✓ LOVE TRIAL | HEESEUNG

45 - I See It All Now

Y/N's POV

I spent the past few days locked in my room, the blanket over my body not able to provide the warmth I desperately wish for. Time seems to stand still as I gaze at the world through my window, my eyes tracing the distant horizon. It carries on with its usual rhythm, laughter drifting in from a distance, mingling with the sound of passing cars and chirping birds. But in my room, I'm trapped.

Heeseung had been calling and texting but I had been unable to bring myself to answer. Although I miss him so much I find myself overwhelmed with emptiness, I don't think I'm ready to face anyone, actually. The thought of trusting someone is disturbed by the thought of them deceiving me, and I find myself questioning if this pain is worth the risk.

He said he wanted to protect me. Mom said she wanted to protect me. But all they did was make me feel suffocated as if I were a fragile bird trapped in a cage.

Sighing, I stand up from my bed and walk out of my room when I stop in front of the mirror. The woman looking back at me is weak, vulnerable, and uncertain. I see a face worn with exhaustion with dark circles and puffy eyes. My hair looks weird now that it's short, and I absentmindedly run my fingers through it, trying to tame the wild strands. Please don't make me regret cutting it in a fit of frustration. Please don't make me feel any more trapped than I already do.

The house is filled with silence and I find myself standing there alone, with no one to hear my silent plea. I slowly make my way to the bathroom and take a shower for the first time in a while. I really let myself down, but now I'll take care of her. She deserves that much.

It's a Wednesday morning when I sit in the kitchen, sipping on the iced coffee I made and dwelling on the thought that I miss Mom and Heeseung. I might not want to see them but I'll still miss them because of everything that we went through. They're two of the people that made me feel the most loved, and I hope that they understand why I need this time alone. I sip on the coffee, my gaze fixed on my phone as I scroll through mind-numbing social media feeds. The constant stream of updates and superficial interactions offers a temporary distraction, when I suddenly hear the door open.

"Y/N?" Mom's voice trails off with uncertainty. I look up from my phone, my heart pounding as I see her standing in the doorway. Her eyes are filled with concern and relief, and for a moment, I'm at a loss for words. It takes me a few seconds to compose myself and respond.

"Mom," I say softly, setting my phone aside and standing up. "I didn't know you'd come back today."

She steps forward, her gaze never leaving mine. "I missed you. I couldn't stay away any longer." And it's all it takes for me to break down in tears. Without hesitation, she closes the distance between us and wraps her arms around me tightly, crying too. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I'm here now." Unable to speak, I bury my face in her shoulder and let the tears flow freely. It feels as if a dam has burst, releasing all the pent-up emotions I've been holding inside. The sound of my cries echoes through the house and she holds me tighter, whispering sorry over and over again.

I can never hate this woman. Despite the pain and distance between us, the love I have for her is unconditional. She could never be perfect, and neither could I, and that's fine because love doesn't require perfection. It thrives in the imperfect, messy moments of life. I realize that a little too late but better late than never. "I missed you too, Mom. I'm so sorry."

She gently pulls away, her hands cupping my face. Her eyes are filled with regret, love, and hope all at once and I realize that we are both wounded souls seeking healing in each other's presence. "My sweet Y/N, I'm deeply sorry for any pain I've caused you. I've made mistakes, I kept you in the dark and I've failed you at times. But I never once stopped loving you, even when sometimes it seemed like I did." Tears continue to stream down my cheeks, but they are no longer tears of sorrow or anger, they're tears of forgiveness and understanding. Tears of something beautiful that we are finally reclaiming—the bond between a mother and a child.