Kiss Your Crϋe Goodbye (A Kiss & Mӧtley tale)

Chapter 42: Fall of the House of Kiss Part 2

I am so scared...still.... Why did Mick have to go? I mean I know WHY, still it hurts...he didn't want to leave, I didn't want that either. I just.... hate feeling so lost, scared....and weak, meaning what those BASTARDS still are doing to me. And it's the next day, I couldn't.... take another day if I had to go, but I feel like I should be there with Mick. Yesterday.... was FAR too overwhelming, seeing Gene and Paul, and I spied Bruce, my once 'friend'...it kills me, I haven't STOPPED crying since Mick left, course he spent every moment with me and our daughter he could. I am NOT alone; part of Mick is with me and too...I have.... our family: Nikki, Vince, Duff. Fox sadly had to give testimony today too, and Axl.... Axl is there supporting Mick.... Look, what I am doing, I am keeping Nikki from HIS husband, Vince from HIS, and keeping mothers from their children.... I just.... oh god....

"Eric.... Whoa.... you need to calm down, man I know it hurts. He'll come back to you." Vince's voice floats to me, and I realize Erica is kicking me frantically and god, does that make me feel even worse, I do my best to breath deeply....thinking of Mick, of HER...but it doesn't erase the pain.....I gradually calm down, Erica is checked on and thankfully she is ok, but now.....i can't look or speak to anyone, cradling my stomach feeling shamed.

"Eric..." Nikki begins, and I hear HIS tears, and if I didn't know better everyone else's, "I know that look.... like when you get in your head, I've been there so many times. And you've been thru so much and are even now...suffering. You can't help having panic attacks, I know you don't fucking want to. You're not 'keeping' me from Eric...my Foxxy nor any of us from our partners/children. We all of us, are HERE for you...we're family Eric."

"I am having nightmares.... all over again..." I finally venture to say, looking down at my hands over my stomach, feeling Erica gently move. "Last n-night...all night and probably tonight too. I can't keep doing this.... you're right, part of me knows that...its just the trauma and everything that's happening and already happened. I mentally.... can't take much more. LOOK at me...." I venture to meet Nikki's tearful gaze, everyone's gaze. "LOOK what they are still doing to me, they're facing justice.... Mick...I wouldn't be here especially with out him...still, its gonna take a long time. I want to ENJOY my life, I AM happy...but overwhelmed as fuck...everything hurts, and I want Mick.... i Need him.... but...I hate being and feeling so damned helpless."

Before Nikki can say anything, Duff DOES. "I know it doesn't seem or feel like it now, but...in time, it will get better. And if I know anything about Mick, it's that he won't give up on you. You don't realize or maybe you do, just HOW much you've changed him since just a couple of years ago. All, Eric.... You can't HELP or control how you feel, no one expects you to. I can tell you wanna feel guilty for everything and putting your daughter in danger.... it's NOT your fucking fault, its THEIRS."

He's right.... i know that deep down, but STILL...again with 'still', the nightmares will come.... they will come, but.... i have Mick to chase them away....

I wind up crying myself to sleep and naturally nightmares.... for how long I don't know.... all I know is I find myself waking up to that feeling of safety, the FEEL of MICK......

I know these lips.... i love these lips...my husband, my Micky......and I can feel the tears start anew, and I've already cried oceans. Feeling now...Erica moves around, eagerly.... she knows Mick is here, her father is here......

"Oh Sapphire.... I'm here, baby I am here." Mick's voice breaks, and I drop my gaze feeling guilty, and just fucking overwhelmed until a moment later, Mick as he's so often done cradles my face in his hands. "I heard.... what happened while I was gone. Eric, I am so sorry I wasn't here, and.... you have NOTHING to feel guilty about.... NOTHING, it's those bastards' fault." Mick growls before softening his tone, "Please talk to me Eric, please....it may not feel like it helps now...but just get it all out ( he wants to hear me say it, though I know he knows....i just....don't know....look what happened when I took the stand the other day, Erica was frantic earlier feeling MY fear). I don't respond, Erica is amazingly calm...kicking away but gently trying to help me feel better in her way, but....my breathing is getting faster and next thing I know, is amazingly: Mick. My husband manages to climb into my hospital bed with me, my head on his chest....and I hear his heart.

"Mi-cky.....I....I...it hurts....i feel like I-I am keeping everyone from their OWN families, I don't wanna feel like this....I....am an' feel helpless, Erica....i k-keep hurting her....s-she was fr-antic earlier....i am just so fucking OVERWHELMED...and tired and I can't even ENJOY my pregnancy b-because of those b-astards. I...I...do love.... feeling.... her move.... kick, but...Mick...I...I am h-having nightmares...again.... AGAIN...all n-night...its.... too m-much." I sob and stammer. "P-part of m-me knows.... deep down, that.... its...not...my fault...but..."

"ERIC..." Firm but Gentle, so purely MICK and then he softens his tone and gradually I begin to calm still crying but not sobbing, "I know you don't wanna feel like this, it's not your fucking fault...any of it, its THEIRS AND I SHOULD HAVE KILLED THEM...I still want to, for YOU. I know you're overwhelmed, and I know it hurts like HELL to relieve all this.... When you are awake and when you're in darkness, you have EVERY right to feel like you do. And for the record, you are not hurting our daughter, its them that are hurting her.... but she's a fighter, stubborn as fuck like me....and she I promise on my life, will be fine. She is ok, even now.... i can feel it."

I tell Mick I love him, and we spend a few minutes kissing....and he's brought my favorite cravings and a good meal, again my favorite...surprising me, so I can eat.... All the while, he makes sure he is touching some part of me and giving Erica affection.

"I love you Mick...so much, I truly don't know what I'd do with out you. I don't have to face the darkness alone anymore, neither do you. I hope...No, I know you know how much I love you and too, I know how fucking hard it is, for you to see me hurt so much. And the nightmares, they'll come...but again you are THERE. Thank you for never giving up on me." I whisper afterwards.

"Always and forever Sapphire." My husband replies before rummaging around and handing me some bags and explaining, "You've been out for a while, the guys.... send their love, but I went out and got some things for you, just...because I felt like spoiling you and....to make you feel better.... open them, I'll help you...."

Mick helps me open one bag, that's full of my favorite hair accessories.... including bandanas all in colors that make my eyes stand out according to my husband. There is so much more: my favorite candies, new drumsticks and most precious of all? Things for Erica.

"Aw Micky...a stuffed alien, I love it...and...look...onesies saying, 'Martian princess' and 'Daddy & Mommies little Alien,' and a Mӧtley jacket small enough to fit her.... oh, all these are perfect! Everything you got me....and her thank you.... how'd I get so fucking lucky?" I laugh and cry both.

"You, Eric, are my world...you and our daughter. You need to try and sleep if you can and if you have nightmares, I will be right here to chase them away...always." I murmur sleepily and just give in.... but not before hearing Mick tell me he loves me....

Of course, the nightmares came that night...in fact, they'd keep happening for at least awhile.... what felt like forever, but Mick.... never complained once, he kept his promises, his vows to me. And soon I would go home, they ended up keeping me a few more days as a precaution, or more like exhaustion...even having to give me something to make me sleep that wouldn't hurt Erica, course.... I wouldn't truly sleep until I went home, back to my haven, the house I shared with my husband: Mars Mountain.

And soon, very soon there will be more on the fall of the house of Kiss.... news from the trial, and soon...soon JUSTICE will at last be served....

A/N: Poor Eric.... Things will get better in time. Next chapter will be part 3 to this, so stay tuned!! And including next chapter, only two more chapters until Erica arrives!!