After Before and After

Phase 4: Chapter 2

Jack and Ralph walked out of the large assembly hall hand-in-hand on the night of September 6th, the same night the two year commemoration ceremony at Bainbridge Military Academy was held. After reuniting with the Langley parents in the corridors, they all said their goodbyes to those still at the academy with them hours after the ceremony concluded. Jack held Ralph's hand in his own, the one attached to the arm of his that wasn't in a sling. Jack could still see the sweat glistening in the brunette boy's hair; sweat from the panic attack he endured about an hour earlier now.

Finally, the foursome walked out the doors of Bainbridge Military Academy that night, trickling into the dark parking lot with a few other families making their way to their own cars. Both the Langley family vehicles were here at the academy on account of Jack's last minute decision to attend the ceremony only after Ralph and Jeffery had already left.

"Should we leave in the same cars we came in or how do we want to do this?" Laurie asked Jeffery and the boys.

"I don't wanna leave 'im" Jack said in a small, vulnerable voice that was very un-Jack-like. He gripped Ralph's arm tighter, digging his nails into the wind-chilled flesh of the brunette boy.

"You wanna take 'em or should I?" Jeffery looked to his wife to determine.

"I'd appreciate the time to myself if you're really offering" Laurie answered honestly.

"Alright boys, climb in the truck then" Jeffery nodded at his wife knowingly before addressing the kids.

Ralph was relieved when Jack let go, releasing his arm from the painful grasp, to climb into Jeffery's truck. Ralph helped Jack as he struggled to climb in on account of half his body being practically imobile. Ralph followed in after him, and gently closed the back door behind them.

The bulk of Ralph's energy had been drained from his all-consuming panic attack earlier that night. Minutes after the truck started moving, he was sure that it would only be a few more before he passed out. He rested his head against the glass window, staring out into the darkness. Suddenly, he felt Jack take his hand from his other side. Ralph lifted his head ever so slightly to glance over at Jack, who was sitting close beside him in the middle seat.

"Come 'ere" Jack said gently, lifting his good arm up and behind so Ralph could move in. The brunette smiled and scooted a little closer to Jack, dropping his head down onto the other's shoulder. Even in his tired state, Ralph picked up on the fact that Jack was being especially clingy since their earlier fight that led to his panic attack. But Ralph was too tired to figure out why, at least for tonight.

Once Ralph was settled, the blond used his arm that was around Ralph's shoulder to gently drag his fingers through the boy's sweaty brown hair to comfort him. Naturally, Ralph was out in a matter of minutes; maybe even seconds. Jack continued to play with his hair even after Ralph was asleep. He too was worn out from the draining events of the night. The truth was, Jack was feeling a little on edge after the fight between him and Ralph. In spite of the fact that it had a happy ending, Jack was still worried about what it meant for their relationship. It was beyond him how Ralph managed to keep all those awful things buried inside him for the past year and a half. It made Jack wonder if Ralph was hiding anything else from him that he'd consider important. Of course, Jack too was keeping a world of secrets from the brunette, but that's what Jack did. Ralph wasn't supposed to be the secretive one; the one with the dark feelings buried so deep inside not even he himself could easily find them. That was Jack's job, and it didn't fit into his image of Ralph Langley. The unexpectedness of the boy's earlier outburst scared Jack simply because it made him question whether he really knew Ralph at all.

The uncertainty and the secrecy made Jack feel something he never experienced with Ralph before. He felt worried, threatened even. It felt like their relationship suddenly wasn't as stable and reliable as Jack always believed it was. Ralph came after him back when he ran away, then came crawling back to him after an agonizing forty something days of being separated. The abuse Ralph bore witness to, the differences between them, their values and lifestyles that never quite lined up; none of that had ever made Jack feel uneasy before, even though it probably should have. It wasn't until tonight that Jack really felt like he could lose Ralph, and the unconditional love he believed the boy felt for him. It made Jack clingy and anxious, two emotions he hated feeling because he hated being vulnerable. But he couldn't help but think about the fact that Ralph's anger towards him was as real as his love was. And in Jack's experience, anger usually won.