After Before and After

Phase 4: Chapter 37

Ralph Langley spent an hour and twenty-seven minutes in the shower on Friday night after court. He could hear the mumbling of his parents talking outside the bathroom door, but not well enough to make out any of the actual words. He was tired of hiding, tired of feeling afraid and unwelcome in his own house-- well, the closest thing to his own house that they had right now; the hotel room.

But Ralph couldn't help the nervous-wracking way he felt around and about his parents. It had been almost a week since he got drunk and wandered down the hall to Jack's room practically tripping over his own feet as he did so. It had been even less time since his mother watched him hurl one last time, all over the floor between the Merridew kids' beds. And even less time since Laurie pinned him against the door with the force of her arm and told him how ashamed she was to be his mother.

Deep down, Ralph knew that this wasn't an overly true statement. He knew that most of the time, Laurie really was proud of him. But right now, five days after the spat between them, Ralph wasn't feeling very proud of her or of himself.

After he finally built up the courage to get out of the shower, fingers pruney from all the time in the water, Ralph emerged from the bathroom to find Laurie sitting alone on the king bed. His father was currently nowhere to be found. It was the first time since Sunday morning that him and Laurie were alone.

Ralph was so very tired.

"Mom?" his voice trembled as he spoke.

"Hm?" she responded dismissively, her gaze still focused down on the open book in her hands.

"Can we talk?" Ralph asked nervously, in spite of how discouraged he was feeling.

"What about?" Laurie asked quietly as she finally glanced up to look at him.

"The elephant" Ralph answered like it were obvious, which it was.

Laurie sighed as she folded her book over the bookmark, then looked back up at her son.

"Something's happening with Jack" Ralph said, to his mother's surprise. "I didn't know what it was, but it was going on before the trial, like way before the trial. A month, at least. I tried to talk to him lots of times but he kept shutting down. He was really jumpy and agitated all the time. He freaked when I touched him half the time. One time he startled so badly he pushed me into the kitchen counter. I fell and I had a really bad bruise--"

"Is that what that was? That bruise on your waist? You said that happened in the fitness center at school" Laurie worriedly interjected.

"I-I know... I was barely even going to school at that point" Ralph pointed out. "I'm sorry I lied, I was just scared that you would get mad at Jack."

"Honey--"

"Mom, please let me finish" Ralph cut her off.

Laurie nodded once and gestured for him to continue.

"When the trial started, it was really hard for me because Jack and I couldn't legally be around each other anymore. But knowing something was wrong and he wasn't talking to me about it even before made it a lot harder to sit in the courtroom everyday, trying not to look at him, wondering if he was trying not to look at me. I ran into him in the big washroom in the hallway one night. He was a total mess, trying to cover up some bruise Evan gave 'im before he left. I ran into Jack more than once actually, and he would talk to me like we were still us until he remembered that we weren't anymore. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that this trial has been really hard on me with all its dredging up, and even more so because Jack's been shutting me out and won't tell me the real reason why. I was so upset that night... last weekend. I missed Jack, and I missed home, and I just didn't feel like I could handle it on my own anymore. So when I found the alcohol in the fridge, I figured it would help me carry the weight of it all. I know it was stupid, and a very dangerous, temporary fix... but I felt so weak and alone and... I didn't know I'd lose control like that. I didn't think it'd impair my judgment enough to make me end up in Jack's room like that. I know I never should've put him in that position, and now I get how dangerous drinking really is. And I'm sorry. I promise you that no matter how bad things get, I won't ever see drinking or any impairing substance as a solution to feeling overwhelmed ever again" Ralph explained as his voice wobbled both with anxiety and with sadness.

"Oh honey" Laurie sighed as she stretched an arm out to the boy across from her. Ralph shuffled over into her arms as tears of relief flowed down his face. "I'm so sorry we didn't see how much all this was affecting you" she whispered gently as she ran a hand through his wet hair.

"Is'okay" Ralph whispered with a sniffle.

"And I'm sorry for treating you the way I did on Sunday" she finally said, "I should not have had that conversation with you when I was that angry. That wasn't helpful or fair. I'm glad you recognize how dangerous alcohol can be, that's the reason why you can't drink before you're twenty-one. You're not old enough to make good choices around it."

"I know" Ralph mumbled as he cried. "I'm sorry."

"I know, baby, I forgive you. And I hope you'll forgive me for how I behaved too. I never want to be a parent you feel afraid of, okay? Even when you mess up, you can always always come to us. I know I didn't make you feel that way last weekend, and that's on me. I'm just not used to you doing things like this, I've never had to punish you like that before. And that's not your fault, Ralph, okay? That's on me. Can we both agree to do better going forward?" she whispered softly to him. Ralph simply nodded against her chest as he succumbed to all the emotions he'd been bottling up over the last several days.

"I don't want us to be like Jack's family" Ralph cried as he squeezed his arms around his mom tightly.

"I won't ever let that happen, you hear me? You are safe, you are loved, and no matter what happens, your dad and I are always on your side, m'kay?"

"Kay" Ralph mumbled as he buried his head into the crook of his mother's chest.

The two sat like that, Laurie holding and rocking her not-so-little boy like he was still little, to the tune of the very quiet TV in the background. After just under ten minutes, Ralph lifted his head to wipe his face.

"Mom?" he murmured messily.

"What is it?" she whispered caringly.

"I know what's been going on with Jack now... he loves somebody else" Ralph confessed.

About an hour later, Jeffery Langley returned from the fitness gym down on the first floor to find his wife and son asleep on the king bed. Used tissues were scattered around them, the TV was playing very quietly, the bedside lamp still on. Laurie held Ralph close to her, both their faces flushed and stained with tear streaks. Whatever Jeffery missed, he was certain it was a good thing, tissues and tears aside. He quietly cleaned up the mess around them before turning off the light and TV. Jeffery very quietly crawled into bed beside them, relieved that they wouldn't be bringing the tension home with them for Christmas.