Joy

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Today's the day. The day that left me empty. The day that a life was taken and that life could never be replaced, no matter how hard we tried. A year ago today we found out I was pregnant and also that I had, sadly, had a miscarriage.

Harry and I had the fetus buried in a private grave yard in Texas. We flew in for the day to visit the baby's grave sight. The whole plane ride was one of grief and silence.

Today we would morn all over again.

When we landed, Harry and I went to a store, bought flowers and Harry brought along his guitar. We drove out to the grave sight.

"Ready?" Harry asked as we came to a stop.

I looked into his sad eyes and nodded, afraid of breaking down if I spoke.

We got out and walked hand in hand to our poor baby's grave that was covered in snow, which is uncommon for Texas. The headstone was a simple white cross. It had 'STYLES' written across it and that was all.

Harry and I stood there in silence. I let a few tears fall and I Harry did as well. This was a painful part of our past and dug up even more painful memories as to why I lost the baby in the first place.

Harry let go of my hand and set the flowers down in front of the tombstone. He got down on one knee and dropped his head. I heard him sob and I couldn't take it. I turned around and got back in the car, letting my painful cries out inside the car while Harry let his out by the grave.

Harry's POV

I let go of Jessica's trembling hand as my tears started to pour out faster. I was trying so hard to stay strong but it was use less.

I dropped to my knees and cried out. Every painful memory of this day one year ago consumed me and drowned me with pain and sorrow. I had my guitar in one hand and the other on the tombstone.

"Why my baby? Why my wife? Why God? Jessica was so innocent and she loved You with all her heart even enough to deny her own fleshly pleasures and do what she knew was right. And this is what happens!?" I yelled as I looked up to the sky.

I dropped the guitar and hugged the tombstone, wishing it was my baby I could be holding.

This was all my fault. Not Gods. I'm Jessica's husband. I was supposed to of protected her from all that happened.

This was all on me. Somehow, I would forever hate myself for this.

After my knees got cold from the snow, I dried my eyes and picked up my guitar.

( turn on Gone To Soon by Chris Daughtry )

I took out my pick and made sure it was in tune before I played. A song that I knew set heavy on my heart since the day I heard it and I felt it was only right for me to sing to my baby.

I started to strum and I closed my eyes.

"Today could've been the day

that you blow out your candles

make a wish as you close your eyes

today could've been the day

everybody was laughin'

instead i just sit here and cry

who would you be?

what would you look like

when you looked at me for the very first time?

today could've been the next day of the rest of your life"

I choked back my tears.

"Not a day goes by that i don't think of you

i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose

such a ray of light we never knew

gone too soon, yeah

Would you have been president?

or a painter, an author or sing like your mother

one thing is evident

would've given all i had

would've loved ya like no other

who would you be?

what would you look like?

would you have my smile and her eyes?

today could've been the next day of the rest of your life

not a day goes by that i don't think of you

i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose

such a ray of light we never knew

gone too soon, yeah"

I strummed harder and my tears flooded over. I couldn't hold then back, not anymore.

"Not a day goes by, oh

i'm always asking why, oh

Not a day goes by that i don't think of you

i'm always asking why this crazy world had to lose

such a beautiful life we never knew

gone too soon

you were gone too soon, yeah

and not a day goes by

that i don't think of you"

I finished the song and sobbed some more before I leaned down and kissed the top of the headstone.

"Daddy loves you very very much. Say hi to your grandpa for your mum. She loves you too baby."

I stepped back and took one last look before walking away from what would've been the best gift in the world.

I hadn't noticed that Jess left and was now in the car. I jogged to the car and got in quickly. Jessica was crying uncomfortably in the passenger seat. I got in the drivers seat and moved it back and managed to get Jess to crawl into my arms. Once she buried her head in my neck, she cried harder.

I rubbed her back and rocked her back and forth slowly.

"Sshh, baby. I'm here. I gotcha, love." I said over and over, trying to soothe her broken heart.

"W-w-h-y-y m-m-m-m..." She tried to say something but couldn't. She was having trouble catching her breath the harder she cried.

"Jessica, you need to breathe baby." I said as I held her soaking wet cheeks in my hands.

Her eyes were squinty and looked like water faucets from how many tears spilled out at once. I began to take deep breaths and she copied me.

Once she was calmed down, she put her head back into the crook of my neck. I closed my eyes and began to hum to her and rub her back.

We sat in the car for at least 30 minutes. Finally Jessica had gained the strength to talk to me.

"Harry?" She said and lifted her head.

I search her pained eyes with my own hurt filled eyes.

"Yes, love?"

"I need you to promise something." She whispered and looked down at my chest.

I lifted her chin.

"Anything."

"Promise we'll never fill this much pain again. Promise me you'll never let anyone hurt our future family. I can't live through anything else like this. I'm barely alive now." She said and the pain I'm her voice was like sticking a million thin blades into my heart.

Her eyes watered again.

"I promise to do anything and everything in my power to make sure no one will ever, ever hurt us like this again, Jessica Styles." I promised and I meant it.

Never again would anyone hurt my wife or my unborn children.

I'd die before I let that happen again.