Back to normality?

Chapter 42

As Michelle locked the Bistro door behind them and turned round, she saw Carla was behind the bar, holding a bottle of wine.

"Car, come on, you know you can't drink that"

"I know" she sighed. "Doesn't stop me wishing I could"

"It wouldn't help, even if you could; I can make you anything else. A mocktail if you want?" She said, taking the bottle off her.

"My head feels like it's gonna explode" she said, pulling the bear out of her pocket.

"Come on, let's sit down" she said, grabbing two orange juices and some crisps from the bar.

As they sat down, Michelle took the tablets from her pocket and placed them on the table.

"Do you think you need to take one? Or shall we try your other techniques?"

"I don't know" she sighed.

"What set you off earlier?"

"I've been on edge all day" she admitted, holding the bottle of juice.

"Have you been pretending the entire time? You seemed happy enough while I was there, once you calmed down" she questioned.

"I just wanted the day to be perfect" she answered without actually confirming anything.

"For who?"

"For Tilly"

"What about you? Or Peter? Or Simon?"

"What about us?" She asked, confused.

"Tilly is far too young to remember anything that happened today but you two have been through so much the last two years; didn't you want it to be perfect for yourselves?"

"Not really" she shrugged, sipping the orange juice.

"When did you last see Scott?" She asked, wanting to gauge whether it was worth suggesting calling him at some point.

"Er, beginning of the month, I think" she answered, rubbing her eye.

"And your next one with him?"

"Why? Gonna call him when I'm not looking?!" She replied, a hint of hurt and paranoia in her voice.

"You're obviously struggling today; Car, that's twice you've not let Peter near you today. Twice you've broke down and needed me to come over; you've clearly dreamt something both times to get you feeling like this." She said, placing her hand upon hers. "I want to help you but I'm not sure how if you won't talk to us; come on, whatever you say won't get back to Peter if you don't want me to"

"I don't know Chelle" she sighed. "I thought i was doing better lately; I've been working and looking after Matilda. I haven't triggered or needed any intensive sessions with Scott; I've been okay when I've been on my own"

"Clearly something has happened to trigger you today"

"I don't know what though" she admitted, looking up at her friend.

"That's okay; what's important is managing how you're feeling, not why. We have the spa trip to look forward to; we can do that anytime. If you want time off, you can have as much as you need; you want a night out, we'll do it"

"I know I shouldn't have pretended today"

"So why did you?" She asked, taking a sip of her drink.

"It was...easier, I guess, rather than talking about it" she said, playing with the bear to distract herself.

"What happened tonight?" She asked as Carla stood up, bear clutched to her chest as she walked around.

"I fell asleep, had a nightmare and triggered" she answered, simply.

"About what?"

"Peter, the baby we lost, Tilly, Carlisle"

"Carla, whatever it was about, none of it is true; you have a beautiful daughter and a loving fiancee waiting at home for you"

"I can't; I can't face him" she said, looking back at her, having stopped walking around.

"You have to eventually"

"He's gonna hate me"

"Why is he?" She asked, moving to stand in front of her, hands on her arms as she noticed her friend getting emotional.

"I pushed him away again; I actually told him to go away, leave me alone. He wanted to help and I wouldn't let him"

"Doesn't mean he's going to hate you; he loves you and right now, he's just worried about you. He'd be heartbroken to know you're struggling that much you contemplated drinking, even though you know you can't; I won't call Scott, I promise, but we need to sort out what you want to do tonight"

"I don't know" she whispered.

"Did you take your meds already?"

When Carla nodded, Michelle pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back.

"Okay, you have three choices; you can go home and I can stay, you can come to mine or go to Roy's"

"Not Roy's; he'll ask too many questions"

"So it's home or mine?" Michelle said as Carla pulled away.

"What about Peter...and Tilly? Its Christmas day..."

"He'll understand; you need to do what you need to feel better. A decent nights sleep might do you the world of good..."

"I can't use Tilly as an excuse; she's been sleeping through since she was three months old"

"Subconsciously, I think you don't sleep properly incase you miss something"

"I'm so tired Chell"

"I know; so what do you want to do?"

"Will you hold me? Keep me safe?"

"You know I will; I'll never let anything happen to you, I promise"

"Okay"

"Shall we stop and get you a bag?"

Carla nodded and hugged the bear close; an hour later, after a quick stop at the flat, they were lying in Michelle's bed. With the reassurance from Peter that he and Matilda would be fine for the night and agreeing with Michelle that a night away would do some good, Christmas or night, Carla had grabbed a few belongings and her medications before heading out; Peter had managed to persuade her to take a tablet which had started to kick in by the time she got into the bed.

"Try and get some sleep; I'll be right here if you need me" Michelle said, keeping her voice low and soft as she ran her fingers through her hair.