and flung himself backwards on the bed. He groaned and pushed himself back up remembering the burns on his back, "you want me to tell you, but you don't want me to tell you. And then you just walk away."

"Calm down," Dabi came back from the bathroom holding a towel, and the first aid kit in his hands. He tossed the first aid kit next to Hawks and then knelt down in front of him. Using the towel, he began to clean the mess from Hawks' stomach. "I don't want to know Keigo, but if you don't tell me what happened... I won't be able to stop wondering and thinking about every possible scenario."

"Oh." Hawks whispered, watching Dabi as he carefully cleaned up.

"It would hurt less to just know," Dabi stood up, dropping the towel on the floor. He moved around the bed and knelt down on the bed behind where Hawks was sitting.

"After the war, I-" Hawks stopped, his chest growing tight. "I've never really talked about it before."

Dabi wrapped his arms around Hawks, resting his head between his wings, "you know you can always talk to me, right?"

"I do," Hawks grabbed Dabi's hands and closed his eyes, "its just not easy to talk about."

"Babe," Dabi let go of Hawks, "remove your feathers."

With a sigh, Hawks let his feathers fall in a pile on the floor. "After the war, I felt like I had lost myself. During the war, I was so focused on the fight, that I hadn't even had time to process everything I had lost."

Dabi stayed quiet, as he opened the first aid kit. He poured the burn cream on his hands, and began gently rubbing them against the burns on Hawks' back.

"I had lost my wings, and I felt like I couldn't be hero anymore," Hawks continued, "I couldn't be me. I lost the trust of the people. I lost you."

"Everything you lost because of me," Dabi clenched his teeth, as he continued to treat the burns.

"No Touya," Hawks said, "the things I lost because of me. I made a choice, between two impossible things, risk letting the country be over run, or-" Hawks took a sharp breath, "I know that we will never agree on my choice, but it wasn't one I ever wanted to make."

"I know," Dabi said, "Getting hung up over what happened to Jin now. It doesn't do us any good, Kei. What does this have to do with Endeavor?"

"One night, I just couldn't take it all anymore," Hawks whispered, "I didn't want to feel the pain anymore, so I got really drunk, to try and hide from it all. I dont even remember how I ended up at Enji's doorstep."

Dabi placed bandages against the treated burns, carefully placing the tape so it wouldn't pull against his skin.

"I barely remember a thing from that night," Hawks continued, "I remember kissing him, and then the next thing I knew I was crying, and he was on top of me. I was looking up at him, and this man who I'd looked up to all my life, I could only think of how pathetic he was. It was like this illusion just broke right there."

Dabi moved so that his legs were resting around Hawks' waist and laid his head against his back. His hands traced against Hawks' thighs, as he listened to Hawks, trying to ignore the anger that welled up inside him.