Kiss Your Crϋe Goodbye (A Kiss & Mӧtley tale)

Chapter 16: The Cat's Eye View (First Show)

My first show with Mӧtley Crϋe as a member of said band.... a few dates around California, showcasing me...but man my first show. We've done rehearsals and no fake smiles, the kind that don't reach the eyes, no bullying.... maybe slowly but surely, I am bonding with Sixx and Vince and keeping in touch with Fox as well and here recently Fox and well Nikki too told me they are dating, Fox is a good man...rather like his namesake but just what Nikki needs and he's happy. And then there's Mick, Mick I couldn't imagine life without him. I wouldn't be here without him....and I love lying in his arms, just listening to his heartbeat. The feel of his lips, I feel so safe with him. I don't know how at this point to describe my feelings, I am still healing in so many ways, but Mick? Mick is always there, patient.... tender, he means what he says. I still don't feel good enough for him....and if he knew TRULY what went on behind closed doors, I fear what he'd say. I---

"Eric? Man, you, ok?"

I shake my head and realize Vince is addressing me.... Mick in the meantime is discussing something with our manager and Nikki, and I find myself missing Mick.

"Um, yeah.... just deep in thought. This is huge for me, it's different.... I'm not being bullied and that's polite for what I went through. You and Nikki, I really feel like I've bonded with you guys like friends. And its my first show with you guys, and I wouldn't be HERE without Mick."

Vince nods seriously taking in my words, his words blow me away.... but I know I need to hear them, "You belong here, never doubt that. We've got your back and I would say you've breathed life back into our band. You honor our sound but put your own unique spin on things, you're gonna kick ass tonight, you are a true friend...and as for Mick? You've changed him, he's gotten better about his addiction to pain pills, his drinking problem.... I've never seen him like this, and I've never seen anyone the way he is with you. Both of you together, you Eric will see in time..." we chat a wee bit more before Nikki comes in with Mick, who comes straight to me with a box? If you are wondering Axl Rose was at my first show and of course Fox, I mean naturally.

"I wanted to get some things for you, hope you like them." Mick comes to sit by me, handing me the box.

"Mick, you didn't have to go to so much trouble.... but thank you." I can feel myself blush at the end. Mick waits eagerly it seems as I open the box to find: A Mӧtley Crϋe bandana with my name on it, the color matching my eyes....and, new fingerless gloves and their colors are my favorite: a combo of purple and blue, some black thrown in. I also find a dessert cookbook to my surprise; one I'd been wanting for a very long time...years really.

I find tears springing to my eyes....

"I wanted to get these things for you, and i wanted to do this to help make your first show extra special." I look to see Mick's eyes shining.

I feel so emotional, "Mick.... You make EVERYTHING extra special. This means so much to me." I find myself leaning in and his lips meet mine and I feel safe....and my nerves about the show set at ease.

After I put on my new bandana and gloves and for the first time, as I've been curious.... i fix Mick's hair, running my fingers thru it and I've never done such before....

Before I know it, its time to take the stage...and I can hear the roar of the crowd, and I hear the echo of Mick's advice in my head and I take deep breathes, as he squeezes my hand, smiling to make sure I'm ok, to set me at ease....and I take my place....

Wow, this crowd is huge!!.... Ok, so far so good, I'm not missing a beat.... but the crowd, it's a different beast, a different feel and vibe than with my former band/tormentors. All eyes are on me, curious to see the 'wayward' and 'runaway' drummer. I am in the spotlight.... its glaring. I worry about Gene and Paul.... I know they are watching, WHY does no one believe me about them? Or more people SEE through them? Guess money REALLY can buy everything.... except me.... i catch Mick's eyes....

'You're doing great.... I'm right here if you need me....my sapphire.' Mick mouths. I feel the sheen of tears.... Did he just? I mean.... he's NEVER called me that before.... but I.... believe I like it, more than like it.

'I wouldn't be here without you.' I mouth back...and oh trust me Mick gets the message....

I am taking Mick's advice for sure.... Sixx and Vince too are interacting with me, checking on me....and I am slowly getting used to them. To all this.... i must admit I've missed this.... or I should say the way it should be in a band; the drummer is the engine or the driving force.... or, to me.... Mick is the heart of group.... the one that keeps everyone together and works with wildly different personalities....

The show goes great and I play the piano for 'home sweet home' but I do it my way, I'm not Tommy Lee...I am me, I've heard the whispers I swear amongst the crowd but maybe just maybe I am winning them over....and we even play 'unholy'.....a song I wrote, that Nikki was on board with....i see Fox in the front row, Axl Rose too...his red hair is unmistakable....

Suddenly on the last song of the night.... i swear I see...someone that LOOKS like Paul or Gene in the crowd...and my blood turns to ice, for a split second and then I lose sight of it....

Please.... let me imagine things, PLEASE. Turns out...I truly at the time thought I was imagining things but turns out.... I WASN'T.

Now, now we are taking our final vows....and I feel Mick's hand slip into mine, cradling it....as he and I share a glance and he leans in, and I hear him say:

"So proud of you Eric...and I noticed that look in your eyes at the end, I would DIE before I let them harm you..." I gape at him and feel my eyes fill with tears. They don't call him 'the alien' for nothing...., "and yes, I really did call you Sapphire.... it's your beautiful eyes." I feel him squeeze my hand gently....

We do end up doing an encore.... after our final bows or what were our final bows and my 'glimpse' of something I am pretty sure I imagined and my moment of fear is put on the back burner....and at last after the encore, we all head backstage.... Mick of course, right there with me.... making sure I'm safe, just being Mick.

"Yes, I really did call you Sapphire...." Is coming back to me now, I've never had a pet name or something so.... touching or endearing bestowed upon me....

My first show with Mӧtley was unforgettable....and so was the rest of my 'show case' if you will.... but my first Post show? That also was unforgettable for so many reasons: Again, no bullying or post show 'sessions' and by that I mean punishments away from any prying eyes and those that did were paid off....no photo ops where I'd feel nails dig into my flesh where no one could see, no lies....for the first time ever, that night....was relatively calm, Nikki and Vince were supportive, giving me rave reviews which I still wasn't used to and also, this post show backstage? My husband....my alien would ask me on our first official date, which would take place after my Mӧtley show case.

A/N: Cat's eye view, Eric's first show with Motley.... Mick's sweet gesture....and as always foreshadowing of things to come. Stay tuned!