Back to normality?

Chapter 72

As the morning went on, Carla stayed in the bedroom, lying on the bed, and Peter on the sofa; neither spoke to the other one. Wiping her eyes, Carla noticed the time and realised she would have to get up, put her game face on and face the day, no matter how she was feeling inside; make up redone, she took a deep breath before opening the bedroom door and finding Peter still in the same place.

"Car..."

"We have to go" she stated, pulling her jacket on.

"Just wait a second...please?" He pleaded, standing in front of her.

Sighing, she looked at him, her red eyes showing obvious signs of tears been shed.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to make you cry" he said, a hand cupping her cheek.

"When you disappeared for so long after, after been distant this morning, I felt...alone and scared and I could feel the anxiety flaring up; if you want to go for a walk or whatever, that's fine but please don't shut me out"

"Won't happen again"

"I can't...won't...go backwards Peter..."

"Okay, the truth is...I...went to a meeting this morning" he admitted.

"Why?" She whispered.

"Because...lately I've been thinking about everything over the last few years and having another baby and...I was tempted to drink"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You've been doing so well and embracing the pregnancy; I didn't want to be the one that unsettled you"

"So you thought lying to me would be the better option?!"

"I..."

"We don't have time for this; you can come or stay but I'm going to see our baby" she sighed, grabbing her bag.

Following, he grabbed the car keys and his jacket; the ride to the hospital was quiet. As they checked in at the reception desk in maternity, they took a seat and waited; called into the room, it wasn't until they heard the heartbeat and saw their baby on the screen did Peter take her hand and smile.

"Everything is looking good and on track; how are you feeling now? You mentioned something about severe sickness last time you were here?"

"The tablets helped but it has eased off considerably now" Carla answered.

"That's good; any other problems you've noticed?"

"Dont think so; I mean the fatigue has hit but nothing i can't manage"

"Good. We'll take some blood while you're here so we can check your liver function and your levels for your other medications; your GP should have the results in a few days and will let you know; now...would you like to know the sex? Baby is in the perfect position..."

"What do you say love? Want to find out?" Peter asked when she looked at him.

"I don't know" she whispered.

"We don't have to; you can always change your mind and ask next time"

"Or, if you want, I can write it down, put it in a sealed envelope and you can look when you're ready?" The midwife suggested.

"That sounds like a good idea, doesn't it?" He said.

Nodding, she turned back to the screen as the midwife busied herself with getting copies of the scan and putting the piece of paper in the envelope.

"I'll just get the stuff to do your blood test" she said, handing the items over with some blue tissue to wipe her bump.  

With the test done, and next appointment booked, Carla and Peter left the maternity unit and got back into the car; before he could drive anywhere, Carla took his hand and waited for him to look at her.

"Tell me the truth, have you had a drink?" She asked.

"No...but I've wanted to, really wanted to" he answered, honestly.

"You'll tell me if it gets really bad again? I mean it Peter, I can't go backwards; I need to focus on this baby and Matilda and our business. I can't risk going back to the constant anxiety and stress, I just can't"

"I promise, on Matilda's life, I'll tell you if I feel like drinking" he assured her.

"Take me home"

Nodding, he started the engine and began making his way out of the car park; arriving back at Victoria Court, Peter took her hand before she could get out the car.

"Are we okay?" He asked.

"I don't know" she answered, honestly. "I want to believe you when you say you haven't had a drink but...you have been by my side through the worse couple of years and now I need to try to be the same person for you"

"I don't want you to put that pressure on yourself; I don't want you worrying everytime I leave the flat or I'm late home from a shift. I'm going to the meetings; I don't want to you to  relapse anymore than you want me to. I don't want to risk losing you or our family, not again"

"I'm scared Peter"

"I know; all I can say is I'm really trying to let the urges pass"

"Okay" she whispered.

"Ready to head inside?"

Nodding, they headed inside where Peter went to get a start on dinner while Carla let herself into Michelle's; she found her hyperactive toddler running around the room.

"Mommy" Matilda yelled as she spotted the woman enter the room, flying to hug her legs.

"Hey sweetheart; did you have fun with Auntie Michelle?" She asked, lifting her onto her hip.

"Yes"

"Seems like Auntie Michelle has filled you with sugar" she said, setting her back on the floor to play with Mia while she took a seat next to Michelle.

"How did it go?" Michelle asked.

"Which? The scan or the talk?"

"Both?"

"Scan was fine"

"And Peter?"

"Said he went to a meeting this morning; apparently he's struggling with the urges"

"You believe him?"

"I think so, I want to but..." she sighed. "He has really looked after me for the last few years and now its my turn; we've only been married three months. I don't want to lose everything again because we didn't try"

"Cant see that happening but anytime you want to vent, you know where I am"

"Thanks" she smiled. "I should get back"

Taking Matilda's hand, she hugged Michelle and thanked her for babysitting before heading back next door.