Back to normality?

Chapter 87

The next morning, Peter had gone over to Streetcars to help Steve out on the switch for a couple of hours as an emergency; he'd been reluctant to agree but Carla had insisted she'd be okay. He had made her promise to call the minute she needed him and he'd promised to message her every half an hour to check she was okay; as soon as he shut the door behind him, Carla watched from the window as he walked over to the taxi office and entered.

"Mommy" she heard Tilly calling her from the nursery where she'd been napping after a restless night.

Shaking the anxieties from her mind, she went and lifted her daughter onto her hip.

"Mommy's here" she whispered, holding her close. "Are you still tired?"

When Matilda nodded, Carla noticed how warm she felt and how flushed her cheeks were.

"Is my baby girl feeling poorly?" She asked, heading into the bathroom to check her temperature. "Oh sweetheart, let's get some medicine"

With some children's liquid paracetamol in her, Carla settled her on the sofa and sat on the floor, stroking her hair as Olivia slept in the rocker; she noticed Matilda keep rubbing her ear and on a quick look, it seemed to be red.

"It's okay, we're all okay" she whispered, more to herself than her daughters. "We can deal with this, can't we?"

Picking up her mobile, her finger hesitated over the number for the medical centre before she clicked call; knowing it was for her child, she made an appointment for eleven to be seen. Now she had a dilemma, she didn't know if she could face going out alone with two young children, or even just one if someone looked after Olivia; she didn't want to ask Peter to come back so soon but she knew the likelihood of getting past streetcars without him seeing them was minimal. Sighing, and fighting back the urge to cry, she sent him a message and waited; by the time the door opened fifteen minutes later as he ran in, she was sitting at the table, head in her hands as she cried; noticing the girls were still asleep, he helped her up and held her close, a hand stroking up and down her back as he kissed her hair.

"It's okay, I'm here" he whispered.

"I'm sorry" she cried. "I can't even take our daughter to the doctor"

"You don't need to be sorry, you noticed something was wrong and you made the appointment; maybe it was too soon for me to leave you, eh?" He said, pulling back slightly so he could look at her.

"I'm sorry"

"Well drop Olivia off with Chelle and then we can take Tilly together, okay?" He asked, wiping away her tears.

"I hate this Peter; I hate not being able to do normal things. I don't want to be scared to take one of the girls to the doctor or the shop..."

"You have made some amazing progress over the last week; did you take the diazepam this morning?"

"No"

"Okay, why don't you take one and have a little rest before we go out?" He suggested.

"It makes me sleepy; can we try something else?" She sniffed.

"Okay, let's sit down"

Sitting on the armchair, he waited until she was settled on his lap before taking her hand.

"Take a deep breath and hold it for five...and out...and in...keep going"

Slowly, her breathing evened out and some of the anxiety left her body; he allowed her to rest against him for a short while before kissing her forehead.

"Shall we get ready? Michelle already has Olivia"

Nodding, she reluctantly left his arms and went into the bathroom to sort out her face and freshen up; with Matilda on Peter's hip, head resting on his shoulder, she took Peter's hand as they headed to the medical centre. The doctor confirmed an ear infection and prescribed some antibiotics for ten days; a quick stop at the pharmacy and they were soon back at the flat and settled in their double bed.

"She'll be okay love," Peter said as he watched Carla stroke her daughter's hair after having her antibiotic.

"I know" she whispered before looking at him as he sat next to her. "I'm sorry for freaking out this morning; I thought I'd be okay but then I started to panic and I got scared"

"It's understandable but it's not a problem; you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad you realised you couldn't do it and let me know; I wouldn't have wanted you to struggle to get over there and make things even worse"

"Do you need to go back?" She asked as she snuggled into his side as he lay down next to her.

"No, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me otherwise"

"Olivia?" She whispered, closing her eyes.

"She's okay next door; try and get some rest" he answered, kissing her hair as she slowly drifted off.

Later that afternoon, whilst Peter read Matilda a story on the sofa, Carla let herself in next door where Michelle was sitting on the sofa, feeding her youngest.

"Hey, how's Tilly?" Michelle asked as Carla sat next to her.

"Quiet, clingy; doctor confirmed ear infection and gave her antibiotics"

"And you?"

"I felt such a failure Chelle; I made the appointment but I couldn't bring myself to take her. I was too scared to leave the flat; what if Peter had been on a job or you hadn't been available?" She said, tearfully.

"But he wasn't on a job and I was available; don't be too hard on yourself. You noticed she wasn't well and you sorted it; a few days and she'll be back to her normal self"

"It's so hard"

"I know, yesterday's off day hasn't helped either, has it?"

"I guess not" she admitted.

"How about tomorrow, you and I go to the gym? See if that will help with your frustrations and anxieties?" Michelle suggested as she winded Olivia and passed her over to her mom.

"Maybe" she whispered, standing up to leave.

"You know where I am if you need me"

Carla nodded and picked up the baby bag before leaving, defeated; entering next door, she sat the bag on the counter and went into the bedroom, sitting on the bed with Olivia still in her arms.

"Love?" Peter said as he followed her in from the nursery where he'd put Matilda down for another nap. "Are you okay?"

"No, I don't think I am" she answered, her voice soft.

"What's your level right now?" He asked, sitting next to her.

"6"

"Okay, maybe it's time to take the diazepam; you can get some rest and we can see how you are in the morning"

Admitting defeat, she placed Olivia in the basinette before taking the tablet; having changed into her lounge clothes, she got settled in the bed, drifting off to Peter stroking her hair back.