After Before and After

Phase 4: Chapter 57

Ralph Langley had never been so relieved to watch the clock come close to striking 1700 hours. After court was adjourned, Zoey asked the Langley family to join her in a deliberation room for a quick debrief. It turned out that Zoey just wanted to make sure Ralph was holding up okay after the unexpected day in court, and to assure him that she will notify them in advance next time the evidence centers on him.

The Langley family thanked Zoey for her continued dedication to their case before leaving court behind for the weekend, and not a moment too soon. They originally planned to go out to eat, but all three agreed they were much to drained to go sit in a restaurant. Instead, they called that same restaurant and placed a takeout order, which Jeffery went to pick up about an hour after they arrived back at the hotel room.

Ralph, Jeffery, and Laurie all squished together in the big king bed and jumped back and forth between two different movies that were playing on two different channels, contingent on commercial breaks. They ate and talked and laughed, and said nothing about the trial or anything related to it. Eventually, Laurie fell asleep before either movie ended, which was rather typical of her. Jeffery climbed out of bed so Ralph, who was stuck in the middle, could climb out after him.

"We'll have to bring these empty takeout bags and boxes down to the garbage bin out back behind the hotel tomorrow" Jeffery noted with a sigh as he stared at the mess left beside the bed.

"I can take it out now" Ralph offered.

"You sure? It can wait til tomorrow, kiddo."

"Yeah, I'm sure. I don't mind, really" Ralph continued to insist as he gathered the garbage in his hands.

"Alright then" Jeffery surrendered as he opened their hotel room door for his full-handed son.

Ralph slowly walked down the hallway, struggling to see over the pile of cardboard boxes and bags in his hands. He pressed the elevator button with his elbow and was relieved nobody was inside.

The truth was that Ralph offered to take the garbage out so he could have a moment to think about the day without the presence of his parents. He was grateful for the distraction they provided him with prior to this moment, but Ralph needed to think things through before the sun went all the way down. Today was the first day of the trial that really shook him up to a point where he felt incapable of simply sitting through it. He felt like every last person in the room was negatively judging him, thinking about how he deserved what he was getting with this trial. The logical part of his brain knew that nobody was as hyperfocused on him as he believed, but it was hard to convince the other half of his brain of that fact. Hearing his own voice from a time that felt like yesterday and a decade ago all at once was a disturbing experience. It made him realize just how much older and wiser he was now, and how much two years had really aged him.

And while older he certainly was, he wasn't better. At least, he didn't feel better. It felt to Ralph like he was aging, but not maturing. He knew he was two years older, but he didn't feel like he'd gone through two years of healing. His broken heart, the one that hurt for Simon and Piggy and the person he was before he watched them die, still felt numb and sad as the day he was rescued. Ralph never did much for his own healing beyond simply letting time form scabs over the open wounds. He refused to speak with a therapist or even his parents about what happened on the island, nor did he do anything like journaling or even seeking out a much needed PTSD diagnosis from a doctor. Instead, he spent the last two years letting his relationship with Jack serve as a distraction from their unpleasant past. He turned to kissing and touching Jack when memories of the island crept up on him, or blocking out reminders of the island by recalling the last time his lips connected with the blond boy's. If the world tried to remind him of what came of Jack out on the island, Ralph would counter with the state of their relationship as it was at the time. Ralph filled every island shaped hole in his memory with new ones of him and Jack, a form of avoidance that worked almost too well over the last two years.