After Before and After

Phase 4: Chapter 44

It wasn't Christmas in the Langley house without the belting laughter of Grandpa Ben and the excessive baking of Grammy Diana. Ralph loved the smell of her fresh-baked gingerbread cookies. Ever since he was a toddler, he would spend half of Christmas day decorating what felt like a hundred cookies. Ralph did pretty well in art class, and he credited it all to Grammy Diana for the many years of annual cookie decorating lessons. The two sat at the table and put button eyes on gingerbread men to the tune of Jingle Bells and Grandpa Ben's half-drunken laughter.

Among the Langley family's holiday guests was Braxton Carson, Jeffery's mentor and former high school teacher. He usually only came to the house for a couple hours at the most, given that he had his own family Christmas celebration to attend. Sometimes, Ralph sat with Braxton and Jeffery and listened to them talk about life. Ralph realized just how much of his father's values and morals came from his former teacher. Ralph wondered if he'd even be here right now if Jeffery hadn't met Braxton when he was barely older than Ralph was now.

This year, the Langley house was filled with the sounds of laughter and the smells of baked goods as it usually was. After decorating cookies with his grandmother until his fingers cramped up, Ralph sat down next to his father who was at the tail end of a weighty conversation with his mentor.

"I wouldn't worry too much about any of that with your Ralph" Braxton assured the boy's father. "He's got a good head on his shoulders, don't ya, Ralph?" he turned to the boy to confirm.

"I'd like to think so" Ralph smiled warmly at Braxton as Jeffery squeezed his arm around the boy.

"I more than think so" Jeffery countered knowingly. "This is the smartest kid I know right here" he added, earning a gentle laugh from his son.

"Okay Dad, you're embarrassing me" he awkwardly laughed a little as he spoke.

"Alright alright" Jeffery took his arm back from behind the boy's shoulder. "I gotta make a quick call, I'll be back in a few" he insisted as he rose from his spot on the couch, leaving Ralph and Braxton in the living room while the former's grandparents and mother tackled the task of cleaning the kitchen.

"Do you think my dad would've turned out okay if he didn't have you when was my age?" Ralph found himself asking his father's mentor.

Ralph was prompted to pose the question after recalling the day he went to see Jack in the hospital this past summer before the commemoration ceremony. After being told to go back to the waiting room by his father, Ralph instead stood just outside Jack's hospital room door and listened to the conversation Jeffery had with the boy. Ralph was surprised to learn that Jeffery endured abuse, like Jack, back when he was in foster care. Jeffery told Ralph very little about his childhood, and conveniently left out the part about the abuse. He told Jack, but never told Ralph even after the latter overheard it. Ralph wondered why his father decided not to share any of that with him, but to share it with Jack first.

Presently, Ralph wondered how much alike fifteen-year-old Jeffery and fifteen-year-old Jack really were. Jeffery met Braxton at the very age that Jack is now. That was when his father's life turned around for the better. Ralph concluded that being screwed for the first fifteen years of one's life didn't have to be a write-off, but it very well could be if things didn't get better. Braxton Carson was the only person Ralph knew to be wiser than his own father, so who better to ask about that kind of fate than him.

"Well" Braxton sighed heavily as he took in the sight of Jeffery's fourteen-year-old son. "I'm not sure where he would've ended up. But that doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't have been okay. Your dad's a good man, and he was a good boy at heart back in the day too. He wanted to do better even though he never had better. He made that for 'imself. I like to think, Ralph, that your father would've found his way with or without me."

"Even if he didn't have any help? Is it possible for kids who get messed up like that to make it without love and support? I mean, how do they know they can do better if none of the grown-ups around them believe in them?" Ralph anxiously suggested.

"This world is full of people who are willing to believe in us, Ralph. You just gotta find 'em if you don't grow up with 'em" Braxton insisted.

"And if you don't find them? Or if you lose them?" Ralph proposed.

"Well then, I really can't say for sure" the elder man sighed with a conflicted, heavy heart. "Why do you ask, kid? Sounds like you're looking for some pretty specific answers."

Ralph sat with the insinuation for a quiet moment as he listened to the background chatter of his mother and grandparents and the clinking of pots and pans several feet behind them in the kitchen.

"Do you know my dad was abused in foster care?" Ralph broke the heavy silence to ask.

"Yes, I do" Braxton answered. "I didn't think you knew that though" he added curiously.

"I'm not supposed to" Ralph confirmed. "So when you met my dad, did he believe in himself at all? Did he really know that he deserved better?"

"Deep down, I think he did know. But he had a hard time believing it. He was young as you are, and he didn't have a dad like yours to show 'im the love and the life he deserved" Braxton thought aloud.

"But you showed him" Ralph pointed out.

"In time, yes" the man agreed, "but it didn't happen overnight. He needed people who weren't coming in and out of his life like it was a revolving door. That's hard to find growing up in foster care. He could've used a friend like you, and a dad like yours."

"You were both of those things for him" Ralph noted. "He turned out okay because he had you."

"He turned out okay because he believed that he could turn out okay" Braxton gently countered. "And yes, I helped him to see that. But he had to believe in himself too."

"It seems like he healed from the abuse" Ralph noticed aloud. "Would he have been able to do that on his own?"

"Maybe, maybe not" Braxton considered. "But I'm glad he didn't have to. And now he's got Laurie and you, and a life full of people who care about him. We all deserve that, Ralph. And you're very lucky that you've always had it."

"Yeah" Ralph nodded sadly, "I know I am."

"Something buggin' you, kid?" Braxton pried.

"A lot of things" Ralph answered honestly. "But I should be grateful. You're right. I am lucky that I have the life that I do."

"Oh now, that's not how it works" Braxton scoffed knowingly. "Having love in your life doesn't shield you from the cruelty of this world. It just gives you a safe place to go and heal from it. You went through a serious hardship out on that island, my boy. And I know you've struggled over the last couple years. Being lucky doesn't mean you don't have struggles, it just means you have the support and the tools you need to deal with them."

"What happens to people who don't have what they need to deal with them?" Ralph anxiously asked.

"They find other ways to cope, often harmful ones. That's why people turn to things like drugs and alcohol and end up on the streets, cause they didn't have the tools and the crew they needed aboard their ship to weather the storm" Braxton wisely shared.

"You two gossiping about me?" Jeffery joked as he re-entered the living room from the hallway.

"All good things" Braxton assured the man, "your boy has a world of good things to say about you."

Jeffery stood beside Ralph and comfortingly patted him on the shoulder. "Proud to hear it."

"Is everything okay?" Ralph asked his father, staring at him urgently and intently.

"Everything's fine, Ralph" Jeffery assured him, but Ralph wasn't so sure it would stay that way.