Kiss Your Crϋe Goodbye (A Kiss & Mӧtley tale)

Chapter 23: How do I say Goodbye to my Heart?

How the hell have two days passed?!! Time, time is running out....each moment with Mick is like my last....i can't look at him without crying, the hormones make it worse....my morning sickness is bad, the stress of it all not helping.....the threat to my heart and my life hanging over my head...and speaking of 'hanging my head', currently I am hanging my head over the toilet and puking....its the middle of the night, Mick had stayed with me until I'd went to sleep....course I've done that several times tonight....i hate worrying him, I hate hiding from him and I don't deserve him....especially with what is coming.....

I groan loudly feeling dizzy, I close my eyes and lean back against the wall, trying to breathe seemingly for now, getting some sort of break in my morning sickness however brief and the tears, of course, they come....

"I.... I...I'm sorry...Micky....so sorry......" I whisper, voice still raspy from puking. I despite being dizzy, crawl....clinging to the sink, every object for dear life as I barely manage to clean my mouth out and crawl back in bed, the room rocking....and I find myself wanting Mick, wanting him to hold me, but the past 2 days I've felt that I've been too clingy and he needs space, but I can't fully deny at the same time how much i need him, shakily now I feel my way down to my stomach which I swear though it's only been two days since I've found out...reminds me that there is indeed a baby inside me, the child of the cat and the alien...and they are growing. "M-Micky...Micky..." I groaned, wanting something to drink, some chocolate and cucumbers suddenly not to mention my nightmare to END. 

Some gentle knocks on the door startle me, and that dark yet beautiful voice I know, and love so well sounds out, worried....and I burst into tears, trying to calm...

"Eric? Can I come in? I am worried about you, I just wanted to check on you, I couldn't sleep." I don't respond, curling into a ball being mindful of the baby. "Sapphire...please don't cry..." I hear before Mick's voice cracks and I hear his tears, slowly he opens the door and next thing I know, I feel the bed dip and I am surrounded by him....i only cry harder as without words, he joins me under my covers and I turn over carefully and practically dive into his embrace laying my head on his chest, both of us now in tears.....What am I doing? What have I done....

"M-Mick...." I breathe him in, his scent I swear doing wonders for my nausea right now or enough to dull it, as I still feel like shit. "I-I don't deserve you, and...and...I'm sorry for making you w-worry....and.... i really want.... chocolate an' cucumbers and am thirsty." I mumble not thinking he heard me, but my alien...he always does, and he KNOWS me.

"You DO deserve me Eric, you DO.... you have nothing to be sorry for...I...." Mick takes a tear-filled pause before saying, "Hey...look at me, PLEASE." He begs.

I refuse until he maneuver's me carefully, cradling my face in his hands a swirl of emotions in his tear-filled eyes...

Why does this have to hurt so fucking much? Paul threatened me and I have every reason to believe him, he's got in my head again.... it's not fair to Mick, there are things I haven't told Mick, that I don't know if I ever can.... here I am starting all fucking over again. Now, he will never know how much I've realized I love him and that I am carrying our child....I am so afraid, so damn afraid....if I don't leave, they will Kill Mick....he's always saving my life, so now its my turn to save his, and I have to try and protect our child.....i hate doubting him all over again....I'm not worthy of Mick....so how will I say goodbye to my heart?

"Micky.... i can g-get, the chocolate an' c-cucumbers, and drink...." I murmur, feeling so tired in all ways, and nauseous.

"I'll get it Eric but before I go, and I won't take long.... before I go, I want you to always remember this: I will always and forever love you and I will never give up on you, NEVER."

Pretty sure I dozed off because next thing I know I hear Mick setting down my cravings, sliced cucumbers and chocolate and he's also brought something that smells like honey and lavender, tea, I think, and the tears come back.... He's being so sweet; I will miss this....so much.

"T-Thank you Micky." I whisper.

"The tea doesn't have caffeine in it, it's good for sleeping and hopefully it will help you feel better. And oh sapphire, you look so pale.... shh, don't cry." Mick gently wipes away my tears, kissing me before handing me the tea which is cool enough and I gulp it down and inhale the chocolate and cucumbers, hoping it stays down.

Afterwards, I ask my lover...my voice small, "Will you.... stay with me tonight? I-I mean, if its not...too hard on your back?"

"I'll be fine, you no lie numb my pain Eric and even if you didn't, I will stay with you always. Now sleep baby, you need it bad I can tell. I am more worried about you than me right now." Carefully Mick joins me in bed, and without asking.... like he knows I need it, if I didn't know better, he reverently moves me into my usual cuddle position, my head on his chest.... him running those long fingers I love and know so well through my hair, and I inhaled his scent, that scent that is SO Mick.

"Mick?"

"Yes Eric?"

"Your.... heart is the most beautiful of sounds." I murmur sleepily, before giving in at last to sleep and I know no more....

Mick would tell me he replied with, "I could argue YOURS is." Sadly I would only spend one more day with him, the threat of Paul's hanging over my head like a storm cloud....i would be kidnapped, lied to...coerced take your pick....taken from under my husband's nose, for we would go out, for band stuff....and that's when I'd be taken, and I'll tell you now...the baby was ok, I WASN'T and Mick? They don't call him the alien for nothing, he would keep his promises to me...to never ever give up on me, to always love me no matter what and he I would find out in a few months.... would raise HELL to get me back, and he wouldn't do it alone.... doing whatever it took to find me. Of course, it fucking killed Mick to be apart from me...even though I didn't know at the time, he would come to find out I was pregnant and that part of him was always with me. Again, I wouldn't know any of this for months, I wouldn't know that he searched for me, I wouldn't know how he would sleep in my bed most nights, I didn't know.

All I knew then was that I had to keep him safe, that I thought.... he would die, that he did die.... that he would be better off without me, even though I longed for him. I left to protect him, to protect our first child. I left my heart behind.... with Mick, while as it turned out carried his heart within me.

A/N: Poor Eric! Sadly things wont be easy to say the least for a while....and I have decided to change things up some, for next chapter will be from Mick's POV and sadly Eric will be taken from Mick.