✓ LOVE TRIAL | HEESEUNG

28 - Where's My Love

Heeseung's POV

"Sorry, I took a while." Y/N's mother walks to me with a cup of tea in her hand. "I thought this would make you relax." I see my mother in her. She's got her eyes, that soft motherly look that makes me want to just hug her and close my eyes. To feel the warmth that was taken away from me when my mother passed away.

"Thank you. I appreciate it." I take the cup from her, the warm steam and comforting aroma immediately making me feel more at ease. We're sitting in the living room while Y/N packs her things. We figured she should stay at my place for some time while we complete the marriage process.

"I'm sorry for your loss." I hear her say and her words hit me harder than I expected. I didn't have enough time to mourn for Herlbert, and now, with Y/N's mother's sympathy, it all comes rushing back. His passing still feels unreal.

I take a moment to compose myself, trying to find the right words to respond to. "It's kind of you to say that."

"Grief can be a heavy burden to bear. You don't have to rush through it. Take all the time you need to mourn and heal." Her words are true, but they remind me that I never really mourned my mother's death enough, or healed completely from that loss. It's always been there, lingering in the corners of my heart. "Y/N talked to me about your marriage." She says and I look at her, noticing the ghost of a smile that crosses her face. "I always dreamt about when she gets married, but the moment it happens, it's a fake one."

Guilt rushes through me as she looks at me with sad eyes. I feel torn. I know that this marriage is based on ulterior motives, and the guilt of using her for my own gain weighs heavily on me. But I genuinely care for her and want to make her happy, although the fear of losing myself again makes me fucking terrified.

I take a sip of the tea and let out a sigh. "I'm sorry it's not the kind of marriage you wished for her, but I promise to make her happy." I will. Nothing will have the fucking power to make me break that promise. I will protect that smile of hers even if it's the last thing I'll do. It's a promise I made even before I knew how fucked up I was.

I've seen and lived through the darkness that can take over a person's life and I refuse to let that happen to her. She has the most beautiful smile that can light up a room, and I won't let anything take that away from her. I'm not perfect, far from it, but I'll do my best for her. I know how fragile her smile is, how easily it can be taken away by the darkness that seems to follow me everywhere. I have a lot to make up for, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things right.

If it means being her hero, then I'll be it. And if it means being the villain to the rest of the world, then I'll wear that title with pride.

"Y/N loves you." Ms. Baek says before she stands up and walks to Y/N's room, leaving me there, my jaw tight and those three words weighing heavily on my heart. I had never allowed myself to hope for something like this, never dared to believe that someone could love me so completely. And I never thought I could feel this way about anyone, let alone someone who deserves so much better than me. I can feel the cold surface I've surrounded my heart with begin to crack, just waiting to shatter into a million tiny pieces. And I know that when it finally hits the ground, it would be the end of everything I've ever been scared of.

I watch as she gets out of her room, holding a bag in her hand as she glances at me. She's beautiful, she's kind, she's mesmerizing, and she loves me. I take a deep breath and step towards her, holding out my hand. She looks up at me with those big, beautiful brown eyes, and I can see the hesitation and fear and hope all tangled up inside of them. I can feel my heart racing when I take her hand in mine, hoping that my touch will bring her comfort and safety. She looks so fragile, so delicate, like a porcelain doll that could shatter at any moment. And yet, she's also the strongest person I've ever known, the one who has seen me at my worst and still chooses to be there for me.

"It seems that the love is mutual, after all." Her mother's voice makes me turn to look at her as she smiles bitterly at us. The same smile never leaves her face when we make our way out of the house and to the car, and when I get inside, Y/N by my side, I lean against the seat and close my eyes.

"I'm sorry for everything I've put you through." I break the silence while she keeps looking out of the window.

"It's okay." She mutters, but it's not okay, not really. I pushed her away, made her doubt everything that happened between us, and ended up hurting her. And yet, here she is, still by my side, still wanting me despite all of my flaws and mistakes.

I want to say something, anything, but I don't know where to start. So we just drive in silence, the only sound being the soft hum of the engine. I steal glances at her, taking in every detail of her delicate features, her hair falling over her shoulders and the way her eyes sparkle in the sunlight. Until we arrive at my place, and when we both make our way inside, my heart starts racing. My mind is full of thoughts about what I want to tell her, what I want to do to her, and how I want to make her feel. She turns to me, her eyes glistening, and I just stand there, watching while she reaches for my hand, holding it so gently. I've never been held this gently.

"I love you, Heeseung." Time stops. My heart leaps in my chest at her words. I know I need to say something, anything to show her how much she means to me, how much I want her. But I'm afraid that if I speak, the moment will end, and everything will bring me back to when I was kneeling on the ground, begging her to stay with me. As much as I try to push the memory out of my mind, it keeps resurfacing. It keeps haunting me, reminding me of how much I had poured my heart out, yet she took all of it and walked away, leaving me begging on the floor, broken, shattered.

"Y/N," I say her name, closing my eyes as I start to breathe heavily. The fear of history repeating itself claws at my heart, making it hard for me to find the courage to move forward. "You shouldn't-"

"Well, I'm in love with you! That's it, I can't go back and stop myself from falling for you." Tears well up in her eyes and she throws her hands in the air. "And I don't want to go back, Heeseung. I want to be with you, despite everything that's happened between us. Because I know you love me too. But you're a coward. You can't bear the thought of facing your fears, so you run away from them. You can't keep running away forever, Heeseung."

I clench my jaw, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. I know she can tell that I'm tense from the way she looks at me, and the air around us thickens with tension. My heart races faster as her words hit me like a freight train. "You're right." And before she knows it, I'm kissing her. She cups my face, her hands warm against my skin, making the icy wall I put around my heart collapse and disappear like it was never there. Our lips move together in perfect harmony, and the world falls away. All that exists is her and me, together in this moment. My hands are holding her waist while our bodies press against each other.

I can't deny the way my heart races every time I'm around her. I can't ignore the way my body yearns for her touch. And I can't resist the way she makes me feel alive again. Fuck it, I can't deny that I love her.