Back to normality?

Chapter 37

As they pulled up at the cabin, Carla awoke and rubbed her eye; seeing her daughter staring at her, she smiled and lifted her out of the car seat. Getting out the car, she brought Matilda up to her shoulder as Michelle stood next to her, an arm around her shoulder.

"This place is beautiful, I can see why you like it so much; you doing okay?" Michelle asked.

"I guess, I need to feed Tilly"

"You go on in love, we'll grab the stuff" Peter said, handing her the combination for the key lock.

Setting the bags by the door with the moses basket and stand, Peter found Carla sat on the sofa, breastfeeding their daughter.

"Hey" he said, softly as he sat next to her.

"Hi"

"Can I get you anything?"

She shook her head.

"Okay" he said, moving to stand up and put the bags away.

"Peter..."

"Yeah love?" He asked, turning back to her.

"I heard you and Michelle talking in the car"

"Oh"

"The dream...it scared me" she admitted. "The thought that I could do that to our daughter"

"But it wasn't real, it was just a dream, a nightmare" he said, resting a hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair.

"It really got to me and then I started feeling anxious and Tilly wouldn't stop crying and it made it worse..." she said, tears threatening to fall.

"I know, come here"

Using his hand as a guide, he brought her head to rest on his as he wrapped an arm around her, rubbing his hand up and down her arm.

"You have been amazing the last month; you had an emotional labour and it triggered some feelings but you carried on. You haven't gave up or tried to hide away at any point; maybe we could get Michelle to look after her and we can go for a walk? Would that help?"

She sniffed and nodded against him; an hour later, hand in hand, they were walking around the lake.

"I'm sorry...about this morning" she said, breaking the silence.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for"

"I do, I wanted you to hold me and I know it hurt you when I wouldn't let you but my head...it was still at the fire escape with the feelings I felt that day; the paranoia and feeling scared and tired and lonely. I nearly lost everything that day..."

"But you didn't; Carla, look at me?" He said, stopping her and taking her other hand. "That day...was a horrendous day for you, for me, for everyone involved, but you got through it and Carlisle and the last year; you are here with me and our daughter. Our little girl who loves you just as much as I do; today was a bad day but do you realise something?"

"What?"

"The whole time you've been feeling anxious today, not once have you felt the need to take a tablet; you recognised you needed to take time out and went for a walk, didn't you?"

"I guess" she agreed.

"I'd say that shows just how far you've come, doesn't it?" He said, cupping her cheek.

"It just threw me, waking up like that this morning"

"I know it did, you haven't had an attack in over a month but you're okay; we can enjoy a couple of days here with Michelle and then go back to reality"