Kiss Your Crϋe Goodbye (A Kiss & Mӧtley tale)

Chapter 11: Here I am, here we Are.

Our first walk together...how could I EVER forget such a thing. Such a precious, though I didn't realize it then: Thing. I told Mick that night for the first time I trusted him, I took a chance on the possibility of a family, what band COULD and SHOULD be. The main thing though was and always.... Mick. I for so long didn't believe in trust...in anything, and I thought too I would NEVER be good enough for Mick, with my past...my episodes and when those MONSTERS caught up with me again, they got into my head. Anyway, at this point in our story some time has passed, my recovery in the hospital....my struggles, Mick was the ONLY one who could calm me down and the days where he couldn't be there with me KILLED me, but he would ALWAYS call...always let me know and I felt like a burden.... I began to feel like one. And on the day of my release was one of my bad days....and the day Mick had as I would find out help me or surprise me with a place to live.... HIS place: Mars Mountain....or should I say our place? 

*Dear Diary*

Here I am.... the end of my hospital stays, being discharged. Mick, I think had some things to take care of, I think a place for me to live...helping me maybe with that. He's done SO much for me, I don't know how to properly thank him. He's saved my life so many times already, every day in fact. If it wasn't for him, I would no lie be DEAD. It freaks me out when he's not here and I don't know why it HURTS SO MUCH, I panic.... i trust him, I am coming to trust my new bandmates Nikki and Vince....

Again, here I am... here we are. Weeks have passed since once again, I've been in the hospital and I am FINALLY at what the Doctor's say is a healthy weight and my mental state....is like start and stop, still not in a good state I feel...slowly trying to crawl my way out of the fucking dark. How the fuck....is it now.... what: April....no May.... I'd run back in March or February or was it January....no more likely February. May.... not so good with the time.

I can't concentrate, where IS Mick? He didn't change his mind...I don't think, I think it would kill me if he did. But then again, I am a burden to him though he tells me otherwise...I... fuck...this...

-Done-

I slam my diary shut and tuck it into my bag as I draw my knees up to my chest, sobbing suddenly rocking back and forth......

"Why.... Why ME? I'm.... i don't know how to thank.... you Mick. I am still too used to having the rug pulled out from underneath me. I am a b-burden...he...has...his own...issues." I whimper, thinking no one hears me and my savior won't come to my rescue THIS time.

"Eric.... oh my god..." Quick footsteps, and that scent that is so MICK surrounds me. "Hey I'm here, ok? I never meant to make you worry, and I am sorry for that. Calm down please...c'mon." Gently he rubs my back, and I try and breathe in and out.... takes a bit but I calmed down enough to talk to him.

"I...Just feel like a burden to you Mick....and this is all, so new to me. I'm not used to kindness that doesn't mean or lead to manipulation or pain, and its like the rug always gets pulled from underneath me. And I trust you I do.... i just.... don't know how I can ever r-really thank you. You have your own struggles and don't need me ADDING more to them." Mick's hold on me tightens, but it doesn't hurt...he's being careful, and I feel shamed and look down. "Eric look at me please, I won't hurt you.... i need you to listen PLEASE." Mick begs me, still feeling ashamed I reluctantly do so. "You've been thru such trauma.... the loss of a child, suffered such abuse emotionally and physically for YEARS. No one expects you to be instantly better, you still have a way to go in your recovery, but you ARE getting there, you will. I believe in you....so much. And yes, I have my demons with alcohol and being addicted to painkillers, or I did...I have my days where I struggle...and Eric? You're NOT a burden or adding to my own problems. For the first time in my life, I am doing something right.... I've never had anyone tell me I'm safe, that means a lot to me. I do everything I do because I want to.... now, are you ready to go?" I manage a tearful nod, gathering my stuff with Mick's help and put on my sunglasses and bandana, trying my hair back and we're on our way.... Mick has yet to tell me where he's found for me to live, and I haven't had a clue as to where to start. Mick helps me into his and with my stuff, despite the fact I can tell he is in pain, but it seems to pass quickly, and my destiny i feel has really begun.

"W-Where....am I.... gonna be? I don't even know where to start to look and i..." I start rambling, Mick cuts me off gently.

"Slow down Eric.... relax. and I wanted to surprise you.... i thought about an apartment for you, but I know you still have such a hard time with people outside of myself...and are still coming around on Nikki and Vince....so...." Here is where I am beyond floored...and where I believe I began to fall for Mick and I didn't realize it, all I knew then was he changed and saved my life yet again...forever. "I thought for you to feel safe.... you could live with me at Mars Mountain.... That's what I call my home. And...you'll have your own space and can go and do whatever you want. But I promise you will be safe....and if you change your mind and want to go elsewhere you can." I swear Mick's voice cracks at the last part, but I find myself gaping at him in shock, trying to process what I've just heard as we continue to make our way to Mick's place...no Mars Mountain, and I feel the tears start trying to find my voice.

"A-Are you.... serious.... you...really...wow." I stammer.

"Yes, to all of it, I figured it would be the best place to protect you from THEM." Mick practically snarls at that, before his tone softens, "Its quiet, and I hope you'll like it there."

"And if I decided to leave at any time.... you'd be ok with that?" I can't help but ask.

"I would hate to see you go; I'd worry I can't lie.... but whatever you wanted to do Eric or go, I'd support you in that and something tells me you're tired of running all the time. I think you have a lot to be proud of, you took a chance with Me...with joining another band and being in the spotlight again. You've got guts, I am proud of you for that and it's the fact that you are alive and safe, that's all the thanks I need." Sincerely, and yet I sense for some reason there is something more to his words, that I just don't know what it is now. I begin to doze off and the next thing I know.... i hear, "You look like you need some more sleep.... but Eric opens your eyes. We are here."

I rub my eyes of their sleep, realizing too we've stopped, and my eyes go wide as they will go......it really IS a mountain...Mars Mountain.

I turn to Mick, who has tears in his eyes, and I know they are in mine as I say....

"Mick? Thank you.... just.... thank you."

A/N: Eric is slowly healing...and surprise!! I changed my ideas around, originally, I was going to have Eric have his own place but.... figured it would be better for him to be with Mick. Eric still has a way to go in his recovery, but again slowly he is getting there. And for a time, Eric will still have his days, the past though won't stay buried forever.....