After Before and After

Phase 4: Chapter 62

CONTENT WARNING: brief mention of suicide

January 29, 1993. 9:18 AM.

Jack Merridew was in no way looking forward to court on Friday morning, even more so than usual. In spite of the fact that today marked the start of the weekend, all the blond boy could think about was how quickly the trial seemed to be progressing. Yesterday, Flag State prosecutor Andrew Murray finished his presentation of the interviews conducted after the rescue in 1991 in relation to the Bennety case. Agent Kent Witherspoon, one of the two interviewers for subjects 0001 through 0004 A.K.A Sam, Eric, Luke, and Peter, testified to the last of the recorded interviews on Thursday. Brett Winslow so kindly informed Jack that Dana Barnes was returning to center stage for the introduction of the key character witnesses she had lined up to make her case against each one of the boys.

First on the defendants roster was Luke Armstrong, one of the older boys who very quickly and willingly betrayed Ralph for the way of the hunters out on the island. Luke was a former classmate of Ralph's, a quiet, reserved but rebellious boy who was quick to react and defy his teachers at the academy. Jack was certain that Luke joined him and the hunters simply because the adults in his life would've disapproved. He was never an aggressive or violent kid by any means, but it was clear he was over being told what to do long before it was developmentally appropriate. Jack knew all this about the former hunter, and he was hoping that Dana Barnes didn't know it too. Although, he wasn't all that optimistic considering what she was able to dredge up on Larry.

That Friday in late January, a few more teachers from Bainbridge Military Academy, former and current, testified about having Luke in their class over the years. Luke started at the academy right from kindergarten, and so the number of teachers who could speak to his defiance was essentially limitless. Although, the three Barnes introduced today did a well enough job of the task, in spite of Reynolds' best efforts to combat it in his cross-examinations. The fourth and final witness that day was one of the academy's training instructors for Unit 8 who spoke to a number of times Luke's defiant behavior was disruptive to the squad's military training. Barnes' carefully worded questions served their purpose of painting Luke in harsh light, dramatizing his disinterested and dismissive behavior to the fullest extent possible.

Court was adjourned at exactly five PM on the dot that late afternoon. Jack was itching to get out of there as quickly as possible. Despite the fact that there were seventeen boys ahead of him on the roster, each minute in the courthouse felt like a reminder that Jack's turn in the spotlight was creeping up on him. And the end of each day meant that he was another day closer to losing what was left of his freedom.

Jack had a hard enough time as it was being off the island and back in civilization. Before the island, he never knew any differently. Five months later, it felt like being shoved back into a box after spending months running freely on the coast of a beautiful, sandy beach. Had he never left the box, he couldn't have possibly missed the beach. But he did leave, and he did miss it. The box being Evan's custody, the beach being the island, of course. And just when he was starting to feel like that box couldn't get any smaller, the trial happened. Jack knew that his life in Savannah was the next step toward complete loss of freedom, with the final destination being lock-up in juvenile detention or the kind of psych ward Roger was forced into shortly after the rescue and the Flag State interviews. Jack was already going insane as it was. He knew that he'd never be able to handle the next and final step.

His life would no longer belong to him. He was in no rush to get to the end of this trial.

Jack was by no means a depressed person, and never had been even considering his upbringing. But that, he was starting to realize, was because he always found some way to take control over something in his life. Whether that be by antagonizing Evan, stealing neighbors' cars, deliberately ignoring curfew at the academy, heading up a murderous tribe on the island, dating Ralph Langley, running away, or working with Roger to manipulate the course of the trial, Jack always found a way to control something. He especially resorted to acts of this nature in moments when he felt like he was lacking or losing control, such as being the family nuisance, being denied the chance to go to a concert, being held to a 2100 hour curfew, being nagged at by Ralph on the island, being forced back into civilization against his will, his mother showing up after twelve years, and having his fate tossed into the hands of twelve complete strangers who would judge him on his track record of poor behavior.

But now, for the first time in his life, Jack had no way to take back control. Losing the trial would mean losing everything. There would be no more tactics to get what he wanted, no more opportunities to change how the system worked, no more rebelling when things weren't going his way. His life would be scripted down to the the last second of everyday. He wouldn't have control over what he wore, what he ate, what he watched on TV, when he slept, where he lived, nothing. The only way to earn privileges of any kind would be to follow the rules to a T for a very long time, according to Roger. The other only got out of twenty-four hour psych watch by playing by the rules, he said, but Jack didn't think he had it in him even if the end would justify the means. Roger was far more patient and strong-headed than Jack was, hence better at faking it. Jack would never be able to stick to the script for more than a few days when the newness of it all would start to wear off. After that...

Well, he couldn't even bring himself to think about that. And after seeing what Barnes did to a far more sweet and innocent boy like Larry, Jack was starting to see that he really didn't stand a chance.

The only viable solution to get out of lock-up for life would be to not make it to lock-up at all. Prior to the trial, Jack was probably the last of the twenty-two boys who would ever think of suicide. He was the most confident and brave of them all, the island proved. But in the real world, there were consequences, ones Jack wasn't prepared to face. Surely, the others were far more capable of facing said consequences with all the intense restrictions. If Jack couldn't even last five months under Ralph's leadership on the island, no chance he'd last the rest of his life or even the rest of his youth under lock and key.

Jack considered what he'd have to do to get out of it if it really did come down to that. He could rob Evan of a whole lot of money, buy a plane ticket to some lesser known place, and disappear. Although, that'd probably be harder to do than it appeared to be in the movies. Serving the time simply wasn't an option, whether Jack believed he deserved it or not, and he was far less afraid of dying than he was of being incarcerated. He'd seen it on TV a thousand times; criminal suspects being cornered by police and choosing suicide by cop over going back to jail. It wasn't that Jack wanted to die, he definitely didn't, but he knew it could come down to picking his poison. He didn't want to think about how he would do it, that made his chest hurt a little too much. Surely, once his fate was closer to sealed, he'd be brave enough to make the decision. Having only been mentioned briefly in the trial at this point, it was still a troubling and daunting thought Jack deliberately tried not to overthink about.

Once Jack and Paige arrived back at their hotel room, the latter announced that she was going to have dinner with Evan that night. Jack boredly dismissed the uninteresting piece of information as he turned on his video game console. The game he was currently entranced by was an especially violent one with an 18+ rating, though no one in the Merridew family cared enough to pay any mind. The game and all its shooting and stabbing was Jack's escape into the world he was forced to leave behind. In the game, there were no laws to tell him he couldn't kill whoever got in his way, no adults to keep the weapons out of his reach, no enemy bigger or stronger than him, no establishment of order to make winning unnecessarily difficult. Jack would sit and play it for hours on end. His sister simply chalked it up to a typical teenage video game addiction. But it wasn't the video or even the game that Jack was addicted to, but the world in which the game took place.

If Jack had it his way, he wouldn't have to sit in front of a screen with a controller to play it. He'd live it in real time, and embody the character he played on screen. Although, Jack knew better than to tell anyone that, even Paige. The last thing he needed was to give the rest of the world another reason to lock him up and throw away the key.

Even if that was how it was going to end, Jack had never been the type to go down without a fight.