Survival Guide: To Surviving the Living Dead 101

Rule #39

It's Okay to Fall in Love 

It's okay to fall in love during the apocalypse. It's going to be scary of course, because you don't want to lose them. But it's okay to fall in love. Look at Glenn and Maggie. They fell in love and they made each other stronger. Some people it might be a little harder. Like, I've been in love or at least I thought I was in love but that ended badly. Daryl definitely hasn't been in love before and probably isn't which I can't blame him. He didn't have a good chuld hood with parents that loved him. And I wouldn't blame him for not wanting to be with me after last night. 

As I walked down the stairs, pushing my gun into the holster I took a deep breath in and hummed. When I walked into the kitchen I saw Carol standing at the sink. "Is that coffee I smell?" She turned around and smiled. "Yes. Would you like a cup?" She grabbed a mug, filled it and handed it to me. "I could fucing kiss you right now!" She laughed and swatted my arm. "Careful. Daryl might hear you and get jealous." 

Mu smiled dropped and I leaned over the counter, the mug between both hands. "I doubt that," I whispered. Of course she heard me. "What do you mean? Daryl likes you. I mean you sleep in the same room and the same bed." I took a sip of the coffee trying to avoid the question. "Yn, what happened?" I shrugged and let out a long sigh. "I– I did something and he rejected me. I went to the bathroom and when I came back he was gone." I cleared my throat. "Better this way anyway. Don't want to get too close. So what're your plans today?" 

"It's okay to be in love with him." I snapped my eyes up at her and laughed a little. "Carol, I'm not in love. And Daryl definitely isn't in love. I mean I don't blame him for leaving. I wouldn't blame him if he never came back either. He's not someone that wants to play house and be in a relationship. It was just a simple… caught up in the moment thing and last night knocked him back to reality. Rick's his best friend. And I don't want to come between that. It's fine." 

I stood up and headed for the door. "Just give him time!" I slammed the door shut behind me and took a shaky breath in. I needed to get the fuck out of these walls. I made my way down the steps and headed for the gate. Of course I had to be stopped by a shrill voice that I was hoping I never had to hear again. "Yn! Oh, my god you're alive too!" I stopped and looked over to see Carrie standing in front of Aaron and Eric's garage letting go of Daryl. "Fuck me." 

"Carrie…you…survived!" It was a fucking shock that she was alive. Remember rule number twenty-seven? The past always comes back. "Barely. I can't believe you're here! I saw Daryl over here working on this bike that I just found out he built himself. So fucking hot! I thought the two of you would be together but he said y'all are just friends. That's so sad." I felt my heart crack at her words. He told her we were just friends. I looked at him but he was avoiding making eye contact with me. 

"Yeah, sure I guess. What're you doing here?" I asked. "Oh, Aaron found me! Such a great guy. So, you wouldn't mind if I got a little closer to Daryl would you? You know since you two are just friends," she whispered the last part to me. 

"Nope. Have at it. Like he said we're just friends. Actually I've been think about moving into the other house we were given. Can't stand being that close to my brother." I laughed and then she laughed but mine was more sarcastic. Maybe you can move in to Daryl's room with him." That got him to at look at. His head whipped up so fast I thought he might give himself whiplash. "Maybe, he wouldn't mind showing it to me later." 

"Great! Oh, you two will make such a cute couple!" It was a sarcastic comment but Carrie was so damn thick headed she didn't even realize that it was. "You think so?" I nodded and smiled. I wanted to throw up. "Well, I'm going outside the walls, maybe go looking for some supplies. Maybe just roam around. We'll see. You two kids have fun. Byeeee!" 

I turned around and walked as fast as I could towards the gate. "Well, be careful!" I'm trying so hard to keep the bile from rising into my throat. I was trying not to turn around and put a bullet between that dumb bitches head. Yes! Okay, yes, I'm fucking jealous! She always got what she wanted before the world went to complete shit. Why wouldn't she afterwards too?!

"Open the gate, Eugene!" He looked at me as I made my way towards him. "Why do you want to go out?" He questioned me and it only pissed me off. "Oh fuck sack! I'll do it myself!" And that's what I did. I opened the gate just enough for me to slip out and then let him deal with closing it. Then I started to run. I couldn't be still here if Daryl or Rick comes after me. 

I found a small cabin deep in the woods and decided to just hang there. Of course I checked around for walkers and living people as well. There was a dock that led out to a lake. It was quiet and peaceful. I should have been able to relax and turn my brain off. But I couldn't do that. I only thought about the quarry and then fucking Carrie was back. FUCKING CARRIE! and Daryl telling her we were just friends. Guess it was just a free trial for him to decide if he wanted to be with me. 

"Nice place. You've been gone for a few hours. You okay?" I turned to look at Rick, "I could have shot you," I said. "But you didn't. I saw Carrie. Can't believe she's alive," he said. "Right! Like how the fuck did she even make it?! How the hell did she end up here? She always comes back. She always comes back and ruins my life! She makes my life a living hell and always has to have what I have. Why does she always have to take everything from me?!" 

Tears were streaming down my face, my hands were shaking. "Why can't I find someone that will love me for me. Someone who doesn't want to just use me. Someone who isn't attracted to fucking Carrie. What's wrong with me? It's the fucking apocalypse and my past is still following me." Rick sat down beside me and sighed. "Daryl doesn't like Carrie. He's extremely uncomfortable around her. And he does like you he's just…he's just Daryl. He doesn't do emotions very well.

"It's okay to be in love with someone who needs a little more time to learn how to express that feeling. Give him time, he'll come around. Daryl isn't used to having people who love him and care about him. It's going to take a bit longer. And as for Carrie…maybe we can out her front line when we take care of that quarry." I let out a choked laugh. "Can we just push her into the quarry instead?" Rick slung his arm around my shoulder as we laughed. "This is a pretty great place."