Feels Like Home

Waiting Game

MC's POV:

He turns back toward me and then back toward the door. He is pacing.  I haven't seen him like this and I don't know what it means exactly.  Finally standing still, his hands continue to run through his hair. He is in shock, but I don't know if there is anger intermixed with it.

I feel the tears beginning to run down my cheeks. If I lose him now, after all of the running and chasing, both from dangerous situations and from each other, I don't know what I will do. I begin to rub my hands together. I haven't been this nervous in a long time. If it had been any other person, I would have kept my mouth shut and never told the full truth. Jake would have no way of knowing that I had deceived him, but I simply have to tell him the truth. I can't have anything between us. He deserves nothing but everything that I can give him.

The tears are freely falling now, but I won't let him know. I try to emain silent and he is distracted, processing everything that he has just heard. He deserves this time, but I am left with nothing else to do but watch helplessly as the muscles on his back tense and release, that and worry.

I think about how handsome he is, but how his kindness overshadows anything that can be seen from the outside.  He has a deep capacity to show love and a desire to make those around him feel special and cared for. If there is anyone who will forgive this it will be him. It is the only chance that I have to hold on to. It is the last little bit of hope that my love and my heart wont leave me forever.  I won't be able to replace him or have another love.  He is it for me.

After a few more minutes pass, he still remains unaware that I am so upset. It is the first time since we met that I feel separate from him and the first time that he appeared unaware of my feelings. Even when we weren't speaking, he found ways to show me that he cared about me and made sure that I felt his love. He has always been attune to my every emotion, but not now.  The disconnect between the two of us is devastating. 

My hope for his forgiveness is dwindling.

-----------

Jake's POV:

How could I have missed this? 

I can't believe it. She was looking for me? All of this the that I thought my feelings for her came first, but she had sought me out? How did I get so fortunate that she could be in my life and that she actively tried to be? How did I get so fortunate that she would allow me to be in her vicinity and breathe in her air? She is a phenomenal woman. She is everything, and she told me the whole truth when she did not have to.

I run my fingers through my hair, trying to figure it all out. I am distracted by the thought of how, once again, fate intervened in our love. More little things had to happen to lead to this one big picture. I am going to be grateful for it and not question the why. 

Surely she can't still be afraid of our future. I am convinced that our futures have to be shared.

I did still have one question roaming through my mind. How did I not remember her? How could I have not been enraptured by those beautiful eyes....

WAIT!!

I do remember her, I pace around the room, suddenly aware of how enamored I was of her at the time. I have not forgotten. I remember how her beauty struck me at that moment. In fact, I almost answered her question, which would not have been a thought for anyone else.  

I am so surprised by this turn of events. I can not believe there was no inkling of this. I remember now thinking about the girl, but then I met Mahri and all the other women were out of the window. She was all that I wanted. I had tunnel vision. I had no idea that the two women were one and the same.