Survival Guide: To Surviving the Living Dead 101

Rule #38

There is No Such Thing as Paradise

This rule is kind of a revamp of rule number fourteen: No Place is Safe. Because no place is fucking paradise. You would think Alexandria was paradise with how few walkers there were. Inside Alexandria looked like the old world. Inside you could almost pretend like the world never ended. Everyone acted like the world didn't end. Hell, the people in this community would never survive outside these walls. They'll be lucky if they survive what we just fucking found.

While taking Pete's body outside of the walls to bury we came across a quarry. And inside that quarry were thousands of walkers. I've never seen so many in one place. Then we were taken to where the quarry was to see the only thing keeping the walker inside were a couple tractor trailers. "We don't take care of this…those walkers will fucking destroy Alexandria," I said. Rick nodded his head, "yeah, I know. We'll have to come up with a plan, teach them how to defend themselves so they can help us. And so that's what we did, we came up with a plan. We trained those who didn't know how to protect themselves and how to at least take a walker down without a gun.

Daryl and I were laying in bed, the moon shone bright through the window. I laid there staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't sleep. We were finally somewhere nice. Sure the people in Alexandria were completely clueless and helpless. But we were in a house that wasn't falling apart or had the stench of death in it. We were able to sleep in a real bed, one that wasn't musty. The blankets weren't moth-eaten or gross. We all had our own space. I mean we had our own space at the prison but we were also still so close. And we have actual doors instead of sheets.

It could all change and we could all end right back out there walking for miles on end, scrounging for food, and fighting for our lives. All because there was a quarry full of thousands of walkers. The military did a great fucking job. Clearly that was sarcasm. Me and Daryl were getting somewhere. Hell, he was even willing to give this place a shot. Did I maybe think that things might be a little easier here? Yes, just a little. And I know it isn't smart to get my hopes up like that but I couldn't help it. After having to fight for our lives the past two years it was nice to just relax and not worry if you were going to be eaten by dead fuckers.

"Why are ya still awake?" I looked over at Daryl and sighed. "I can't sleep," I said. "C'mere." He lifted his arm up and I rolled on to my side. I threw a leg over his, wrapped my arm around his waist and laid my head on his chest. "Why can't ya sleep?" He asked. I took a deep breath, taking in his scent. "Just keep thinking about all those walkers. How are we going to lead them all away without any complications?" His hand rubbed up and down my back. "We'll figure it out. We always do."

I sat up and straddled his waist. His whole body tensed under me. We haven't gone any further than kissing and even that wasn't much. It's not like we made out of anything. It was just a kiss before we separated, said goodnight. Just a quick kiss, nothing more. “Relax, Daryl. It’s not like I’m trying to do anything.” He gave me a look that said he knew I was lying. “Okay, maybe I am. Would it be so bad if I did want to do more than a simple small kiss?" I asked, biting my bottom lip.

I didn't want to force him to do anything he was uncomfortable with. Daryl wasn't one for the whole PDA or being all over all over each other like two hormonal teenagers. He wasn't saying anything and was still tense maybe more than a few seconds ago. Now I was feeling like an idiot. But it also was bringing back some memories I would prefer not to think about. I closed my eyes, shaking my head slightly, "fuck. I'm sorry," I whispered, climbing off of him and heading to the bathroom. I didn't want him to see the tears that were gathering.

Like I said there is no such thing as paradise. I was starting to feel stupid for even thinking things could be different here. That I could be happy for once in my life and actually have a relationship that didn't end with me having a broken heart. Have a relationship where I felt wanted. Where I didnt feel like I wasn't fucking everything up. Be with someone who loves me for me and doesn't want to change me. I guess this new world isn't any different than the old one.

After I calmed myself down and pushed the tears and anxiety away, I went back out to the room and climbed into bed. I didn't even take notice that Daryl was gone at first. Not until I was scooching around to try and get comfortable. I flipped to my other side and saw his side of the bed empty. That's all it took for the anxiety to come roaring back and for the tears to fall. I made him uncomplicated and fucked it all up…like I always did.

The next morning I woke alone, which didn’t surprise me. I rolled onto my back and stretched out my body. With a long sigh I sat up on the edge of the bed and then stood up to stretch even more. Walking around the bed I went into the bathroom and started the shower. It was probably useless to get a shower now when I’d no doubt be getting dirty and sweaty but I wanted to stand under the hot water. It has been so long since we had hot water, the last time was at the farm. I stripped out of the shorts and tee shirt I wore to bed and got under the spray of the water. The bathroom was already filling with steam with how hot I had the water. I stood with my back to the water and dropped my head down.