My dove

Youre safe with me| fluff

*Authors note~ so after posting "They still haunt me" on here and tumblr a part 2 was requested. I am happy to oblige with this after speaking to the original requester. So please if you ever have any prompts or requests feel free to shout at me and I'll do my best to make them happen read on darlings*

Trigger warnings ~ mentions past abuse , panic attacks

Prompt ~ part two for they still haunt me ~ aftermath of r finding Lesso's letter and the conversation that follows.

When you felt your body rouse from the land of sleep you were confused. Light seeped into the room through the small gap in the curtains, seemingly highlighting a piece of parchment that laid neatly on your bedside table. You hadn't left anything out? What happened last night? Cautiously, you reached out to grab the parchment gasping in shock when you caught sight of the unmistakable penmanship."Dearest y/n come and find me in the morning I wish to speak with you about what you've been going through and find a way to support you, just know you're not alone and won't ever be alone again. You are safe here little one. You're safe with me. Lady lesso"

You read over the words in shock, that had really happened last night. How embarrassing! You had appeared so weak in front of the great Dean of Evil. If it had truly happened you had seen a side of the women you didn't truly know and that absolutely terrified you. In your experience people were only nice when they got some kind of benefit from that. Where was the benefit of last night? Maybe this was all a cruel joke? If your mother taught you anything in life, it's that you can't trust anyone, no matter how nice they portray themselves to be.

You still couldn't help the tears that spilled at the thought of the women possibly somehow enjoying your display of weakness, yet you were unable to forget the kindness she showed you and the feelings she brought out in you. It was frustrating and scary and ultimately all you could feel was the overwhelming need to hide.  And that's exactly what you did. You got yourself ready for classes that day and made sure to try and relax, her kind words flowing round your mind constantly reminding you of the exact issue you were avoiding.

Somehow throughout the day you managed to seem more irritated if that was even possible. Your panic rising as the day trickled on. Each lesson closer to hers. Do you go? Do you stay? Do you seek her out at all? You had no idea what would be best. On some level you wished to confide in her, lay all the secrets bare for her to see. But on the other hand, you wanted to run away and hide, never to face Lady Lesso again. The internal wore you were battling continued to rage on throughout the whole day. By the time your Curses and Death Traps lesson was due to start your anxiety was at an all time high. How on earth were you going to make it through this lesson sane?

In your panicked state you did the only thing your exhausted brain could come up with is to run. And run you did. You completely evaded anyone who could possibly interfere, running in a desperate attempt to quell the internal war. You ended up running up your very own little hide away. To your knowledge no one knew of this little space. It was tucked away in the tallest spike of the building. The compact space soothed you as if it were a waited blanket. The walls laid bare showing how unused yet simplistic this space was. Another calming fact to the room was it held no disturbances for you. The one place you truly felt safe. Here in your nook no one could harm you. You often wonder if this is how your childhood should've been. And that was the thought that caused your break down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~flash back~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You were cowering away hidden between your bed and the small set of draws that held your clothes, tears streaming down your face and your little mind tried to understand what was happening. Your chest heaving, feeling as though rocks were weighing it down, all you could do is cover your mouth with your sleeve in an attempt to muffle your cries.

It really wasn't your fault. Honestly you knew that you hadn't caused this. But her words, well they were convincing you otherwise. Your mother had not long met her boyfriend, the mere thought of his name disgusting you, and she had introduced you to him instantly. Thinking back you remember how terrified you were to meet a strange man. You wished for your mother's happiness so you gave it your best shot, you were polite and respectful but something about him meant you couldn't trust him. Soon enough he proved that feeling right.

When your mother was out what he did, the way he treated you was most certainly not okay. Even your smaller self knew that. At first you kept it a secret I mean would anyone believe you? You weren't so sure. Your mother was constantly furious with you for not getting along with him which made it all so much worse. Her punishments for that would quickly become physical and you grew to have a strong dislike for the women she was turning into.

Then you tried to tell your trusted therapist. As a child of divorce you attended regular sessions and she had become some what of a friend to you. Do you opened up, showed her the bruises and relived all the despicable things you had experienced. You thought she was in your side, that she believed you, that you were safe. But oh how wrong you'd been.

No. The therapist broke toe confidentiality rules, she went to your mother and disclosed everything you had told her. She explained it was simply you dealing with the split between your mother and birth farther and children your age often tale fibs as a coping mechanism. Which wasn't true! Why didn't anyone believe you when's you we're literally covered in the proof? What else were they waiting for? You didn't know. All you knew is that no one, absolutely no one is trust worthy. If you were to make it out alive you'd have to do it alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~ end of flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could feel your mind being pulled back from the painful memories but unsure why. After all you were the only one who knew this place existed. Or where you? It was the voice of Lesso that was pulling you back. Only then did you notice the irregular breathing, tears streaming down your cheeks and unrelenting shaking.

Lesso had been looking for you after you didn't arrive in her class. Worry trickling away below the surface as she tried to maintain her usual facade. As soon as the rest of the Nevers flocked from the room she set off in a search. Where on earth were you? And more importantly were you okay? She searched all the usual places you where known to hide. Yet you weren't there. Panic now rising, she picked up her pace and stalked around the castle scanning every possible hiding place she could think off. Until she came to the tallest point of the school. Now she made a habit of not telling her students about this, it was sort of her sanctuary, being just the floor above her office it just made sense. So you can imagine her utter shock when she spots you curled up in a corner clearly having a panic attack.

"Little one? Can you come back to, follow my voice darling, that's it good girl" she cooed on a repeat hoping to provide some sort of comfort. She truly cared for you and that's the moment you realised. You threw yourself into her arms, In which she wrapped around you instantly. "Hush little one I have you. You're safe. It's okay. I'm not mad." She reassured while bringing her hand to mess with your hair in a soothing manner. You didn't know how long you sat in her embrace, soaking up all the reassurance you could. And there seemed to be a never ending supply of it which allowed you to hide for a while.

Only when your breathing had completely evened out and the tears had now dried did she pull back to see you. You were broken. A broken dove sat in her lap, looking up at her with those pleading eyes. You needed help. And she was determined to give that to you. But if anything Lesso knew what it was like to hide, to keep secrets and too feel alone so she knew that if she pushed too hard you'd leave. Although patience was not something Never's normally practice, Lesso sat and waited for you to broach the conversation. And you did in your own time. You broke down once more, explaining everything to her while in the safety of her embrace. She never once interrupted you, just allowing you to let it all out while she rocked you. Only once she was sure you were done did she speak up and reassure you that you'd always have her and could trust her implicitly. Lesso would never allow you to be hurt again. And when she said those words, cradling you in her embrace, for the first time you actually believed them

Word count ~ 1607