October 43 (Steve Rogers x OC)

Chapter 15

Present Day

The more that Steve Rogers thought about his life. The more he realised just how much he had lost, especially now that Thanos had snapped away people he'd known. Hydra had claimed lives over the years that he was in the ice and on coming out again just as he had gone in - only Peggy Carter had been left.

Over the years that he had been back, he'd learnt to move on, accepting what had happened to him, grieving those he had lost, and making new friends along the way.

But the one he would always feel the most pain for was his wife.

His best girl.

He'd never had the chance to really say goodbye to her, only a message to be passed on through Peggy to tell her how sorry he was and that he loved her.

The first thing that he did was look for her, only to find nothing. It was as though she never existed until Coulson had seen just how depressed he was and had brought him some highly confidential files for him.

"What are you thinking about?" Nat now asked as she sat slumped in her chair and picked at her sandwich. She was the only one to frequent the once busy compound, trying to keep the 'Avenger' spirit alive when it had long died. Tony had all but disconnected himself from everyone, Steve had decided to take a place in Brooklyn to feel a sense of home. But still, even after five years, the world was still struggling, and so were they if they ever would admit it.

"Hmm?" He looked up from his own chair across from her, arms crossed as his mind had taken him back to October '43 and onwards. He'd found himself doing that more and more lately. Trying to relive the moments that had brought him most comfort. The support group had been helping, but there was only so much anyone could say. "Sorry..." He apologised. "Just a lotta things in my head today".

Nat nodded understandably. "You never talk about her". She stated with some confusion. "I know the picture and the lock of hair is in your compass, but you've never told me about her really".

"It's been hard to process. I came out of the ice hoping I'd see her again, but instead I got a lot of files with no answers until eventually I got some..." He stared at a spot on the floor, almost glaring to himself and feeling the anger rise a little. "I had a son..."

Nat's face changed. "What?"

"After I went into the ice, my son was born". He now pulled out his wallet and produced a dog eared picture that he'd kept there since Coulson had given it to him. "Bridgette was a German nurse who Hydra took during the war so as she and others could assist in experimenting on prisoners of war. When I raided a base to get the 107th out, she was there and came willingly. Schmidt had put her through a lot, she was just as much a victim. I decided the only way to keep her safe would be to marry her..."

Nat smiled lightly. "My god...I bet that did not go down well".

"Not at all, but it was done and the SSR just had to get over it. And in time they did. Bridgette wasn't exactly treated nicely at first, but soon that stopped. She was everything to me..."

"And your son?"

"After the war had ended, he was born. It seemed like the SSR had wanted to protect him in case anything happened given that I was his father. But even they couldn't..." He saw Nat's expression and then told her the information that had shattered him. "They were killed in 1947 by the winter solider".

Nat stared at him and slowly shook her head. "No..."

Steve nodded. "And that's something I've had to deal with, that I'm still dealing with. It was Bucky, but at the same time, it wasn't".

"How..."

Steve looked pained. "He killed them both and then set fire to the house, making it look like an accident - I mean, that's what Hydra was about after all, making accidents happen. You remember what Zola said".

Nat looked at the picture and shook her head. "What was his name? The baby..."

"Jack". Steve confirmed, never having said the name out loud to anyone, least of all himself. It still felt strange to say it. "They figured that Hydra had sent the winter solider out because they had intel that he was my kid, and they wanted to rid the world of another potential threat. Because that's all he was to them. Not a kid. A threat". His words were angered now. "So they took him and they took my wife as extra reassurance".

"So that's why you've never spoke about her". It all fell into place for Nat.

He shrugged. "What else is there to say? I couldn't protect her like I wanted to and neither could anyone else. Now I have to live with it as well as everything else".

Would he have changed anything if he had the chance to? No, because millions of people would have died if he'd not have taken control of the plane, but if he'd have known of anything else then he would have seen that his wife would have been protected more than he'd already tried. In the end it wasn't Schmidt that she'd needed to be kept from, but Hydra itself. He would always regret not having chosen to put things into place in the event of his death. Instead he'd been too consumed in trying to avenge Bucky that he'd neglected Bridgette in that sense.

"Steve..." Nat now brought him round from his thoughts again. "really, if ever you need to talk about her, about Jack?"

"There's nothing left to say" He repeated. "They're gone, and in the long run? I'm to blame for it".

"You were in the ice, you didn't even know you would have a child". Nat pointed out.

"I still should have seen that Bridgette was looked after and protected if that was going to happen, but at the time I wasn't thinking straight. It was all about the mission - and the mission cost me everything". 

That would always remain his biggest failure in life, and now he had to live with that.