After Before and After

Conclusion: Chapter 23

The moist March humidity reminded him of the year before. The attic was humid even in January, and he recalled his t-shirt sticking to his arms as he sifted through boxes of paperwork in search of Paige's certificates. Instead, he found an old photograph that provided a snapshot of what his life was supposed to look like, what it could've looked like.

He kept it like a souvenir from a place he'd never been, a future that never came. The longer he stared at it, the angrier he got. The end of a disfigured paperclip ripped scratches into the smiling face of the man who hadn't smiled at him since.

For weeks, he continued to stare at the photograph. And he was still angry. Possibly angrier than before. The blade from a razor he stole from his sister's bathroom pressed into his white palm. Blood, and a smear over the scratched, smiling face of the man who hadn't smiled at him since.

And more weeks went by, and he continued to stare at the photograph. Angrier than before. Scratches and blood were meaningless gestures, and they failed to hide the smile that made him angry, angrier. It was over. The final custody hearing made it official.

Unless.

The latest edition of a state-wide phone and address book could be the answer. A call to a woman who came back for them not once but twice now. A few secret trips to Vine City, Georgia and hopefully an explanation. It was only the beginning.

And in the end, they could pick up where his distastefully altered photograph left off.

When he first showed up on Rebecka's doorstep, Jack Merridew thought that would be it. But as it turned out, there was a lot he didn't know about Rebecka and Evan's relationship. It was a long story, one that took several hours over several weeks of visits for Rebecka to tell. It was so much deeper and so much worse than Jack thought it could've been, but that failed to deter him from getting to the end; smiling faces resembling the ones in the photo he kept stored in his underwear drawer.

"I cheated on him, Jack" Rebecka confessed in September of '94, during one of their last visits before Ralph showed up and Paige banned him from seeing Rebecka until he turned eighteen. "Our marriage was falling apart months before the offer to relocate to Europe came along. Your father... he was devastated. He couldn't forgive me. And to be honest, I probably didn't do enough to try and make amends and earn back his trust. I was tired, I was working full time in the office and close to full time after hours. I didn't have time for marriage counseling or sex every weekend, conditions your father wanted me to meet in order for us to try and heal our relationship. We did try, Jacky, just not hard enough. I couldn't give him what he wanted, and it turned out that he wasn't what I wanted either. So when the offer to relocate came along, I thought it could be a fresh start for us. But Evan didn't want to uproot himself and Paige. I guess they had friends and lives and everything here he didn't want to leave behind, even if it would've saved our marriage. He decided that he valued Paige's life here more than he valued me, and that's when I knew it was over. He couldn't forgive me for my infidelity, Jack. And I can't say I blame him. It was hard back then; two little kids, conflicting work schedules, no time for each other. So yes, when a co-worker of mine expressed his interest in me, I was weak and I felt alone, and I made a bad decision. It only happened a few times, and I made it clear to that man that it was only physical, that I still loved my husband. But Evan found out one night when he surprised me by picking me up at the office for an impromptu date. My blouse was done up the wrong way, and my lipstick was smeared when I practically ran into him on my way out of the other man's office. Jack, I don't want you to think less of me, but I wanted you to know the truth now that you're old enough to understand. I did love your father, and I did want to work it out, but we couldn't meet each other halfway after the affair. So I left the U.S. without him. Without you."