Back to normality?

Chapter 41

Once dinner had been eaten, Roy had retreated back to the cafe, much to Carla's pleading to stay longer, Michelle had gone to spend some time with Ryan and Ali and Carla was sat on the floor with Matilda on her lap, playing with the new toy Simon had brought her.

"Is Carla doing okay?" Simon asked quietly, standing next to Peter who was leaning against the counter in the kitchen, watching the scene in front of him.

"She is son; she just got a bit overwhelmed this morning. She wanted everything perfect for Matilda's first christmas..."

"She looks happy" he said, seeing the smile on her face from Matilda laughing.

"She does; you did good with the presents"

"She's pretty easy to buy for"

"You all packed for Leanne's tomorrow?"

"Nick's took her away"

"You didn't say"

"She can do what she wants; I'd rather be here with my sister anyway." He shrugged before walking over to sit with Matilda so Carla could join Peter.

"What were you two talking about?" She asked, snuggling against him.

"Si was saying how happy you looked"

"Bit of a difference from this morning"

"You were tired; Si and I should get going to my dads. Do you still wanna come?"

"I think he'd like to see his Granddaughter" she sighed, making no effort to move.

"I can take her if you want a break?" He offered.

"No, it's her special day; just give me ten minutes?"

"Take as long as you need"

Kissing her hair, he watched her go into the bathroom, defeated; closing the door, she rested against it, letting out a long deep breath. Pretending she was okay all day was starting to tire her out, physically and mentally; 'I can do this, it's just another hour' she told herself as she looked in the mirror. The black bags under her eyes were a sign of her exhaustion; not liking the person looking back at herself, she sat on the floor against the bath, knees pulled up to her chest and arms hugging them close.

"Carla, let me in love?" Peter said, knocking the door.

"Five minutes" she uttered, trying not to let her voice break.

"I need you to open the door; I know you've been pretending to be happy today"

Sighing, she unlocked the door and resumed her position; shutting the door behind him, he sat next to her, mirroring the way she was sat as she looked at her hands.

"How did you know?" She whispered.

"I know you; you may have been genuinely happy at times but when you think no one is looking, the smile fades. You didn't need to pretend with us; I told you we would handle it however you wanted"

"I tried Peter"

"I know you did; I thought your chat with Michelle help this morning?" He asked, taking her hand.

"It did, for a while"

"I'll phone my dad, tell him we'll go round tomorrow"

"No, it's not fair on him to miss out; I'll be fine"

"You don't need to pretend, you know? You're gonna have bad days, and given that you haven't had one for a while, it's not surprising" he said, stroking her hair as she finally rested her head on his shoulder.

"It's been months without the thoughts or feelings..."

"I know love; if you really want to come, you don't have to talk if you don't want to and we won't stay too long. Just long enough to see him and give him his presents..."

She nodded and sighed, rubbing her eyes; later that afternoon, she was sat on the sofa, her new blanket around her as she pulled her feet under her, staring at her phone; she looked up as Peter placed two drinks on the coffee table and took a seat next to her, arm resting on the back of the sofa.

"You doing okay?" He asked, having noticed how quiet she had been.

Shrugging her shoulders, she noticed the familiar item Peter pulled from the side of the sofa.

"Will having this help?" He asked, passing the bear over.

Watching as she hugged it close, he allowed his fingers to play with her long dark hair.

"You did brilliantly today; we can have a quiet day tomorrow and relax. See if we can get you feeling better; what can I do to help you right now?"

Still not saying a word, she laid her head onto his lap, letting the blanket cover her body; within minutes of stroking her hair and cheek, she was soon dozing somewhat peacefully. He left her there for a while before moving her to the bed, despite it only been early evening; it was no surprise given her state of mind that she woke a short while later,around eight, with a start.

"Hey, its okay" he said, gently as her eyes darted around the room, having looked up from his book.

"Tilly" she panicked, quickly running to the nursery.

Seeing her daughter sleeping soundly, she sighed and turned around, noticing Peter in the doorway.

"She's fine love, let's go back to bed" he said, holding a hand out.

Shaking her head, she let the tears fall.

"Nothing is going to happen to her, I promise; it's been a long day and we all need to sleep. Come on, why don't we try some of your techniques, eh? See if that helps?"

"No" she answered, wrapping her arms around herself, out of scaredness and coldness.

"Okay, what do you want to do? You can choose..."

"Go away"

"I can't do that"

"Please" she begged, tears still falling.

"Do you want me to call Michelle?" He suggested.

When Carla nodded, Peter made the call before passing the phone to her.

"Chelle?" She whispered.

"Hey you, what's wrong?" She asked, on her way over.

"He won't leave me alone" she said, looking at Peter.

"He's worried about you; I'm right downstairs"

As Michelle walked in the flat, Carla threw the phone back at Peter before running to her; hugging her tight, she felt Michelle's hands rubbing her back.

"I'm here now; let's work at calming you down, eh?"

"I'm scared" she admitted.

"I know, do you want to go for a walk? We can go over to the Bistro, be alone?" She offered.

Nodding, she pulled on her boots and coat; before she left, Peter wrapped her scarf around her neck and handed her the bear, knowing she needed comfort, as well as passing Michelle the diazepam secretly. With the bear hidden in her pocket, Carla took Michelle's hand as they left.