Seventeen | ✔️

Forty-One

Once I had returned to consciousness after passing out in the courtroom, once the world progressed as normal, West and I were escorted back to the safehouse. There, we were to gather our belongings. They were going to take us back to our dorms, and the mere thought of stepping back onto the Arbor Coast campus petrified me. The news of Otto's convictions would be released for the public any time now, and I could only imagine the looks I would be getting from the other students at the school as West and I returned.

On the drive back to campus, we were informed that Jason had been admitted into a mental facility for the night. His tantrum from earlier had unsettled his psychiatrist who was present during the trial and felt it was necessary to admit him. She thought he could have been entering into a manic episode. He hadn't experienced one of those in awhile. If we wanted, we could visit him at the facility, but I wasn't sure I could after the events. I wasn't sure I could do much of anything.

The officers dropped us off at the campus, and West and I started our short walk to the dorm buildings. West followed me all the way up to mine, not wanting to leave my side. As I turned the key in the lock, I opened the door, revealing my chaotic bedroom exactly how I had left it:

A mess.

"Do you need me to stay with you?" West asked lightly once I entered the room.

I shook my head and then turned around to face him. "No," I said. "Jason needs you more. Go be with him."

"Are you sure?" He asked again.

"Positive."

West sighed. "Harrison, if you need me to stay, I will."

"Go West," I demanded, then going over to shut the door in his face, locking it. I couldn't be around him right now. I couldn't be around anyone. I spun around to face my room, going over and lying on the bed. I stared up at the ceiling.

I felt so defeated and dead inside. Otto would be spending only 5 years in jail, 2 years in a mental hospital, and then he would be released. How was I supposed to know if he would forget about me and start a new life or if he would come back to me? He would walk free, and how was I supposed to know if he would be himself or the predator?

The paranoia would kill me slowly, but I didn't want that. I didn't want to have to constantly look over my shoulder for the rest of my life, fearful that Otto would try to kill me again. Fearful that the man I loved would want to finish what he started.

I had to end this.

I sprung out of my bed, practically running into my bathroom and searching my cabinets. I began throwing the contents of every drawer onto my floor, desperately looking for something to stop the pain, something to end this.

If Otto wasn't going to jail for the rest of his life, then how could I live on for the rest of mine?

I scanned every area of my bathroom, but nothing came up. There were no pills, nothing that would help me. At that moment, a lightbulb went off in my head, and I knew exactly what to do. I knew exactly how to put an end to my suffering. I grabbed the keys to my car and quickly left my dorm, running down the halls and towards the elevator. I had to leave right now. It was the only way.

•••

I stood on top of the all-too-familiar mountain, the wind blowing my hair gently from side to side and the hot sunlight radiating above me.

Otto had been onto something: Mount Huron would be a beautiful spot to die.

I took in the view of the trees which were all a bright green. There weren't any houses or buildings in sight, which made it absolutely perfect. No noise of cars driving by, nothing. It was as serene as a place could be, and I loved it.

But I wasn't here to be mesmerized by the view.

Nothing in my life had ever gone right, that was for sure. Every person I had deeply loved turned out to be screwed up in the head, from my brother to Otto. Surely, I was destined to be screwed up in my own head, too. And my mind was fucked up because I had been so in love with someone who was nothing more than a maniac. And I was still in love with Otto. I couldn't live with myself feeling that way. I couldn't live with my love for him.

Standing so close to the edge of the mountain, my mind wandered to the details of my brother's suicide. I remembered how my parents said they were going to be home late, which meant that me and my brother, Archer, would be in charge of dinner.

Archer had a free period at the end of the day, and I had to take the bus home from school. When I got home, I was so excited to hangout with him. We always ordered our favorite pizza and watched a horror movie when our parents were out. I remembered the day like it was yesterday:

"Archer?" I called out once I got home. I made my way into the kitchen, grinning as I spotted a $20 bill on the counter to pay for dinner. Archer could always convince my parents to leave us money when they left. He was their favorite, after all.

When Archer didn't answer, I just shrugged and walked upstairs, heading towards his bedroom. I knocked twice on the door before opening it, expecting to see him sitting at his desk working on homework, but he wasn't there. He wasn't on his bed, either. So I just shut the door and went back downstairs.

I remembered seeing his car in the driveway, so he had to have been home. And he would've told me if he had plans or other obligations for the night. He would have texted me.

I checked almost every room in the house before finally heading towards the basement door. Our basement was a place no one really ever went, as it was completely unfinished. It was pure grey concrete, and the temperature down there was freezing. But it was my last resort, so I opened the door and made my way down the stairs.

What I saw when I turned the corner was an image that would never leave my mind.

I snapped out of my flashback, remembering exactly what I had seen: Archer was hanging from the ceiling, blood running out of open gashes on his legs and arms. He cut open his major arteries so that he would bleed out, was what the doctor told us in that unbearable all-white narrow hospital hallway that suffocated me. And then he hung himself. He was gone, just like that.

I returned my attention to the mountain. I looked down to see just how high 1,000 feet was, and how far of a drop it would be. It was incredibly high.

Archer had ended his life, and it had been so easy for him. It could be that easy for me, too, couldn't it?

So I took one step closer to the edge, and then another, nearly losing my balance and falling off the cliff. But before I could plunge down the mountain, letting the wind choose my path, a pair of arms chose my path instead. The arms wrapped around my body and pulled me away from the ledge. I broke out into tears as the arms hugged me tightly. When I looked up, my eyes were met with West's, and he was crying, too. He wouldn't let go of me.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked in between gasps for air. "Why aren't you with Jason?"

"Because you need me more, Harrison," West breathed, and I shook my head at him, my lip starting to quiver.

I felt a wave of so many different emotions crash over me. From sadness to hopelessness to anger. I struggled to form a response, as the lump in my throat grew bigger by the second.

"I love him, West," I croaked. "I love him, but I don't want to."

West pulled me in towards his chest, running a hand through my hair as I broke down, whimpering into his body. "I know," he whispered to me, the hot breath from his mouth hitting my ear. "I know."

And the path-choosing arms wrapped me up once again.

•••