✓ LOVE TRIAL | HEESEUNG

17 - Huge Trouser Snake

Heeseung's POV

I've always been a competitive person. Watch me prove everyone wrong even if it means lying to myself, and Y/N is no exception. I can't use the elevator? She's right, but I'm not letting her think that I'm indeed scared of them.

The two of us get inside and I feel my heart drop when the doors close. Just for 7 floors, I tell myself. I can do it.

"Are you okay?" I hear Y/N ask but I don't say anything, I'm trying not to think about how anxious I feel inside this fucking small place. My heart is racing inside my chest and I feel sweat drip down my forehead. I can do it. "We can-"

Her hand rests on my back and I tense, widening my eyes when the elevator stops and people walk inside. No. No, no, no. I turn to her, stepping to the corner of the elevator to avoid whoever's greeting me. Even though I don't look into her eyes because I know she can read me like an open book if I'm acting like this. My mind is racing with thoughts of the dark, suffocating basement where my father used to lock me up. The memories flood back, and I feel myself slipping into a panic attack. My breathing becomes shallow and quick, and my palms are slick with sweat. Please-

But then I feel Y/N's warm hand slip into mine, and I look down to see her kind eyes looking up at me. She rests her head on my chest and her thumb strokes the back of my hand, making me calm down a little. "It's okay," She says, and it's as if her touch and words have the power to banish my fears and anxieties. I close my eyes and we stay like this until the elevator stops, the doors open, and the employees walk out. "Let's go."

Her voice snaps me out of my trance and I'm suddenly out of the elevator, holding hands with Y/N while walking to my office. It takes me a second to realize what's happening around me and so I pull away my hand and look away, rushing to the office to take my medicine. The door swings open while I run to my desk, my heart pounding and my mind screaming at me to act fast and avoid another full blown-episode.

"Heeseung-" I hear her call my name but I'm busy fumbling with the drawers, looking for where the fuck I put the pills. I feel the panic rising in my chest while I rifle through piles of papers and scattered pens, my fingers trembling. And when I spot the bottle in the corner of the bottom drawer, my heart drops. I don't even know how I ended up sitting on the ground, my back against the wall as she gets down on her knees and looks at me with her worried eyes. "Are you... okay?" Her voice feels like a warm blanket wrapped around my shivering body, but because I need more, I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer.

I've never felt this kind of... feeling before. At this very moment, instead of wanting to fuck her like I did all this time, I'm drawn to her warmth and gentle voice, and soft smile. And she's close to me, her hair as black as a raven's wing, her scent so familiar and comforting. It makes me want her, in a different, deeper way.

"I'm sorry." I hear myself say while she pulls away to look at me, the same bittersweet smile on her face. "I just-"

"It's okay, you don't have to explain anything." She shakes her head and sits next to me, patting my back. It's unreal how she can see how vulnerable I am yet she doesn't hesitate on helping me. This is strange. This is not real. "I'm scared of empty swimming pools, it's funny, right? But it's also terrifying and it makes me feel so helpless." I stare at her as she shakes her head in disbelief and I reach my hand to her cheek. She's taken off guard for a moment but then she leans against the palm of my hand and holds it, muttering a 'you're welcome'.

We silently sit there for a couple of minutes, closing our eyes while holding hands. It hits me that I've never felt this relaxed in the past decade of my life, yet when Y/N wraps her arms around me or holds my hand, my whole world calms down and I'm at peace.

"Are we going to work together from now on?" I look at her when she asks and she has this excited look on her face. I'm somehow happy I could make her feel this way. "I should buy new clothes for work. I can't go around with this on." She has no idea how much I love her style and the way she makes literally anything look good, but she's right, if she's my assistant then people will expect her to dress professionally.

"Let's go shopping over the weekend." I blurt out. It's not like I don't want to, I'd do whatever to spend more time with her. She's attracting me in a way no one else could and I can't deny the way my heart flutters every time she smiles at me, even if it's scaring me. Because when was I ever open to feeling these kinds of feelings and having my heart skip a beat like a high school lover?

She looks a little bit surprised but her smile widens. "Yes, that sounds nice. But wouldn't people recognize you?" Her smile falters and my jaw clenches.

For the past week, some fucking dumb paparazzi were following us wherever we went. I'm used to it, I don't care, but Y/N seemed uncomfortable and when pictures of the two of us were all over the Internet, I knew she wasn't happy with it even though she didn't say anything.

My life was never an easy one and I doubt it will ever be. Whenever I find the start of the rope of my happiness, it's pulled away harshly and I'm left with that crushed hope that vanishes away and turns into a wave of never-ending anger. It's a cycle that seems to repeat itself endlessly, no matter how hard I try to break free from it, and I fear that if I keep walking into Y/N's life, I might be setting myself up for yet another round of disappointment and heartbreak. But then again, there's something about her that draws me in, something that makes me want to take a chance, even if it means risking more pain and disappointment.

"What's your MBTI?" She asks out of nowhere and I look at her in confusion. "Heeseung, don't tell me you don't know what an MBTI is... for real? What about the meaning of your name- wait, let's look it up." My name is one of the things I hate about myself because apparently, my father was the one who chose it. 

"I don't like-"

"Heeseung is a very attractive, sweet guy. He's always fun to be around. His charisma will pull you in and never let you go. Don't let your guard down, might just..." She stops, tilts her head to look at me, and then looks back at her phone. "...fall madly in love with him if you do."

The way she scrolls down and smiles makes it seem as if I have the best name in the whole world. And suddenly, I like it. I'm reminded of every time she called me by my name, even when she was angry or annoyed. But suddenly she's laughing her ass off and hitting my arm as if she just found out the most hilarious joke ever. "What?" Surprisingly, I'm content hearing her laugh.

"Heeseung makes all the girls collapse because-" She says through her laugh then shows me what she finds so funny that she's out of breath.

"Huge trouser snake?" I scoff. "You can't be serious."

When she doesn't stop laughing, I feel compelled to take out my phone to look up her name. I'm sure there is something about her that would stop her from laughing like a madwoman. However, it seems that people love her name. "Y/N is pretty and she knows it. She is very active and funny but can get too much sometimes. She can also be a little bit bossy, stubborn, and arrogant." I read and she turns to me with a raised eyebrow. "It's true."

"I'm not arrogant."

"You're pretty," I say with a smile and she lets out a mock gasp. "And you know it." Her cheeks flush slightly, and she playfully nudges my shoulder before I hold her chin and make her look at me. "Can I kiss you?" I wait for her response, feeling as though time has stood still. I can hear the sound of my own heartbeat echoing in my ears, then without a word, she leans in and presses her lips to mine.

The kiss is soft at first, tentative as if we're both unsure of what this means. We kissed and made out and fucked, but this kiss feels different. It deepens and I can feel Y/N's body respond to mine, her hands running through my hair as she pulls me closer.

The papers and documents on my desk can wait, and the rest of the world can fade away for all I care. At this moment, all that matters is Y/N and the way she smiles against my lips.