Kessoku Kokoro | A Bocchi the Rock Fanfic

Chapter 37: Ms. Yamada's Butler

Author: Changed pfp because the art I found is scarily accurate to how I think Tokumei looks like

Author: WHY'S HE SO HARD TO DRAW-

Author: I KNOW. I WANNA DRAW ILLUSTRATIONS OF HIM AND THE BAND AND UPLOAD IT HERE.

Author: You do know that the chapters will be so much longer to make if that happens right?

Author: WHO CARES. I GOTTA DRAW OUR BOY HERE-

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Tokumei was back home. Finally. Vacation was over and now he can get to truly relax and recharge in his own room. He checks under his bed to make sure the spiders are still there and haven't crawled out again. 

He breaths a sigh of relief. They're all still alive and properly fed. 

He laid down on his bed and cuddled his pillow to quickly fall asleep. The worst thing that could happen is to leave him alone with his thoughts. 

His very... toxic thoughts.

Nah, repress. REPRESS. Nothing's wrong with him. Ignore it. He's got to ignore it. Nothing's wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. 

Nothing is wrong.

He closes his eyes.

Tomorrow is school and he's got to be a functioning human being. He shouldn't be existential at 3 AM again just because he gets reminded that all things die. He shouldn't be pondering the mysteries of life and death when he's still 18 years old. He's not a philosopher, he's just a dude who's trapped in his own head. 

And yet, he entertains them. He's got nothing better to do and his body may be tired but his mind was far from being tired. 

Death happens to all things. He's aware of it. He forgets sometimes, but he's remembering now. The insects currently getting eaten by the spiders under his bed. The plants and animals who get slaughtered every day just to keep him and his loved ones fed. The people who've fought and died in the past and present just to make sure that the status quo that they so dearly love, remains.

His eyes opens.

He's gonna die one day. He knows this. He's not sad about it. Weirdly enough. Shouldn't he be afraid? Shouldn't he be sad? He won't be able to do the stuff that he wants to do. He wouldn't be...

Wait, what is the stuff he wants to do?

Graduate school duh. 

But his sister can already provide enough for both of them. So what's the point of-

Right. 

Right.

His sister was 6 years older than him. If she died, how would he support himself? So he's got to graduate. So he can take care of himself if she's gone...

He feels a shiver up his spine.

If she's gone...

When she's gone...

What'll he have left?

'SLEEP DAMN IT. You've got to be an academic genius. Not sleeping deteriorates your mental capacity,' He tells himself. He closes his eyes. And yet he's still thinking about it. Death as a concept. Death as a whole. Death as an inevitable. 

Huh.

He realized something. 

Death comes for everyone. He knew that. But if that was the case then... 

Does that mean the band would one day, die too?

'IGNORE IT. YOU'LL CROSS THAT BRIDGE WHEN YOU GET THERE-' He thought. He buried his face in his pillow. Hoping that the lack of oxygen would knock him out. He throws the pillow in the air in frustration. 'SLEEP. DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. THEY'RE NOT GONNA DIE SOON.'