Kiss Your Crϋe Goodbye (A Kiss & Mӧtley tale)

Chapter 13: There's Something about You (Mick Mars)

Eric, there was and IS something about him.... many things, he's funny.... He's brave, he's passionate. I could go on...and I have, and I will. The point here though, is when Eric moved in with me that day in May of 1993, I began to realize somethings...things about myself, but moreover things about Eric and My FEELINGS for Eric. I felt with him and around him, things I'd NEVER fucking felt with anyone but him. We taught each other the meaning of love as it turns out, even thru the storms that have not yet truly begun in our tale yet.... Now, on with the damn show.

Eric has just fallen asleep, those ocean....no crystal blues now closed. I whisper, "I will always watch over you, protect you, and always be here. I promise you." I am sitting on the edge of his bed, making sure he's ok, lingering. There is something about him, I've never felt around anyone else before. Among other things, making me want to try harder...to fight and not let my pain get the better of me, and my addictions spiral out of control again. He's changed me, given me a purpose, something to fight for.... He is here, here with me. He's told me I feel safe, that my home feels like ME...its just the way he said it. Eric doesn't mean to open to me I can tell but open up he does.... he doesn't see it, but it helps...I believe that. It means that he trusts me....

I brush carefully without thinking about it, a strand of hair behind Eric's ear, "You never will have to be afraid of the dark, not while I'm around, I promise you. I'll leave a light on for you...." More realizations hitting me now, with me still lingering.... i can feel my eyes widen as I gaze upon the sleeping Sapphire eyed angel before me:

I just thought of him as an angel.... because I am realizing that is how I SEE him. He called me "micky", he didn't know where it came from, he said, but I believe it came from his heart. His mind is still very much like a shattered vase that's been glued back together, slowly...being repaired. His heart.... i saw the look in his eyes when I smiled...ACTUALLY FUCKING SMILED a true one and its because of ERIC. That look in his eyes, such emotions....and I saw that he doesn't feel good enough...good enough for ME. He doesn't see it....it will take time; I feel that in my battered bones. And I am seeing now, that somewhere along the way I am or have fallen for him. I won't give up on Eric EVER, on anything.... I will keep my promises to him. He's healing me and by God, I will do whatever it takes to heal him.

"Hey..." I whisper, feeling tears roll down my cheeks, "I will wait for you, a lifetime if I must. I've fallen for you.... i will wait, but I feel your heart baby.... gonna go to the studio and take care of dinner and all. You sleep, ok?" after some minutes, I slowly get up and with one last look, I head for my studio...our studio really, or it will be and I make a mental note to check on Eric again, soon.

I first lovingly tune my guitar, while eyeing.... Eric's drums. Its one of the things I wanted to give Eric a new start on, a surprise...and I may've had some input from Fox. The drums are brand-new, and custom made Mӧtley drumsticks.

My guitar now tuned.... playing my rifts....my fingers not missing a beat knowing what they need to do, my thoughts now as ever centered on Eric. I hope he likes his drums, and I would love to jam with him.... something else I hope to help reignite his passion for, not that he doesn't love his drums....and perhaps a baking lesson from him? I can cook, well and he I've been told is a good baker....

I play for awhile and stop to check on Eric, whom I am relieved to see is still sleeping and the hours pass by, as I straighten the house.... sort the bills, work on music a wee bit more and finally gets started on dinner making: Spaghetti Carbonara, with garlic bread.... something that I hope will be hearty and that Eric will like.

I get lost in cooking, lost in feeling and in time, my thoughts still on Eric. It's just like my guitar; my hands still know what they need to do even in cooking. He's here, he's safe.... still healing, I hate that those monsters...Gene and Paul, broken him so thoroughly. They hurt him, especially Paul.... abusing him.... those bruises I saw the night I found him that I KNEW weren't from the fucker that nearly raped him, still kill me when I think about them. What Eric said about bad things happen to him in the dark, they forced him.... they had to have, to have sex....to take him without warning.... I will get you justice Eric, I SWEAR IT. One day, perhaps you will see not all bad things happen in the dark, there is light there that can be found.

Dinner is done and I after making sure things are ok, head upstairs carefully to Eric's room and knock at the door, gently...I don't want to scare him, I'd never want to....

"Eric? Are you awake? Doing ok.... Sorry if I wake you. Dinner is ready."

I hear the unmistakable sound of tears as I take a chance worried, as slowly I open the door and go to sit by him, and he ventures to look at me.

"I just.... I mean, you made dinner. Mick.... it's been SO long since I've had a home cooked meal....and.... it's just that well Paul, always told me I was fat....and told me what to eat." I feel a surge of anger at what he told me, and push that down and tell Eric....

"You're NOT fat Eric, not everyone is supposed to look the same. You can eat as much as you want when you want.... did you mean he controlled your diet?"

"Yes." He whispers.

"Come on, it will be ok....do you want to eat? If not, I can save...." Eric cuts me off.

"No...no, I'll.... i mean you went to so much trouble." Eric tames his sleep hair; I wait for him, and head downstairs and I dish up the carbonara that was keeping warm. Eric wipes his tears; I can tell he's touched as I fix him a plate with garlic bread.... I wait for him to take a bite and his eyes roll in the back of his head; I chuckle lowly as I dish up my own portion.

Dinner is a relatively quiet affair, mainly I talk.... Eric responding here and there, it's not a bad kind of quiet either. Dishes are washed soon after dinner, Eric all but demanded to help me and to clean the kitchen. I gave in....

"Eric.... I have something for you, somethings actually....and did you enjoy dinner?" I venture to say, gauging his reaction. And I note his eyes are wide with surprise and a spark of hope, and other emotions flash through those stunning orbs of his.

"You're a good cook Micky. It was great really." He called me 'Micky' again...., "You don't have to get me anything else. You've done enough.... i don't deserve..."

"You DESERVE everything Eric....one day you will see that." Firmly, but gently. I lead him to the studio, telling him...., "I may have had some help with this from a friend of ours." I open the door and let Eric go first, whose jaw drops and eyes widen as he bursts into tears...seeing his new drum set, custom....Mӧtley logo yes, but with Eric's initials intwined. Eric slowly, hesitantly as if fearing everything will disappear touches every piece of his kit before sitting down on the stool.

"Mick.... i don't fucking know how to properly thank you.... i mean, this is.... I'm not dreaming right? Please tell me I'm not."

"You're HERE, your YOU that's enough thanks.... you're not dreaming....and if you really want to 'thank' me...." Eric looks at me, fearful for a moment and I quickly reassure him, my heart easing in its clinching at his fear. "Jam with me." I retrieved the slim case containing his drumsticks and hand them to him, "You may need these.... Open it, Eric." Softly, Eric opens them and gasps.

"Wow, they have my name...on them....and my f-favorite colors." Uncertainty and pain cloud his features, "Are you sure you want to PLAY with me? I'm not.... that.... great.... of a drummer, I'm not as good as Fox." I know good and damn well those words come from those evil bastards and when I get my hands on them!!!....

"I'd be damned proud and AM to play with you Eric Singer...always. I believe in you....and Eric? Wanna know a secret? Channel all those emotions you're feeling.... channel them every time you play. Get lost in music in the best of ways."

"Is that why you're such an amazing guitarist?" Eric asks.

"Part of it." I smile. He gives a small smile back. "Wanna play a Mӧtley song? Or we can play whatever." I grab one of my guitars and tune it, Eric beginning warm-ups.

"Well as I've joined our band, Mӧtley.... i think 'Knock EM Dead kid'." Eric answers me finally after a wee bit. I quickly agree and this time MY eyes are wide with awe, wonder.... pride, you name it as I watch him seeing to take my advice to heart as we play.

There's something about you, Eric you don't yet see.... or think of.... your heart I think knows, or is waking up rather, you I imagine are confused inside....and don't realize, one day you will.... we BOTH will....

A/N: The alien's thoughts and feelings.... Mick fell for Eric, it's there. And they are healing one another, even if the other doesn't see. And are slowly teaching each other the meaning of what love is and is meant to be. The signs are there. Stay tuned for more!