Kiss Your Crϋe Goodbye (A Kiss & Mӧtley tale)

Chapter 2-What's the Worst that could Happen NOW?

-Diary Entry-

Time has lost all meaning, I've lost touch.... with what's real, what's not. Still so broken, the lamp never is turned off. I've had no human contact.... barely...even then...jumpy as fuck, I don't trust people. Fox, I haven't contacted him...and though I feel he understands, I feel guilty as fuck I've left him in the dark. I've heard rumors even in my bubble......Gene and Paul, hell even Bruce telling lies as to why I've disappeared. I can't deal with any of this.... I've bathed, barely managing the strength to do that.... I've lost weight, though it was said or would be that I am STILL fat, unattractive, unwanted.... a mangy 'cat' with fleas. It's been a few days since that thunderstorm, weird for LA....or it would be if it didn't feel like even the weather is out to get me. I haven't gotten drunk.... not totally, I paid someone to bring me alcohol.... when part of what I really wanna do is get blitzed in a bar. I am past caring....so past it. Really what's the WORST that could happen NOW?

Nightmares, night terrors, amazing my screams haven't fucking got me kicked out. I mean really. I get the feeling and I sure the hell wouldn't put it past Gene and Paul...monsters the both of them, look at what they've DONE to me. ALL of them.... but I feel they rich as they have people watching me.... somehow, someway......

I know...I am all over the place.... but I am like trying to glue a shattered vase back together. There is no 'glue' strong enough....

Then there are the 'dreams' or is it visions? I don't really know....that man, that one that seems to have rescued me in some way....details of his face escape me, but other features come into focus, the tattoos....one on his hands, the numbers '1313'....weird, but not....all I know is strangely I feel safe with him. I have seen his EYES....my eyes are blue, but his...well yes blue, but there is a ring of grey....its like ice, frost....warm only for those he cares about...which seems to be me. I've dreamed of him holding me....him doing whatever it took to help me.....proving me and the world wrong about him.

Then the dreams that are sweet fucking torture, me pregnant...with it seems....the man I've started dreaming of: His child......that one REALLY fucking hurts, because the world doesn't know...I had a child...or WOULD have....Paul's...or it was Gene's....but with all the shit I had going on....sadly, it was a miscarriage. and i had no one to blame but me....

-so ends my diary entry.... till we meet again-

I snap my diary shut, clutching it to my chest....bawling my eyes out. I have to GET out of here....stupid to take a risk, what with my justified fears....but I don't CARE what happens to me now. Everything is taken away from me....i don't have my baby to hold....and if I ever met my 'dream' man....he'd only hurt me, not save me....so why do I keep dreaming of him?

My mind is made up if something bad happens.... it's the LEAST I deserve I feel. I carefully, shakily manage to place my diary in my bag, hiding it in the bed side drawer and crawl my way out of bed.... unable to look in the mirror.... the MERE GLANCE....i don't like what I see....hair long and blond.....becoming a shadow....

Next thing I know, I am dressed....leather jacket, bandana to hold back the mass of hair from my face. And I head out...nearly losing my nerve. My bruises.... still are healing...the old, littered with the new.... i had no make-up to cover them. And 'lucky' me, I soon find....a bar not far from where I am staying....and the crush of people....the smell....i begin to panic, desperate to BREATHE.....cat calls....maybe at me....as I stumble my way to the bar, barely managing to ask for a bottle...two bottles of Jack....maybe its Jack and I find a corner....and try to isolate myself....breaking down.....

"W-Why.... why.... why." I whimper, tearfully chugging straight from the bottle. And I before I realize it down the bottle...being swept under by the alcohol, getting buzzed....and it keeps coming...coming....

Till it HAPPENS.... this....is where fate had a cruel sense of irony....and I'd soon meet my rescuer....

Drunk off my ass, some stranger, my vision is blurred invades my territory.... SCARING ME.

"I-I just wanna....be alone.... s sorry. i..." Slurring heavily, the fear.... somewhat sobers me up the tiniest bit.

"A pretty little thing like you....c'mon....I'd be HAPPY to keep you c-company." Oily as fuck.... reeking of alcohol.... cigarettes.... the SMELL. I don't think he's going anywhere...I was wrong I guess, when I said I didn't CARE what happens....but I deserve this.....i deserve this.

"P-Please....l-leave me...alone....I...not good....with people.....please." Sobbing already at this point, I try to move....leave, but I lose my balance or....no, I think he shoves me back into the booth....or is it the corner I'm in....the shadows....the shadows.

"I wasn't ASKING....lemme show you what a REAL man is like baby doll." I whimper, as he starts trying to feel me up....i go to try and shove him away....shaking...., a flick of a blade, "If I were YOU doll, I'd cooperate with me....scream....and you will REGRET it." That voice....i....no its not Gene...not Paul....a crazy fucking psycho....a stranger....there's only ONE way right now this will end. Struggling now....kissing me, I struggle.....and I throw up all over the guy....UGH.....a prick of metal....am I bleeding? I don't know....i think he's saying I've had too much.....the knife, planted in my side....i can't walk.....paralyzed, drunk sobbing....moving further away from sight....from sound.....being shoved into a stall that smells like piss......curled up in a ball, trying to be.....trying.....i think....think he's trying to get in my pants.....no....a rush of cold air....goosebumps...I struggle......

"PLEASE....PLEASE.....NO....PLEASE....DONT.....DONT....NO....NO....NO!!!" Back handed, my head hits the back of the stall.

"Shut up!!" I feel his member poking around my entrance....this will fucking HURT. No one seems to hear me......then....then....the strangest thing.....i HEAR someone else......sounds....grunts....a loud bang....shouting....lots of shouting....i sob harder.....groping for my pants.....blind

My vision still very much blurry.....still impaired.....still scared....still worthless

"Here...let me help you....can...you...hear me?" I swear I know that voice.... i SCREAM backing into a corner like a frightened animal.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I sob.... feeling dizzy now.

"Hey.... i PROMISE I ain't gonna hurt you. I beat the shit out of that guy. Come on...I promise.... he won't hurt you.... i promise I won't." Vaguely, I feel the stranger....not trusting how kind they are being, but seems its he....helping me get dressed, I flinch.

"I'm not...worth saving! S-ave yourself....i deserve this....I deserve this...." I feel myself, being lifted....gently, carried I think...they grunt. For some reason, I feel safe....why doesn't it hurt? Then something comes thru, with a moment of clarity......'1313', I think....on his hand. "You.... you.... gonna hurt me? I.... don't.... safe....no.... feel good." Black starts lining the edges of my vision....and the last thing I hear is that voice.... from my dreams....

"I promise.... promise on my life ain't gonna hurt you. I've got you....gonna help you...."

And I fall.... fall into darkness....

It was Mick....he was my rescuer...he IS. That night, I'd come to find....he'd heard the commotion, he was on his way....to take a piss. He'd end up taking me to the hospital, that I'd also come to find among other things. And it is this night, my life changed forever....it took a LONG time to heal....to try and heal, the only thing I remember really....was his '1313' tattoo....that vague feeling of safety that I didn't yet trust and the fact that he smelled like leather, vodka and lemons....which as it turns out is very soothing. I slept for a long time and I freaked....upon waking and that is all I will say for now. I would also come to learn I wasn't the only one drowning if you will.....

A/N: Mick to the rescue!! Poor eric!!! The next two chapters will be from Mick's POV, him finding Eric, and his thoughts on what happened and Eric's state. Stay tuned!!