My dove

Come to me darling| angst? H&c

*Authors note~ to anyone struggling with either of those my messages are always open to provide a listening ear. On a personal level this one has my heart*

Trigger warning ~ self harm, eating disorders

Prompt~ tumblr anon~ hi, so I have been struggling a with some mental problems lately and your lesso fics help so much, i some how feel loved by her y'know? so can i request for a one shot of lesso finding out that reader has severe problems with sh and an ed(bulimia)? its okay if you're not comfortable, i totally get it cause they're tough, ty anyway
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Somehow you always managed to be stuck back in this vicious cycle. Sometimes it would be because you were triggered and sometimes you didn't even know how you got back here. It was never ending cycle, one that you seemed to fall back too more often than you planned. You knew how you got this diagnosis, of course you did but it didn't mean you truly deserved this. In fact no one in your opinion deserves to feel this much torture. Yet you still felt the need to punish yourself for it. Another nasty cycle you seemed to find yourself in. And no one at the schools of good and evil had any clue about it. You were embarrassed by your displays of weakness in these moments, only making the negative feelings stronger and the cycles harder to break from.

With exams and trails upcoming you were fully aware that you'd be thrown into those fiery pits of your own personal hell. And unfortunately for you that was exactly what happened. You didn't notice the slip at first, throwing yourself into your work and revising caused you to skip meals or eat less in order to get more study time. But then you'd feel so hungry later in the night all you could do was snack on whatever food you had in your dorm. It was becoming unhealthy and you knew that yet try as you might you were powerless to stop it.

Then the nagging voice in your head causing you to hear words that had long since been said. It's really true what people stay words do stick. And for you it was always in these moments that it all came flooding back to you. How you needed to lose weight and how what you were doing was all a choice. You were choosing to be this disgusting. Those words would cause you to freak out and immediately expel whatever new calories you'd just taken in. Then the feelings of guilt and resentment over your actions would cause you to make your way to the bed side table and take out the little piece of metal that resides there. Rolling your sleeves up you'd press that piece of metal against your skin and drag it. Horizontally and vertically not caring how many you made, how much blood spilled on your ivory skin and finally you'd feel nothing. The pure bliss of nothing for a little while until the cycle begins all over again.

Your arms were littered in little white lines old and new. Some even bring bandaged due to the depth. Your long black sleeves hiding them from prying eyes. That's how you managed to get by unnoticed for so long. The stress you experienced had the deadly cycle occurring each and every night these days. One particular night, Lady Lesso was patrolling the halls after lights out when the sounds of wrenching flooded her ears, rather odd but she was unable to locate just where they were coming from.

You had finished what needed to be done and left the wash rooms at the end of the hall not spotting the ginger haired women at the start, you fiddled with your sleeves as you clocked eyes with the women. Panic flooded through you worrying that you had been caught by the one and only Dean of Evil.  She approached you watching as you seemed to frozen on the spot, "Y/n? Are you quite alright little dove?" Concern briefly flashed over her features as you stuttered out a response to the question and fled the scene. "How odd little dove" was the last thing you heard lesso mumble at your departure.

Being seen only made the feelings of guilt that much stronger. To the point you had continued to harm throughout the next day. Aiming for any patch of clear skin you could discreetly reach. Your focus had been poor all day and that wasn't missed by the Dean. All through her lesson you seemed to be else where. There in body but not in mind. And she had this gut sinking feeling that today and last night were connected. So much so she intended to speak with you once the class had ended.

It was the sharp pain radiating from your arm as you attempted to flee the classroom that had your attention. You whimpered at the contact and tried to pull your arm back towards your body, only to be met with resistance. Your scared gaze flicked upwards to meet the stubborn gaze of Lesso. Somehow you knew you wouldn't be able to bluff your way through this.

Your thoughts were messy and unorganised to the point you didn't even remember moving from the class to her office. Yet here she was sat before you as you were perched on her desk. Gently she took your offending arm and began to roll the sleeve up. As soon as she caught sight of the bloody bandage you snapped your arm back to your chest and broke down. Sobs flowing from you as you struggled to catch your breath. Her eyes widened taking in the sight before her. She had no idea you were doing this. And she wasn't mad at all just concerned for you. The fact you were doing this to yourself, she's all for evil acts but you were the purest student she has and to see you suffer so much in silence truly hurt her heart. Unbeknownst to everyone at the school, the Never students were like Lesso's children and to see one in such a pain was devastating.

You had pulled yourself together impressively quickly, almost as if you were use to doing so. She tired to keep her tone light and gentle explaining she needed to check the cuts were not infected and would help you rewrap them. It took a little while but you trusted her and let her have your hand, she lead you to her conjoined bathroom and helped you sit upon the counter top. Her ministrations were gentle and she reassured with every whimper of pain you let free. She was as quick as possible while making sure she did it perfectly. Only when she was finished and your sleeve was rolled down did she mumble a statement, "little dove I know what you did last night, but why?"

The dreaded question. Tears sprang to your eyes as you answered honestly. After all she'd already see a your arms. You explained how it's a harsh never ending cycle and that your cuts were punishment for being so weak and feeling the guilt from what you were doing. You explained you punished yourself harshly yesterday for being caught in the act. Immediately Lesso caught on, there was more. She asked to see and you lifted your dress to sit just above your thighs, and instantly she could see the angry fresh red cuts that lay their haphazardly done, some still bleeding. She could see the shame and guilt written all over your face so set to work cleaning and bandaging the ones that required it. Then she helped you off the side and took you back to sit on her desk. "Little dove, you're beautiful now you are and next time you feel like this I want you to come to me. I may be evil dear but I'm not heartless. We will get you through this and I want you to know how truly special you are Y/n. Always remember that" she murmured into your ear as she wrapped you up in the most comforting embrace you had ever experienced. Maybe just maybe you could get through this with a little support.

Word count~ 1392