Back to normality?

Chapter 26

On Friday morning, with the bags ready by the front door, Carla was sat with Scott up to the table whilst Peter went and got some bacon rolls for breakfast.

"Are you going away again?" Scott asked, having noticed the bags on his way in.

"Peter's taking me back to the Lake District for a few days; it's been a hard week" she admitted.

"Hard how?"

"I...didn't trigger but I didn't completely relapse either; I...got paranoid, pushed people away, retreated into myself"

"What happened?"

"We had our 20 week scan on Wednesday, I woke up anxious but Peter managed to calm me down; after the appointment, we went shopping and he gave me this look that I misread and I blew up at him, told him I wanted to go home. It all escalated from there..." she said, bending her head, almost In embarrassment.

"What triggered the paranoia? Were you hearing voices or hallucinating again?"

"No but...I don't know; it was like I had a feeling, a sense that something was wrong. Peter was planning this trip away and he didn't tell me but he was been secretive and whispering and disappearing; I got flashbacks to five years ago...I got scared...scared he was gonna leave me, that he was cheating, had enough of looking after me all the time" she said quickly, causing her to have an anxiety attack.

"Okay Carla, take a deep breath; remember your techniques" he said, grabbing a glass of water and give it to her as Peter returned.

"Love?"

Realising she was having an attack, he left the sandwiches on the table before kneeling next to her and taking her hands, waiting for her to look at him.

"You're okay, you're at home with Scott and I; nothing bad is going to happen. Take a deep breath and hold it for five...then out for five"

As she finally calmed down and took a sip of water, she waited for Peter to take a seat before sitting on his lap, needing close contact; pulling the sandwiches out of the bags, she pulled hers apart and ate small bites.

"Okay, what happened after you got home?" Scott asked, wanting to get the full picture.

"I...I stormed into the bedroom, Michelle came over, talked some sense into me and Peter held me when I would let him"

"But you didn't confront Peter?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"I was scared, I thought if I was been paranoid and nothing was wrong then that would mean I was relapsing and he would send me back to Carlisle and take our daughter away from me" she admitted.

"Not necessarily, it might've been a case of checking your levels again and adjusting your meds; I can see why that thought crossed your mind though. What happened next?"

"We went out for dinner that night but I wasn't hungry; well, I was but I was so upset and scared, I ran away, hid at Roy's. My safe place..."

"At any point, did you feel like you were a danger to yourself or anyone else?"

"No"

"You just needed time to process your thoughts?"

She nodded and pushed her sandwich away, leaning into Peter's calming embrace.

"And I'm assuming by the fact you're going away, you did confront him in the end?"

"He came to Roy's, we had it out; I hurt him, accused him of lying and cheating. Wouldn't believe him until he showed me the confirmation; then he held me, all night to reassure me and made me realise I was wrong and should've confronted him in the first place"